helloooo weekend!

i love fridays.

i love that i can not do homework on friday night and it's guilt free.

this is what i did today:

1. wrote a paper for my justice and global perspective class

2. got a flu shot and now my arm hurts a lot

3. went to the mall - i bought shoes! i never buy shoes! black and high heals! so cute!

4. ate awesome supper that i got for my brother and i - i love macaroni salad and gouda cheese

i think i'm gonna go to bed early tonight because i've not been sleeping well lately and i have to work tomorrow and i'm going out tomorrow night. yeah, i know i said i was skipping the out tomorrow night, but its going to be cloudy so i won't be able to see the meteors anyway. but i'll probably still drive. i need to not spend money and i don't want to be hungover on sunday. know what i might do sunday?

go back to the mall!

i need some business casual [what that is exactly, i'm not sure] for the awards next week. i have a skirt but i need a good shirt to wear with it. and i have my new shoes now! happy!

i wish my arm didn't hurt so much though...

do you love awesome?

then you will love 'death of me' by buck 65.

you can download it for free on his website. buck65.com. then go to show and tell. i can't give you the direct link because he uses frames. damn frames. but there are 5 new songs there for free download.

they all will blow your socks off. but 'death of me' takes the cake. awesome.

however

you need to listen to it with headphones on. to really hear it. i'm not lying. try it.

i don't know how he does it, but he blows me away every time.

conundrum!

i might skip shameless on saturday night.

i know. shocker, eh?

this meteor shower thing has me crazed. i want to see it so bad.

so.

bad.

but skipping fun times with friends just leaves me alone to go see the meteor shower. and as much as i want to see it, sitting alone on the beach in the middle of the night is not how i want to do it.

actually, i don't even care. i'll sit at the beach by myself. i really want to see the meteors!

[weather update - 10:30pm: IT'S GOING TO RAIN ON SATURDAY!!! BOLLOCKS!!!!]

celebrations and sadness

first the celebration

this is post number 200 for me! 200!! wow. that's a lot of random ramblings from me.

next the sadness

i really want to see the meteor shower on saturday night. this could be the last good one ever [well, maybe not ever...but for a very very long time]! the comet is on it's way back out into the solar system and the next 33 year fly by might not happen because of jupitor! bitches!

my friends at space.com say that you will probably be able to see some meteors [a few every hour] in the pre-dawn hours friday, saturday and sunday but they expect a burst of activity around 11:45pm est [a few every minute]. this burst of activity is expected to last for 2 hours or so.

so even if i get out of the penny around 2 [ast] and the meteors are still seeable until 2:45ish, i'm going to be in the middle of the city!! boo-urns. i'd like to say that i'll get up on friday or saturday at some crazy pre-dawn hour to see the meteors, but i have class on friday morning and work on saturday morning. so i probably won't be getting up pre-dawn. i could just stay up saturday night...

if i don't have any beers and drive to the penny on friday....i could leave there and go out to the beach and see the meteors.

beautiful

anyone want to come with?

watch it.

good times had by all

man, how much fun was last night?

it was a mini reunion. island friends, vancouver friends, here friends, all back together! i love that we were all friends in high school and we're still good friends now. and we all get together and its just like it always was! we are the only people i know who loved high school.

and i saw one of my ta's. not the philosophy one. the biology one. he's only 22! he didn't think that i was almost 25. i don't feel like i'm almost 25. anyway, he's in one of my philosophy classes now and we have another philosophy class together after xmas but he said before he was gonna drop it because he was sucking at this one. last night i tried to convince him that we should be philosophy buddies. i don't know if i was convincing or not.

oh lab will be interesting on tuesday...

and can i just say, i heart the lower deck! i love that even if there is a huge crowd of people waiting to order drinks, i get one slid my way. it pays to be a regular. however, i haven't been there so regularly lately. it makes me a little sad actually. but my bank account loves it.

happy sunday!!

oh man. can't wait. out of towners are home for the weekend and tonight, it's all about the lower deck.

i am so excited.

i haven't been to the deck in a while [friday after the navy boat doesn't count - it was 30 seconds] and i have yet to witness the new signal hill.

plus friends from the island!

and it might be a reunion too! vancouver friends and island friends haven't seen each other in years! [hopefully vancouver friends come]

so happy!!

friday night good times

know where i wish i was right now?

anywhere but sitting in my room,

doing nothing,

with no plans at all.

BORED!!

november means meteor shower!!

that's right kids. every november we get to see the leonid meteor shower. what is the leonid meteor shower? it is debris from the comet temple-tuttle that crosses the earths path every 33 years. so every 33 years, the show is supposedly amazing. the last one was 1998 and between then and 2002, the meteors were more than 1000 per hour. i saw the one in 2001. it was amazing. i had never seen a meteor shower before. cold sitting out at lawrencetown beach, but totally worth it.

i haven't seen it since then. probably because no one wants to go sit out at a beach in november.

so apparently this year shoudln't be overly spectacular because the comet is on its way back out to the far reaches of the solar system. but i guess they're predicting meteors at the rate of 100 to 150 per hour. not too shabby. according to space.com the peak will be on saturday november 18 at 11:45pm EST [12:45am AST]. i want to see it.

but

i will be at the copper penny. or so the plan is at this point. i don't think that if i run out into the parking lot at 12:45 i'll be able to see anything. i'll be in the middle of the city. you need to be not in the middle of the city to see it. damnit.

so when is the next great meteor storm? 2028. i'll be around for that.

but

apparently that year jupitor is expected to throw comet temple-tuttle off from its current course through space. so we won't see it.

DAMNIT!

oh andy!

i'm dreamin 'bout those dreamy eyes!


apparently cnn has implemented a dress code - black suit, white shirt, royal blue tie. anderson and john king are pretty much twins tonight with their silver hair and blue eyes. their suits were even both pin striped.

david gergen was even following the plan. michael ware however seems to have not gotten the memo. casual navy button up shirt and fleece jacket? nice try. good thing he has that sexy accent to make up for this indiscretion.

i actually do watch the news to be informed...i'm not just about attractive anchormen [although it is a nice little plus]... attractive anchormen can only take you so far. you have to actually have an interest to be the cnn addict that i am.

p.s. the awesome shots of the "twins" are courtesy of phebe at all things anderson.

i hate the library.

why? because the super quiet you're all alone study areas are too creepy quiet. i don't like extreme isolation. but in the more open study areas you end up with jack johnson look-a-likes and their annoying girlfriends sitting across from you at your table. it was my table first! i mean, i have no problem sharing. the table is big enough. but seriously, don't come sit down across from me, facing me, and start being all tickling each other and pretending you're studying and passing notes. because it's distracting. i didn't join your snuggle fest. you joined my study fest. i have a genetics exam in less than 3 hours. i need to focus. so stop it.

and what's up with her just eating your food? dude i watched her take the spoon right out of your hand!

i need a new table.

also, looks like i'm going to a wedding next summer/fall. interesting. there's another reason the library is weird. it's so quiet and i'm sitting here trying not to laugh out loud...

p.s. i love my cell phone.

[edit] reese cups!!! i forgot i had them!! yum.

[edit again] ok, the democrats winning the house in the US election is fantastic. but they could win the senate as well! AND rumsfeld is stepping down! ha! what a great day in american politics.

nurse! pass me a scalpel!

man, i want to go to med school so. bad.

i have never felt so sure about anything in my whole life. for me, that's really saying something. i have never been overly confidant of my abilities to cross certain bridges and have wimped out in the past. but upon facing these same bridges again recently, i have managed to make my way across. slowly, and with a bit of an upset stomach, but i made it none the less.

my inspiration to go to med school comes from a bit of a stupid source that i'm not really comfortable blogging about. but i am grateful for it, and someday [if i make it] i will tell you all what hit me.

and no, it wasn't hoping that i'd run into a super hot john stamos-esque med student along the way. although, that would be a bonus.

why am i on this rant today you ask? because this morning i dissected a cockroach. if you know me at all you know that is a near impossible to comprehend sentence i have just put together. yes, ladies and gentlemen, I dissected a cockroach. if i can do that, i can do anything.

now all i need to do is not let myself down. i am a super-procrastinator extraordinare and i tend to disappoint myself quite often when it comes to school work. but recognizing that you have a problem is the first step to over coming it, right?

on that note, i'm off to study genetics.

tomorrow.

who knows what tomorrow is? that's right! election day in the US. why am i mentioning this? because the outcome of this election has the potential to change the world. it's amazing how the elections and the people in power in a country that is not your own can have an affect on your life none the less. the US is the worlds superpower and whether we like it or not, they have the control. look at the iraq situation! they dove head first into that without the backing of the UN. sketchy. and now they're in over their head. this election can change everything. hopefully the people get out and do what they need to do and then AC360 can stop being about all the stupid campaign games that are being played.

maybe i am a philosopher?

after that B i got on the first paper, i was pretty pumped. but then i got a C+ on the next paper. so i was ripped back down out of the clouds pretty quickly. and then? A+! WHAT?! yeah. now, i can't take all the credit. it was a group project. but still. wow. i've never gotten an A+ on anything ever in my whole entire life. this philosophy thing is totally new to me. and i'm happy. now i just need to get an A+ on my genetics exam on wednesday and on the philosophy paper i just handed in today... doubtful.

blah

i have to write my ethics essay. to be discussed: is nuclear energy an environmentally responsible solution to the energy crisis? value on my term: 40%

but i can't focus.

i feel like dirt for the pre-edit version of my entry from friday night. why was i such a moron? the annoying thing about it is, i'm not usually that moronic. i don't know what came over me. actually, yes i do [i think this is the answer to the moron question]. drinking is nothing but trouble. and drinking combined with feelings [that do actually exist] leads to an over reaction on the grandest of scales.

damnit.

i am truly sorry.


song of the day

this is the last time
that i'm ever gonna come here tonight
this is the last time, i will fall
into a place that fails us all, inside

-dishwalla

yikes.

i am so sorry.

i broke my own blogging rules. i forgot it even happened until i got home from work.

it's my fault. it will stop. i promise.

see you around.

yes. i am drunk blogging.

so in an unexpected turn of events, i got to see my favourite cover band tonight. not for very long though. but short is better than nothing. first, i was on a canadian navy ship. that's right. on a navy ship. drinking beer. for free. that's where your tax dollars are going. free beer for our navy guys and gals, and their friends. and tons of food. tonight i saw the biggest mountain of chicken wings i have ever seen in my whole life. i went through a phase of wanting to join the navy. but then i was on the ship. and i would definitely have a clausterphobia attack. holy cramped quarters batman. anyway then we went to the lower deck. and saw my cover band.
so tomorrow i have to work. 6 hours and 20 mins till i have to get up. that sucks. come visit.
i know the rule is no drunk blogging but i'm waiting for food to cook. i can't help it. and the foods are ready so this is the end.

ever hung upside down from your shower curtain rod?

because that's what we talked about today in my philosophy tutorial. i think that everyone had the same mental image of the ta hanging from his shower rod. we all laughed. a lot. and so did he.

and he read us this poem. by adam dickinson. i don't remember what it was called, and it's really bugging me. anyway, there was this line that said something like, my hands in your hair... i don't really remember that either because all i could think was, don't drool. haha it was so funny because i think that a lot of the girls in my class have a crush on him and they were all just like, *blank stare* as he was reading it. i'm definitely included in the crush on ta group. every time i see him i get a little more crushy. haha! it's just because he's so well spoken and funny. and a phd student. so, smart? although i think that's just a "stereotype" of the phd student. i'm sure there are some dumbass phd students out there. but whatever. it's not a real crush. it's just one of those stupid like, fangirl crushes you get that you have absolutely no expectations of ever turning out. a "healthy" crush, i like to call it. it's the same as my crush on marc garneau, or zach braff.

make that three things...

3. is it weird that i sympathize with crazy stressed out burnt hand girl?

two things...

1. i HATE self-absorbed, shallow people.

2. that scene in the first 5 minutes of er is pretty much my dream. oh my god john stamos. did you see that? hot.

the long morrow

that is true love.

happy halloween!

ok. i admit, an anderson cooper pumpkin? maybe that's a bit too much. but come on! its totally awesome at the same time. you know it.

and no. i did not carve it.



this is the picture it is based on:

yeeaaaa!!!

who got a B on their first ever philosophy paper? THIS GUY!!!

i want to jump and scream and do cartwheels.



so. happy.

i heart mitch albom

i've never been a witness to his skills as a sports broadcaster, but i love love LOVE his skills as a writer. maybe tuesdays with morrie was too sentemental. but i liked it. and the five people you meet in heaven was touching and really made me think. today i bought his new book, for one more day. i'm excited. i probably shouldn't be doing things like buying new books when i have school work to be doing, but i can't control myself when i go to chapters.

and that wasn't the only book i bought. i also got my secret. the new postsecret book. man, i don't know what it is about those postcards, but i'm hooked. the happy ones, the sad ones, the crazy ones, i love them all.

before i read anything i got today, i need to read some ethics. boo.

also, after missing out on the lower deck last night, i'm feeling the itch.

i need some reese's cups...


ps. 3 MONTHS TILL I'M 25!!

pissed.

i realize that bitching people out in a public forum probably isn't the wisest/most mature thing to do, so i won't do it, but i'm so tired of the bullshit.

this was the only guilt free weekend.

also i'm more pissed than i normally would be because i'm angry at myself for other things. don't you hate that? the affect that other people have on you? and it's completely out of your control. bastards.

yeah slide

i want to go to the goo goo dolls concert so bad i can taste it.

pearls of wisdom from grandpa timberlake

so i'm still awake [i have no idea why] and watching the tonight show for what could possibly be the first time ever. and justin timberlake is on. which is quite a treat. haha! anyway, he tells this story that his grandfather told him when he was about 10. i'm going to tell it to you now.

so once there was this dog. and the dog walked the same route everyday. along this route there were train tracks he crossed. so one day the dog is walking his route and the end of his tail gets caught in the train tracks. so he gets a little panicked because he looks down the tracks and he sees the train coming. so he doesn't know what to do and instead of pulling on his tail to try to get it out of the tracks, he turns his head around and tries to use his teeth to pull his tail out of the tracks. and just then the train comes by and the dog gets his head ripped off.

moral of the story?

don't lose your head over a little piece of tail.


excellent lesson.

am i argumentative?

i like to think i only argue when provoked. with some people, it happens more often. i don't purposefully pick fights or try to force my opinions on other people.

i need some feedback here.

does it seem like i always need to be right?

because i'm finding myself more and more annoyed every time i talk to a few people. every single time, i end up pissed. i hate feeling this way... and i hate that i think its the other person always needing to be right. because things happen like, i get asked a question, or for my opinion, and no matter what i say, i'm wrong. or they already know. so why am i even being asked? and why do i always listen to people whine about the same problems over and over and over again? not that what i have to say is all that pressing or important, but can't anyone listen to me whine? just a little bit? and yes. i realize i'm being selfish. but everyone needs to whine a little bit sometimes and needs people to listen to them do it.

oh my god i'm so annoyed.


and another thing. watching madonna on oprah and listening to her talk about her messed up adoption does not make you an expert on world events and the situation in africa. madonna on oprah. seriously? that's where you're getting your information.

we are definitely a tabloid nation.

i need to go for a run.

or someone to hug.

bus blogging

you know whats great about having a laptop? bus entertainment. seriously. i think of it everyday but usually i'm not in a position to haul it out and make it work. but today, everything is working out in my favour! i wrote my tutorial response question thing for my philosophy class. i didn't send it because i have no internet, but its written. i waste 2 hours a day on this damn bus. not to mention walking to and from the bus stop. i wish busses had internet access. that would be superb. imagine what i could accomplish then! the only thing that's creepy is the woman who isn't directly beside me, there is one set between us, she keeps trying to read my screen. does she think i don't realize she's doing it? it makes me think of that commercial for the screen cover thing and the guy is on the airplane and the 2 guys on either side of him keep trying to read his screen. haha that's such a funny commercial.

speaking of commercials, my ethics class today was about living the good life and what does that actually mean, the "good" life. so obviously we got into a huge discussion about consumerism and all of its negative aspects. that's one thing that i'm realizing about philosophy [this class anyway], it's so negative. all this class does is talk about negative things. how horrible people are and how fucked up our society is. it brings me down. anyway, i'm not saying that we don't all lead overly commercialized lives. we do. but i don't think that there is anything we can do about it. we live in the society we live in and that isn't going to change. sitting in my philosophy class with a bunch of people who think the same thing is pointless. its like preaching to the choir. we know there is a problem. the preaching needs to be done to the people who don't think there are any problems out there. but maybe i don't get it. i never claimed to be a philosopher. today the prof asked the question, who feels a sense of fulfillment?. out of the whole class, i'd say 3 people raised their hands.

i don't know where i was going with that.... is this me having a non-argument with myself? wow. that's pretty bad. its bad enough when you have non-arguments with other people, but with yourself? yikes.

the people sitting in front of me are being all kissy. i'm gonna puke.

parisian weddings and oldies tunes

if lorelai and chris come back from paris married, i will not be a happy girl.

and what was up with luke being at the town meeting? and participating? luke hates town meetings.

weird.



i did like how they played a little jay and the americans at the end of the episode. come a little bit closer. [you're my kind of man. so big and so strong.] how can you not love oldies? the boppy tune, the innocent lyrics... i can just see the poodle skirts twirling. even though this song is from 1964.

what's with today, today?

i over slept. i missed my lab. i missed the squid dissection. but my other lab was great. i think that genetics is really interesting, but i suck at it.
i need to write my ethics proposal. i am not really sure how to go about doing that.
i came across this picture on a friends msn space. i think it was taken at one of the tequila parties that happened back in may.

i miss my guitar. even though it is sitting right there. i can almost touch it from here. but i miss it. i haven't played in weeks. it is starting to collect dust. i keep thinking i should put it in its case, but then i feel like if i put it away, i really won't play. there was a guitar class that i wanted to take at school this year. but i wasn't sure how i felt about dragging my guitar back and forth to shcool. on the bus...could be annoying. so i didn't take it. i'm kinda sad. i wish i lived closer to school. imagine how much better i'd be if i took that class. sigh.

maybe i'll play just one song...


p.s.

song of the day

now if i wrote you a love note
and made you smile with every word i wrote

what would you do

would that make you wanna change your scene
and wanna be the one on my team

tell me would you

- justin timberlake

i'm probably gonna go to hell for this...

people who read the bible on the bus freak me out.

non-drunken nights at cheers

i know i said no more 4am blogging, but i'm not completely breaking the rules. i am not drunk. i write this with a clear head. i know, amazing, eh? i survived a saturday night at cheers sober. but i had my buds and my boys [not really my boys. i just think they're super] so it was a good time.

a high point of the evening was the awesome chats that were had during the band's down time. being used for your table isn't so bad when the company ends up being hilarious and fantastic. can the tables be turned? if i don't have a table and want to sit, can i go find where our table moocher is sitting and mooch off that table? curious.

we lost one member of our group towards the end of the evening. not sure where he wandered off to. but it was good he came out.

anyway, its definitely time for bed. i kinda wish the cabbie had stopped at mcdonalds. i could use a burger. starving. maybe tomorrow on my way to work. ugh. work. shoot me. come visit.

AHHHH!!! SO EXCITED!!!!

oh my god. guess what just happened.

ok. way back in march, i went to the great big sea concert when they were here. i somehow managed front row seats and they allowed picture taking so i got some prime shots. the great big sea website wanted people to send in their shots from the tour and they'd post them on the website. so i sent in a whole bunch. but then they never got posted! i was pissed!

HOWEVER

today i got an e-mail from helen, who is part of the great big sea team, and she said that my pictures really stood out from the bunch and she kept them in a separate folder for potential use at a later date. now. that could be bullshit. maybe she kept everyones pictures and this e-mail got sent to like, 3000 other people. but what she said was that she wanted to use one of my pictures for the great big sea 2007 calendar! hahaha! how funny is that! she said that the picture would be credited with my name and i'd get a free calendar when they were printed! I'm pretty excited because i'm a huge great big sea fan.

i wonder if it's gonna be like, a big picture for a month, or just like, a little down in the corner picture....curious...

BUT EXCITED!!!!!

also today, i spoke for the first time ever in my philosophy tutorial. know what i said? "the sum of the square of the sides of a right angle triangle is equal to the square of the hypoteneuse". who's a geek? this guy.

are you kidding me?

you are so full of shit it's not even funny. just stop talking. you're driving me crazy.

it's a dinglehopper

so after an hour long battle to find all the required cords, remote controls and whatnot to make a vcr work [yeah, a vcr. remember video tapes? big rectangle things?], i am now watching the little mermaid. oh man. i want it on dvd SO BAD!
its funny because i'm watching this for the first time in years and i still know every single word. oh man. i love this movie. and it never really occured to me before [probably because i was like, 8 the last time i watched this], but ariel is only 16. she's running off and getting married at 16! that's a little young, don't you think? but i guess it was way back in the days of princes and sailing ships.
and when ariel is sitting on the side of the ship and she's trying to point eric out to scuttle, she says, the one playing the snarffblat. wouldn't that have been the old guy? and what exactly are those little things that ursela turns the merpeople into?
i need this dvd.

pictures pictures!!

i love my girlies...

rain rain

usually the worst thing about the rain is how the bottoms of my jeans get all wet cuz they touch the ground and then my legs are cold and my feet are cold when i get home and when i sit on my legs in class [which i do all the time] my ass gets wet. but the worst thing about the rain today was i was wearing my pumas. and they got wet. bitches.

media ratings and tabloid stories

so the most recent post on my favourite anderson cooper blog, all things anderson is about ratings [news specific] and what kind of trash people are interested in. you can read it here. it was stated by sheryn [the author of the post] that john mark karr did an interview with larry king, and right after was on fox. so to make sure that you don't change the channel, cnn dedicated the first half hour of anderson cooper 360 to analyzing the karr interview. complete with experts on law and psychology. that way, you'd stick wtih cnn for something new than switch to fox for another interview. amazing how the cable news world works. but not surprising. as i've said before, the news media is nothing but a bunch of blood-thirsty, ratings-hungry story-tellers. i have little to no faith in anything i see on the news. maybe i'm overly critical, but that's what happens.

my point to this whole thing is that it's disgusting that cnn even agreed to interview him. and that there was a ratings battle over it. who cares! people are rediculous! why do you want to give this guy the time of day? the more interested people are in him, the more he is going to get out of it! he's going to end up with a book deal or something and that is just wrong.
so sheryn asks the question, "are we a tabloid nation?". the answer is definitely yes. a ratings war over scum like john mark karr? there are way more important things going on in the world. can you say, nuclear north korea? and even if cnn feels the need to stay within their own country, that's fine! there is plenty going on there! they have an election coming up!

i didn't watch anderson cooper last night. because i just don't care about karr or what he has to say. i left a comment on ata about this post [which i thought was awesome - the post, not my comment] but i think it got mis understood. someone commented back that to not watch 360 just because we don't like a story is to cut our noses off to spite our face. if we don't watch, 360 gets low ratings, and then we lose 360 [except she said we lose anderson]. i wasn't not watching to try to damage cnn. this wasn't about teaching them a lesson. i just didn't care. and she writes back,

"Lastly, you're right that money drives so much of what goes on. If he gets a book deal, it's because people will buy the book. They don't give book deals if they don't believe they will make money on it."

obviously. but that's the frustrating part. that people will buy it. and someone will make money. that's what makes me mad. the fact that people are so frigging nosey about the most retarded things! why do you want to read all the fucked up details? all these interviews and books aren't about trying to figure him out for the greater good. they knew he was trouble in 2001 and they blew it. they lost the evidence. all the signs were there and they knew he was sketchy. now its about money. frigging greedy bastards who just see dollar signs.

i'm so frustrated i can't even think straight.

welcome to today!

man, i am in a great mood. and i had to get up at 6:00 this morning. it doesn't even matter! today is great. so far. it is so nice out, i went to freak lunchbox and got some candy, my worm lab was fun [yes, i said worm], and i got an awesome present last night from miss mellie's new york trip.
WHO LOVES REESE CUPS!!! oh man. that's right. that tin is full of little mini reese cups. and you know what the little reese cup in front is? LIP GLOSS!! haha that's right. it tastes so good. who wants a kiss? there is nothing wrong with tasting like reese cups. especially if you love them as much as i do. and the bowl! i love bowls. i have this bowl with a cow on it that i got as a happy moving in gift from my old roommate and i love it. even though that friendship went completely sour...but whatever. this is about the frigging wicked reese bowl! look at that! and the inside has a picture of a reese cup! i'm afraid to add it to the pile of dishes for my retard family to use. it's bad enough that moo bowl is out in the mix. man, happy days. and there is a new gilmore girls on tonight. can today get any better? i don't think so. too bad i have to study for my climate change exam i have tomorrow. boo-urns. oh well. i have the weekend to look forward to! the most fun ever dr. poo's birthday dessert-a-thon on friday and the second most fun ever on saturday with shameless [except i feel a little weird about the last time i saw them...]! ah great times. great times indeed.

my touch, eh?

you are rain



you can be warm and sexy. or cold and unwelcoming.
either way, you slowly bring out the beauty around you.

you are best known for: your touch

your dominant state: changing

who likes music!

i just wanted everyone to know that i am in love with the new killers cd. in. love. i was pretty head over heals for their first cd and i was scared that this one wouldn't live up to my expectations, but it totally did. so happy.

sleepy saturday night

after the good times on thursday night, i woke up friday feeling kinda gross and assumed it was a hangover. but saturday i still felt gross and i gained a stuffy nose. sucks.

anyway, because i was in no shape for anything last night, i laid in bed and watched stupid movies on the w network. jersey girl was supposed to be on and even though it's a whole lotta bennifer cheese, i was gonna watch it [ben affleck is hot. admit it]. but they showed some random movie that did not have ben affleck in it. turns out, there is another movie called jersey girl. from 1992 with dylan mcdermott. it was cute! total chick flick. i mean, to the max. the girl saw the guy, wanted the guy, went for the guy, got the guy, the guy broke her heart and in the end, she got a grand gesture, kissing in a downpour AND the love of her life. does the world get any better than that? i don't think so. now the ben affleck version is on. man, i'm on a mushy movie roll. i watched the notebook this afternoon. how hot are ryan gosling and rachel mcadams? i had a huge crush on ryan gosling when he was on breaker high! haha don't laugh, you know you remember it! anyway, i didn't really like the notebook. but i love the 2 of them, so i had to see it.

beer + free beer =

drunken blogging. damnit.

wasn't that a rule? no more blogging at 3am? yeah, i thought so. delete...

but the night was so worth it. i had a blast. i got a birthday celebration sprung on me 2 hours before it was to begin. we hit dooly's, the pogue and half of us made it to the ale house on the promise that friends were bartending so there would be free beer. the birthday boy went home at midnight. what a trooper. but a former coworker, 2 people i hadn't met before thursday night and i left the pogue and went to the ale house. the new folks i met were great. boot camp friends of the birthday boy. i don't know their first names because they were introduced to me by their last names! anyway, the ale house was fun. it was not a double date, but thanks for asking. jealous is cute. no worries.
out on a school night kicked my ass. never again.

always on duty.

who says day-time tv is shit? inspector gadget is on! no way! i frigging love this show!
i always wanted to be just like penny. i loved her computer book! i used to have this musical book thing and i would pretend that it was my computer book. but my dog wasn't as smart as brain.
and dr claw should just give up. he's never going to "destroy gadget!". penny will always save the day. or he'll just live through his clueless bumbling.
i remember being little and at my babysitters house watching this show. it was on at noon and i used to lie on her livingroom floor and watch it every day. it's amazing that i remember that. i stopped getting babysat there when i was 4.
i also used to have nightmares about what dr claws face looked like. becaues they never ever showed it. so i assumed it was awful.
go go gadget imagination!

books. love them.

one book that changed your life

dispatches from the edge - anderson cooper [more...eye opening than life changing, but it had an impact none the less. i know. lame. but true.]

one book you've read more than once

east of eden - john stienbeck [and you thought your family was messed up]

one book you’d want on a desert island

persuasion - jane austin [unrequited love. what could be better?]

one book that made you laugh

the stinky cheese man and other fairly stupid tales - jon scieszka & lane smith [yeah it's a kids book. so what? read it. you'll laugh so hard you'll snot on the page. so get your own copy. see? i'm just like a kid]

one book that wracked you with sobs

the time traveler's wife - audrey niffenegger [sobs isn't even the right word. but bawling doesn't mean bad. possibly my favourite book]

one book you wish had never been written

mostly harmless - douglas adams [book 5 in hitchhiker series - stupid he should have quit while he was ahead]

one book you’re currently reading

genetics: a conceptual approach - benjamin a. pierce [no time for real reading. only textbooks]

one book you’ve been meaning to read

the two towers - j.r.r. tolkien [i know! i'm sorry! i only read the first one!]

if you give a pig a party

is that anything like, if you give a mouse a cookie?

i was reading the list of winners of the quill awards, which are awards given to authors. it's kind of a people's choice thing. anyway, i noticed that for children's illustrated, the winner was if you give a pig a party, by laura joffe numeroff. as soon as i read the title i thought of this book i had when i was a kid called if you give a mouse a cookie. i loved that book! it was so cute! i highly recommend it to anyone who has not read it. so anyway, turns out that this book is by the same person! i need to read it! i know what kind of trouble that mouse gets into for a cookie. i can only imagine the shenanigans that a pig at a party gets into! i think that a trip to chapters is most definitely needed.

if you want to read the article, you can do so here.

this song makes me want to cry. every time.

she lets herself go like an angel in the snow
she lays down on her back
down on her back - she goes

take me over when i'm gone
take me over make me strong
take me over when i'm gone
will they burn for me

she pulls me in and strips me down
she pulls me in and turns me out
she pulls me in and strips me down to the ground

-dishwalla

stewart/colbert '08

all i can say is, how awesome would that be?

read it

turkey dinner #2

so in light of the fact that i am having another turkey dinner today, i decided i would list a few things that i am thankful for because there are people out there who aren't even getting one regular dinner, let alone one turkey dinner. and i'm having two. so here we go.

i am thankful for my family being happy and healthy, having a roof over my head, two turkey dinners on the table, my dog, all my friends, my job that i love, the fact that i live in a beautiful peaceful country, my university education, [hopefully] the opportunity to go to ethiopia, for all the loser fun i have [*cough*shameless*cough*], my guitar, and broccoli salad.

so i think that just scratches the surface of all the things that i have to be thankful for.

have you made your list?

happy turkey day

i. am. so. full. i love turkey dinners with my family. yum.
but for as much as i love the eating, i don't always love the sitting around and chatting that happens after. they are always asking me where my boyfriend is and why i never bring him around the family. well, first off, there is no boyfriend. i'm getting a little tired of answering questions about it. like, why don't you have a boyfriend? what do you say to that? but i guess that's their job, eh? as my fmaily, they need to torment me about stuff like that. and they love me and they're great and i only get to see them a couple of times a year. so it's all good.
anyway, as much fun as i had with my family eating turkey, it totally kicked my ass. i'm so tired now! i need to have a turkey nap! i need to do my ethics write up first though.

maybe after one more piece of pie...

lookie what i found!

so i was digging through my desk and found some old zip disks from my design school days. i wanted to see what was on them so that meant digging out my zip drive. of course it was the most difficult thing ever to find. anyway, i got it and there were some good things on them! so i'm gonna share some of them with you now.
first we have the chicken. this came from an illustration for an article. i don't really remember what the article was about...ink blot tests or something. i drew a little guy looking at at ink blot and then this chicken was in his little thought bubble. everyone in my class loved the chicken for some reason and he kinda became my trademark. he ended up on everything i did. it was really weird. i mean, don't get me wrong, i love the little guy, but it was just a 2 second illustrator drawing. anyway, that's the story of the chicken. i'm actually really happy that i found this file. i don't have the file of the whole drawing he's from though. i wonder where that is...
this picture was a drawing i did from another drawing. it was to teach technique with these fancy coloured pencils [that cost like $35/box...and i needed 2 boxes]. it took me HOURS to do this. oh man, you had to layer the colours...like, start with the lightest colour that could be the base of the whole thing, and then the next colour and the next and the next. so some places have like, 10 layers of colour. i just sat and watched tv and coloured for hours. i ended up getting totally impatient with it and kinda started slacking on it a bit in the end. which resulted in me only getting a B on it. but i think that that also had something to do with the fact that the teacher hated me. but whatever.
oh the still life. this took hours too. and i had no idea what to draw. the criteria was, draw anything. so this is a random collection of things i have in my room. some parts of it i am so amzingly happy with i could do a dance. but then other parts i'm not so thrilled with. i won't point out the problem areas. i'll let you decide for yourself. but i know that i'm being overly criticle of myself because in the class critique it was picked out as one of the best and i got an A on it. fantastic.
hahahaha do you know what this is? this was for a self portrait project. the rules were, marks would be awarded for creativity. so if you just sat down with a pencil and did a drawing of your face, it could be completely the most amazing thing to ever be represented in graphite but you're not going to get an A because its not at all creative. so i found these rediculous colours of clay in my house and just was being a moron more than anything, but in the end, it totally worked out so i handed it in. the teacher loved it. i got a little bit of flack for the extreme colours, but the whole clay thing wasn't planned! i just fell on it! so that's the story of clay me. and its way more impressive in person. i still have it. haha!
and last but not least, we have the mirror drew barrymore. for this we had to find a photograph of a persons face, cut it in half right down the middle, and then draw what we saw on the photograph on the other side. so it ended up being a mirror image. we were suppoed to find pictures of people who were looking straight on. because if it wasn't straight on, you'd get an odd mirror image. kinda like i did. its funny because the photograph really did look pretty straight on. but the drawing looks weird. i really liked that project. also, surprise surprise, it took hours.

so those are a few of the things i did in design school. i miss art classes. i want to take some more. i really want to take the black and white photography class at nscad but its a few hundred dollars to register plus i have to buy film and all that...i'm not made of money. so looks like no.

ok, now i just want to say that there should be some way for blogger to know that you're drunk when you're typing things, and not let you do it. holy drunken blogging batman. i'm not going to delete it because i wrote it and its been there all day, but i'm going to try to never drunk blog again. ever.

last night, in my drunken state, i somehow ended up in a wrestling match. my stomach feels all bruised. owie.

this is a really long post, but it's worth it.

drunken

i am way too drunk to deal with tomorrow. its 3:15am. ugh. i have to get up at 7:30.

also, my love for anderson cooper goes way WAY beyond my physical attraction for him.

and i had a huge discussion [as serious as one can get when 6 to 8 beer have been consumed] about what is attractive and what i am looking for and what i deserve in a relationship. it was decided amongst the group that i deserve way more than what i want at this moment in time. but i think that i deserve exactly what i want. i know what i want and what kind of people want me and i think that what i want is exactly right for me at this time [i don't know who wants me at this exact moment in time, but i know the people who used to want me, are not what i want. but the people i want are exactly what i'm looking for, as far as i know].

ok. it is 3:20am. anderson cooper 360 is on and talking about the humanitarian crisis in Africa. I still need to call the student loan people to find out if i can go to Africa. it all rests on them. which sucks. because i'd like to go more than anything. too bad i'm not independently wealthy.

random thoughts

i love the cadbury commercial with the little chocolate man and the song and it says,
"and if a shark came up and tried to bite you,
you could say i'm chocolate i invite you"
hahaha so funny.

pour some sugar on me makes an excellent ringtone. so does big machine by the goo goo dolls.
i can't decide which one i want.

i am NOT going to the goo goo dolls concert because no one wants to go with me.
pissed.

i saw the best of she-ra: princess of power dvd at hmv today and i wanted to buy it. but didn't. maybe some day.

i can't design 2 ads in 3 days when i have 800 million other things to do.

i need to start drawing more. i miss it.

superman band-aids ARE cool. so shut up.

nothing smells better than fresh cut grass. nothing.

asshole

man, what is wrong with me? why do i attract such fucking morons? am i a bad person? do i deserve this shit? i didn't even do anything wrong and i feel like i kicked a baby. HE came onto ME. I had NOTHING to do with it. i mean, i was there and it takes two but he wouldn't stop and i was drunk and i didn't sleep with him, despite what he's told people. it's shitty because i really like his girlfriend. and i told him to back off. but she doesn't like me because she thinks i'm gonna steal him away from her. know what? he is all yours. i have zero interest. zero. and it happened like 5 months ago! why am i still dealing with this? and why is he still telling people? doesn't he remember how it turned out the last time he was telling people stuff? apparently he didn't learn his lesson. i feel like shit. i've been used and hurt before, but it always went away. i can't seem to get away from this. i feel disgusting.

ugh.

why am i still putting myself through this? it's all awesome when i'm in the moment, but after, i spend days being pissed off about it. and then i end up talking about it, and i get even more pissed off. but it'll blow over, and i'll forget about it for a while, and then i'll be right back in it. and the whole thing will start again. because it always does.

law students are hot

it's true. there is a hot law student sitting across from me right now. and he has a mac. awesome. i see hot law students in the computer science building all the time. i don't know what it is about them.

there is one major downfall of the law student though. and that is, they're law students.

damnit.

man, nothing frustrates me as bad as i frustrate myself. how is that even possible? there are some things/people out there who make me pretty crazy. but nothing comes close to what i do to myself.
i just wrote a plant diversity midterm. it was 30 multiple choice questions. and it was so easy! like, these questions, not tricky at all. but because i'm such a retard slacker, i hardly studied at all. i definitely passed the exam, but if i had actually put the time in, i could have probably gotten like, 100 on this. i'm such a moron! can somebody please kick me? seriously.

bedtime music

tied up in ancient history
i didnt believe in destiny
i look up you're standing next to me
what a feeling

-aqualung

a lesson

the last 2 numbers are 1 and 29. that's my birthday.

*sigh*

my baby has been diagnosed.
it's not good.
chanandler needs a new screen.
and i don't have $700.

:(

nervous! nervous, nervous!

ok. i get up in front of crowds and talk all the time! ALL THE TIME!! so why is it that my stomach is in knots over this stupid plant lab presentation tomorrow morning? i have no idea! i will have notes in front of me, and up on a screen. i don't get that when i usually get up in front of crowds! i do things like light money on fire! i should be more nervous about that than talking about flowers!

and poor chanandler still has his line. so he won't be able to assist in the presentation. so that means that we'll have to use my partners laptop. hopefully he remembers to bring it AND his connector for the projector. dun dun dun....

ok. i need a break.

i can only take so much reading about the hisotry of the angiosperm. seriously. did you know that the history of the angiosperms had been a subject and debate for many years? Darwin called the origin of the angiosperms an "abominable mystery". It appeared to him that the angiosperms had simply appeared in the fossil record with no obvious ancestors, in the early Cretaceous period. There is argument that angiosperms did exist as early as the Jurassic period (the Nymphaeaceae (water lily)). There is also an argument for "angiosperm-like" pollen in the Late-Triassic period, however it is rare. In most cases it makes up less than 1% of Triassic palynofloras and for the most part, this idea is rejected.
Angiosperms are thought to be monophyletic (all descendants derived from a common ancestor) and there are an abundance of fossils from the mid-cretaceous period, however, abundance does not mean origin, so the exact time of angiosperm origin is still widely debated. It is thought that insects played a major role in angiosperm development so the evolution of both need to be explored to fully understand angiosperm origin (according to some). Even geographic origin is widely debated between high-latitudes, and a more tropical location and migrated from there. [http://www.sunstar-solutions.com/sunstar/Why02/why.htm http://www.geocities.com/we_evolve/Plants/angiosperm.html]

exciting.

anyway, the lower deck posted pictures from the other night so i'm gonna put some up here. i always look like a moron in pictures.

chanandler! what has happened!

today is a sad day. this morning, when i opened my beloved ibook [named chanandler] i noticed a strange line across the screen. i had a panic attack and tried restarting thinking maybe he was just a little scrambled. restart did nothing! the line is there! it isn't all that distracting because its about half an inch from the bottom of the screen, but still. upsetting. if this just ends up being the first of many problems with chanandler, i'm in trouble. i can't afford to fix or replace him. but i don't think he's that old...he'll be 3 in february...that's not too bad. hopefully nothing else happens....

p.s. this is completely unrelated, but everyone should watch anderson cooper 360 this week [11pm-1am ast]. they will be reporting from darfur and the congo about everything that is going on. i'm glad that this is now going to be in the 'real' news and not just on entertainment tonight because george clooney is involved.

and bed time.

so i'm going to bed. right now. i didn't write the ethics critical response [but i did read the article]. or work on my angiosperm projeect. because all i wanted to do was sleep. all day. oh well.

i can't believe how crazy i'm going for last night. sorry. it was just so much fun and exactly what i needed.

was it worth it?

i am so tired. and i have so much school work to do. so were the fun times worth it? i'll answer that later. it will depend on whether or not i get my ethics critical response written or not. and if i do any work on my angiosperm lab project. but i definitely had fun. those girls at our table were hilarious. i'm glad they sat with us.
i'm such a fool when i'm drunk. i always think back on the night and just think oh man...i'm such a moron... i don't ever do anything overly stupid. i just feel foolish. and camera phones should not be allowed in the hands of drunk people. trouble! and the pictures are always all grainy and dark. i think they'd turn out better if the flash was used, but you have to actually set the flash for every picture and who wants to screw around with that when they're drunk and just want to take the picture? plus the flash on my phone actually blinds people. yeah, i'm not kidding. if you look into the flash, your eyes will burn out of your head. so i never really use it anyway.
i'm deciding right now that last night was totally worth it. if i hadn't gone out last night i would have actually gone insane. and now the month of october is going to be pretty busy for me so there probably won't be any drunken nights until some time in november. which is good. because i can't afford it, and its so much more fun when it only happens every once and a while. well, maybe there will be one. i think there is one weekend in october that is in the middle of the crazyness and i could justify a night of beer filled fun. yeah, i'm gonna say the weekend of october 28 will be a good weekend for some beer. oh man. that's another month away. that seems to be my limit. so thats good.

[on a completely unrelated note, john king, as great as he is, talks waaaay too fast. i find it hard to keep up with him. and obviously hilary is going to defend the work bill did as president...waste of time to hear what she has to say about it.]

alright. enough of this wasting of time. man, if there were a procrastination olympics, i'd win the gold medal in every event.

oh, and i thought that i was super lame for having sexyback as my ringtone [everyone needs a little justin timberlake in their day] but as it turns out, of the 5 girls i was with last night, 3 of us have the same ringtone. haha awesome.

and i almost forgot! pictures! this was last night. there are more, but my phone is being a bitch and won't send them. so we've got some pictures of some shameless cuties, shawn and luke, and then two lovey ladies. but its really dark. boo. and luke is cuter than shawn [even with the scruff ;)].

nothing better

ok. there is nothing better than a beer filled saturday night at the lower deck. wait. yes there is. its better when that beer filled night inclueds friends you haven't seen in a long time, and shameless. i. love. shameless. its true. what can i say. i had more fun tonight than i've had in quite some time. at least the last month. probably the last like 6 months. i know i've seen shameless in that time, but after having not seen them in well...like 4 weeks...which is a long time whe you see them like, every weekend, it was better than ever before. i'm so tired and it's almost 4am and i have so much work to do tomorrow, but it was totally worth it. shameless, beer, lower deck, mcdogfood...doesn't get any better. i wanted to attach a picture in their honour, but i don't have a picture of all of them. so no picture at this time.
i would like to apologize to someone if i was too annoying and talkie while things were trying to get done. i just miss the chats. and seriously, best hugs ever. thank you.
and now it's bed time.

freshmucker

i'm only posting this because it is relevant to how i spend my saturday being a science nerd. it has nothing to do with the fact that it's anderson cooper. almost nothing. anyway, we do this trick all the time. it also works with sand, and clear pop works better than cola. diet spritz up is the best. we did super accurate scientific testing.
the best things about this video are how he says, "freshmucker", and his laughing. i love hearing people laugh. and this is a good little chuckle.

and just as i head off to bed...

...everyone looks 573% sexier with glasses. damn.


p.s. you know where i'll be all day saturday! visits are welcome! come one, come all!

p.p.s. there are exactly 4 months till my birthday...the big 2-5...start planning!

super honesty time

so who saw postsecret this week? and did you see this one and deep down inside hope that you were were the subject of the secret? be honest. i sure did. it could have come from almost anyone. it feels good to know that people love you. but now it's friday. i'm sure that the secret poster has seen the card and the job is done by now.

wow.

the rain right now is amazing.

hilarious.

oh man. this made me laugh out loud. this combines two of my favourite things! jon stewart and cnn! is there a better way to start my day? i don't think so.

Video: Jon Stewart's I-Report *

p.s. hopefully this link works...it did for me once, and then it stopped. but it's not working for me off the cnn site either. so i dunno. sad.

save me from group projects!!

i don't ever want it to be said that i don't work well with others. i think i get along with people pretty well. i like working with people. i just don't like when those people are slackers and their slackness is going to affect my grade. if my slackness costs me marks, thats one thing. but i'm not putting up with other people's slackness. and schedules are just way too hard to coordinate. i think the problem is just that i live not so close to school. on the day when i have no classes, i'd rather just work from home. i need to move out. closer to school. really bad. who needs a roommate? eah? i'm a good bathroom cleaner! i'll just wait here quietly for the offers to come.

p.s. i am not the one with the TA crush. just to clear that up. i was just part of the conversation. even though my philosophy TA is kinda cute in an eric foreman kinda way....

yea for new shirts!

it came! today my new shirt came in the mail!

reading IS sexy...it's true...

curiouser and curiouser

so i just had a discussion with someone about TA's and crushes and where the lines are drawn. why is it that crushes are always had on the most inappropriate people? no one ever has a crush on someone who is readily available. and its not like it's this planned thing. stupid crushes on unavailable people seem to just be the way it goes. anyway, we decided that TA crushes are probably not a good idea and that all feelings should be immediately dismissed. concentrating in class/lab/tutorial is hard enough without that kind of distraction.

damn horoscopes....

its weird that yesterday i had the med school lightbulb and today, this is my horoscope....

your life has settled down enough for you to temporarily take charge of your career. you have been riding the waves of change, but now the destruction caused by the incoming waves is clearing the way for new and better goals. keep your eyes on the future, even if your nerves get rattled with uncertainty. with patience, you will reach your desired destination.


and the official outcome of that other horoscope that i was talking about a month or so ago is, i fucked up and things turned out exactly like it said they would. sad damnit.

i hate horoscopes.

scary and intimidating

so when i was on the bus today on my way home, the bus got pretty full. all the seats were full and people were standing. all the seats, except the one next to me. why? i have no idea. i had my backpack on my lap, so the seat was empty. it's not like i'm fat and take up 2 seats. and i don't play my music all blasting so everyone around me can hear it. someone can totally sit comfortably next to me on the bus. i was once told by someone that i was scary and intimidating. think that's why no one wants to sit next to me on the bus? they see me sitting there looking all scary and intimidating and so they don't sit? they'd rather stand? am i scary and intimidating? or do i just smell and no one wants to tell me?

what do you do with an undergrad?

i've been thinking a lot lately about the future. i don't really do that very often. i have a hard time with that vision. i don't know what brought upon this whole plan for the future business, but i've definitely woken up.
i've started thinking about the direction i want to take within my biology degree. there are lots of areas to study and i need to pick one. what i've realized from this is that i love genetics and that i've closed off some options due to my just get through right now way of living. due to the fact that my only goal was to pass the class, don't worry about how well you do, just pass it, i only got a D in first year chemistry. the thing is, i really like chemistry and when i put my mind to it, i'm good at it. but i ended up with this D and because of that, i can't take any higher level genetics or biochemistry classes because they all require a minimum of a C in first year chem. blast. and because i'm already so far behind in the whole school thing, and have already spent so much money, i don't want to get into retaking classes.
I am also starting to think about what happens after i get this biology degree. everyone i know with just an undergrad is wandering around wondering what to do with their life. they are either working jobs that have nothing to do with the 4 or 5 years they spent in school, or they are working in entry level lab jobs that they hate, or they are just taking random undergrad classes just to stay in school until they figure out their plan. an undergrad all on its own is useless. i need a plan.
So, due to a bunch of different things that would be a whole post on their own, the lightbulb that came in in my head was med school. i want to be a doctor. and the funny thing is, i have never considered doctor as a career before but i was a lifeguard for 6 years and i loved it. i know they're not even close to being on the same level, but in some ways they are similar. i loved learning about the different injuries and illnesses. and i loved learning how to treat them. as a lifeguard you are helping people in ways that not just anybody can help people. i've always known that i wanted a career where i was doing something usefull. making a difference has always been important to me. people always told me that i would make a good teacher because i've always had jobs educating children in some way. i've taught a lot of kids how to swim and about science and i really like it in those situations, but the thought of actually being a teacher makes me want to tear my hair out. i've had some really great teachers who have inspired me to be a better person. but it definitely takes a special kind of person to be a really great teacher, and i don't think i'm that person. if i'm going to do something, i want to be passionate about it. teaching is not a passion.
i've thought about a lot of different things and nothing really feels like it fits. i know i haven't tried all these things, but thinking about them kinda feels like wearing a shirt that is like, half a size too small. you can put it on, and you could probably pull it off, but its a little bit uncomfortable. right now, when i think about being a doctor, i feel like i've pulled on the right size shirt. it doesn't feel too small and that is the first time in my life that i have felt this way.
this goal is going to kick my ass. i'm nervous because i don't have a great school record. but, if i can ace this year and the next two, i might actually have a shot. thats the greatest thing about it - it's not too late. i've never felt this calm before. i really hope that this feeling lasts.

midnight phone calls

phone calls that wake me up at midnight are totally welcome when i put the phone up to my ear and i hear 'slide' being played by my favourite 80's coverband (even though slide isn't an 80's song....i need a new way to describe them....). fantastic.

yeah slide!

movie rain

it is pouring out. it's that super straight down kind of rain that people in movies are always making out in. after a heated argument, one person chases the other person down the street and yells at them to tell them how much they love them and how stupid they were. that's what kind of rain is falling right now.

the last kiss

what a great movie. funny, and heartbreaking, and optimistic. oh zach braff, your status as my celebrity crush is firmly cemented! you're so funny! and that love scene? hot. i want to see it again. the whole movie. not just the love scene. and when this movie comes out on dvd, it will take it's place, warmy snuggled up to garden state on my movie shelf.

oh the fall....

how beautiful is it out today! this is definitely my favourite time of year. i love it. this awesome time thats just summer ending and fall just starting. it's perfect. i love that crisp feeling in the air. i could have spent all day outside. but class took care of that.
ok, speaking of class, i had a philosophy tutorial today. and i have a hard enough time wrapping my brain around the whole philosophy thing. i don't want to have to explain exactly what it is that makes me not get it. because i do get it...it's just...wordy. i don't know. anyway, the classroom we were in faces the soccer field. with about 15 mins left in the tutorial (where we were talking about human rights), eye of the tiger starts blasting from the field loudspeakers. the ta was not impressed. he was like, WHAT is that? and people were like, soccer field. and he was like, there is a soccer game NOW? and he started complaining about how distracting it was and what are they thinking, blah blah blah... and then he says, this is infringing on my right to a quiet thinking environment. maybe it is, but if you made them turn it off, that would be infringing on their right to blast eye of the tiger as loud as they want to to pump up the team. so what would make your right to a quiet thinking environment more important than their right to loud music? see? this is my problem with philosophy.
anyway, i think i'm gonna hit a movie tonight. i need to get out of the house for something other than school and work. speaking of work, tomorrow should be interesting. i think that the day could go either way. we're either gonna be bored to tears because there will be no one, or we're gonna get our asses kicked because it will be so insanely busy. if you're in the city for any reason tomorrow, COME VISIT ME!!!
the forbs list of richest americans has 400 people on it, and the lowest amount of money on the list is $1 billion. that's disgusting.
and how come when wolf blitzer isn't on the situation room, john king fills in but when anderson cooper isn't on ac360, john roberts fills in. john king is so much better. john roberts is a moron.

p.s. how bad do i want to go to the copper penny this weekend? yeah, that's right. the penny. oh god, you have no idea....i miss my 80's band...and it doesn't make it any easier when some people are rubbing it in that i can't go.

volunteer oportunities

lately i have had a huge urge to do something worth while with my time. what i really want to do is go to africa. if i were a doctor or nurse or microbiologist, i would apply to doctors without borders. but since i am none of those things, i can't help them. i went on a hunt for various international aid organizations based out of canada. the one i would like to sign up with is youth challenge international. they offer 5, 6, 10 or 12 week programs to various countries including costa rica, guyana, nicaragua, ethiopia, kenya, tanzania, ghana, and vanuatu. i know some of those aren't african, but they're offered. and not all countries have the different lengths of time. like kenya only has 10 week programs. i think that i'd want to go to kenya, ethiopia, tanzania or guyana. it's expensive though. i'd have to raise anywhere between $2900 and $4000 + airfare depending on how many weeks i'd be going for. and that just includes what they need. i'd have to cover any medical issues such as vaccinations and any equipment or gear that i'd need/want. and some countries require an entrance visas. the good thing about this organization is that they offer tax receipts for people who give you money. i looked at some other ones that didn't.
anyway, how amazing would it be to go and do this? in the african countries the things the volunteers do are youth skills development, hiv/aids awareness raising and gender equality training. i think that it would be the most unbelieveable experience. to be able to help these people and get actual first hand experience of what life is like in these poor countries would be life changing. i'd have to go in the summer though because i can't miss school. i'm already way too behind there. and to go in the summer would mean that i wasn't working to make money to go to school the next year. how does that affect student loans? i could do guyana for 5 weeks in july and august and work before i went...i'd make some money. i dunno. i may never even do this. but i want to. really bad. so why not? but only if i could actually findraise the money. because there is no way that i'd ever be able to pay any of it myself. maybe i'll send them an e-mail and ask some questions. i looked at the application form and it asks you how you feel about heat, bugs, and sleeping on the ground. i hate all those things but i think that the experience would be worth putting up with those things for 5 weeks. especially where i get to come back here where i have air conditioning, no bugs and a bed. those people live there every day of their lives. and the heat, bugs and floor sleeping are the least of their worries. they have no food, no water, and are dying of aids. i want to do it. i think that i'm going to look into it some more.

profile update

i changed my random question.
i'll tell you the story if you want to hear it.
plastic cups, goggles, and 5kg of rice. how can it be a bad story?


thursday. grey's anatomy and er season premieres. don't miss them.

media-rage

so who is watching Anderson Cooper 360 right now? and who just saw that interesting little attacking Iran pro/con list? are you kidding me? what is wrong with the world? why does it have to come down to the US attacking and Iran retaliating? the best case scenario is that they just rebuild and that's it. but worst case is a list of horribleness as long as my arm. and then paula zahn asks the question, will this turn into a diplomatic showdown or have peaceful options run out? i think that if the UN is still involved, then at this point it looks like diplomatic showdown. hopefully it stays that way.
like i've said before, my trust in what we see on the news is shaky at best. i don't doubt the attacking iran best/worst case scenario. i think that could be right on. but paula zahn? you're just putting fear into peoples heads. that's why i don't like the news. just tell us what's going on. forget about all the speculation of terror. because all they're going to do is talk up potential disaster and underplay the talks with the UN. you know that's what that report is going to be like. because peaceful UN talks? not nearly as exciting as impending war.
and this whole thing about the pope's comments about the Muslim religion. have you been watching the news and thinking that every single Muslim in the world is in a complete uproar and there is killing and violence everywhere? because that's how it is coming across. but you know what this guy on 360 just said? that the killing and violent outbursts are confined to fairly small areas and groups. i don't presume to know the global extent of the outrage, or to understand the personal outrage towards the comments. that is not my point. my point is that there are now contradicting reports on the violence and outrage. so as someone who is not there, and not witnessing the situation first hand, how do i know what's true? why is there a need by the media to exaggerate everything? they are supposed to be informing the public as a non-bias, uncluttered source. personally, i don't want to hear what they think might happen. i don't want any "if's" or speculation based on events that may or may not happen. just tell me exactly what is going on in the world. let us as viewers formulate our own opinions instead of having them forced down our throats. your fear tactics just piss me off. you shouldn't have to take the news with a grain of salt.

what i learned today

i am not, nor will i ever be, a philosopher. i never really thought that i was totally science minded and would be able to handle a philosophy class, but now i know that i am definitely more of a science thinker than not. sitting in lecture with the intense eco-feminist and listening to what she's saying, my brain fights it every step of the way. everything she says, i have a "logical" response to. and the one thing that i always hated about non-science environmental classes was people who think they can change the world with a sign at a protest. i am not an activist. i am definitely a scientist. and this class? she totally promotes activism as the way to make progress. demanding that changes be made, with no actual solution isn't going to get anyone anywhere. you can't just say, stop global warming. stop it how? you need a solution. you can't just demand that it stop. maybe that's a bit of an extreme example, but do you see what i mean? or, stop using fossil fuels. are you kidding me? how are we going to just stop using fossil fuels? we have no alternative. i dunno. maybe i'm totally off in my thinking, but that's just how it is. so we'll see how it goes...

what i also learned today is that from mid-october until the second week of november, i will be extremely busy. stuff due like, everyday. well, maybe not that bad, but you know what i mean. its midterm season. so what that means is i won't see my favourite 80's cover band until possibly mid-november. what?! will i make it? guess we'll have to wait and see.

argh!

nobody actually knows everything!! so why do you say, "i know" after everything i say!! there is no way you know! how could you! i'm trying to help you! don't say, "i know" say, "oh really? thanks!" or say nothing! i'd rather you said nothing than say that you know...

angry.

lazy sunday

my room is clean. finally. it was such a mess. but not anymore! i still need to do some work on my closet, but i'm happy with the progress. other than the few hours i spent on my room, i've done nothing. there is plenty more i should be doing. i have some ads i'm supposed to do, a lot of reading for school, and work for the annoying summer employers that all needs to be done. working on satruday makes me want to do nothing on sundays because it's my day off. but i can't do nothing today. because everything starts again tomorrow.
speaking of tomorrow, i have this class. its a philosophy class. i've never taken a philosophy class before but it's required. so i have to take it. man, the prof is hardcore. she is this intense eco-feminist and she promises that this will not be your "typical" philosophy class, where it is required for some science students who probably don't have any prior philosophy experience. i would hate to be in a "typical" philosophy class. i have no idea what i'm doing. i'm really going to have to work my ass off. i actually have another class this term that is a philosophy class. justice in global perspective. it was on my list of accepted electives for my minor and it sounded interesting so i went for it. this prof also said that the class would not be a "typical" philosophy class. i believe this one. i think that i'm going to do way better in the justice class. we have to do a group project. my topic is terrorism and the "war on terror". i'm really excited to do this project. what project am i NOT excited for? group project on angiosperms for diversity of plants. i don't think that i've ever cared about anything less in my whole life. but i have to get over it and do well. i love my genetics class. it's going to be a lot of work, but i really like it. i think that overall this is going to be a really good year. i just hope that i can pay for it...my student loan was a LOT less than i hoped/needed it to be. i can pay my fall tuition, but winter? not so much. i have no idea what i'm going to do. i'm so worried. its not fair. school is so expensive. they make it almost impossible to go. but what can i do? just give me the money. why make it so difficult? don't even get me started on text books. bah...

upsetting thoughts

i think that someone jumped off the bridge this morning. i was driving across and all of the sudden, the truck in front of me stopped, the 2 guys got out, ran over to the bridge railing, and were looking over. they jumped across from the roadway to the bikeway to get a better view over the side. people in cars behind me were getting out to go look too. i'm feeling a little shaken up about it and i didn't even see anything. what has me upset is that my first thought was, there is no way i'm sitting here and waiting for these guys to get back in their truck and drive away. so i pulled out into the other lane and drove away. i don't like that i was just like, this is inconvenient for me. after i got off the bridge i was passed by 3 police cars with their sirens and lights going, headed towards the bridge. now that i'm sitting here thinking about it, i know that just driving away was what needed to happen. what am i going to accomplish by getting out of my car to go look? people are looking just so they can say they saw it happen. i'm not going to save the person. i can't bring them back. all i'm doing by stopping is getting in the way of emergency vehicles and people who actually need to be there. especially where i saw nothing. i don't think i'd be so upset if that had been my thought as i drove away, instead of, oh man i don't want to wait here.
i wonder what people are thinking as they fall. does a sense of calm come over you because you know that it's all going to be over soon? or is it more a sense of panic and regret? giving in and just letting yourself fall could be totally peaceful. maybe its different for everyone. but we'll never know. they're not here to tell us about it after the fact.
i coudln't concentrate in class earlier. this was all i could think about. and now that i'm here writing it down, my chest is getting tight and i am holding back tears. crying in the library is not what i want to happen.

september 15.

it is now officially friday. today is one year since my little trip to toronto for U2. that was such a fun weekend. and a fun little wait at the airport. now it's funny because i'm crazy for shameless. but at the time, i had no idea who they were and they were on my plane. if i was in the same situation this year, i think it would be a bit of a different wait at the gate.

and to anderson cooper - i don't like when you repeat segments that you just showed 2 days ago. people who watch your show watch it every day. so we've all seen this. and now its going to come back from break and show that video about the staged suicide bombing. so that will be the third time you've had that on your show this week. if you can't be there to host your show because you're flying out of afghanistan (which makes me happy), then get john roberts to host the whole thing and give us all fresh material!

and speaking of anderson cooper in afghanistan, at one point he's wearing a kevlar vest. so yeah, they protect the central area of your chest, but what about your abdomen? or your neck? or head? you're still completely vulnerable! and standing in the middle of the desert in afghanistan, a stupid little kevlar vest isn't going to help you when a rocket falls on your head.

hahahahaha oh stephen colbert! you are so funny!!! he's ripping up peter mackay and condoleezza rice and the little "romance" they may or may not have. how funny was that! man, i'm glad i saw that. another point for stephen colbert. are they actually going to name the bridge in hungary after him? that's rediculous. but hilarious at the same time. i heard that in hungary bridges can't be named after people who are alive. hahaha and i guess its true. but they're going to discuss it? interesting. perhaps i'll stay ontop of this....

why am i still awake? its 12:45. i have to get up at 7:00. i'm not even tired. i haven't been sleeping. i'm not sure why.

dispatches from the edge

looking for a good read? dispatches from the edge: a memoir of war, disasters and survival by anderson cooper is what i'm recommending. i understand that maybe i'm a little bias as i was an anderson cooper fan anyway. i like to know the news, but generally, i have a distrust of the media. i think it's a back stabbing, blood thirsty, ratings hungry fiasco and we don't get the real news. or the important news. and the reporters are fake. when i watch anderson cooper report, i feel like i'm watching a real person. his reports don't seem like he's just standing there reading a teleprompter. even though he is a reporter and he does go after the bloody stories, he just seems different. i don't know what it is. maybe it's that silver hair. whatever it is, when his book came out, i read the excerpt on the 360 blog. i was curious and went looking for more snippits of it. after visiting many an anderson cooper fansite, i realized i was going to have to read it for myself. so i got it on sunday. i started it on monday [yesterday] morning on the bus on my way to school. and i finished it today on my way home. let me point out that i am a reader. i have read a lot of books. fiction and non-fiction. i have gotten attached to characters in books i've read and i've cried over sad things and gotten excited and angry and all the other emotions. but no book has ever had the effect on me that this book had. i don't even know what to say about it. i want to say everything, but i don't have the right words. i don't know where to begin. i can't relate to the loss he's suffered, or the terrible things he's seen, but i know what it's like to feel lost. his honesty is, i think, the biggest thing. his honesty makes it all so real. the jacket describes the book as, "gripping, candid, and remarkably powerful", "striking, heartfelt and utterly engrossing". i know that these words are all just "jacket speak" to suck you in, but to me, this book was all these things and more. maybe i'm too into it and maybe i'm crazy and maybe i've taken the bait and just been sucked in by a ratings hungry reporter. but i'm going to read it again.

super.

there aren't many people that i just do not want to see ever. actually, i can only think of one. and he's in my 9:30 class. fantastic.

i love good moods

man, that song really kicked that black cloud. if i had known that a little video killed the radio star was all it would take, i'd have thrown it on the ipod days ago. i'll remember that for the next time a crazy bad mood hits [which isn't really all that often].

so last night was the big anniversary party. my mom's family is kind of.....country. not country like cowboy hats and chaps. country like backwoods and small town. i mean, don't get me wrong, i love them. they're my family. its just funny to listen to their stories about growing up and the people they knew and the things they did. my mom has 3 brothers and a sister. when i was younger [not like, little kid younger, just like, teenager younger], i identified most with my mom's youngest brother. he's only 9 years older than i am and we always seemed to get along the best, joking around and stuff. but now, he seems so immature. i'm not sure what it is, but i feel like i'm older than he is. i always thought that as i got older, we'd get closer and he'd be like, my cool uncle, you know? more friend than uncle. but not so much. my favourite in that family now is the oldest brother. and his kids are my favourite cousins. anyway, whenever there is some big family event and i'm going to spend the day with all them, i'm always so excited. but when i'm there and it's all happening, i never end up having an awesome time. i always end up kind of on my own. it has always been that way. my brothers are the same age as the favourite cousins so they've always had each other. and then the adults were always sitting around talking about adult stuff. and even though at 24, i'm now old enough to hang out with the adults, because i am one, i don't do it. i never really feel like i fit in. so i end up sitting on my own somewhere reading or something. they all get together and start talking about the good ole days or whatever, and i don't have anything to contribute. but last night was still good. i like seeing them because i don't get to all that often. and my parents really appreciated everything. they had no idea. so they were surprised. and my brothers and i pulled out the big guns and we're paying for a family portrait for them. my mom has wanted one forever but we never got our shit together and just did one. so the bros and i decided that we should commit and it would be a great gift. mom was pumped. doug was fairly indifferent, but i wouldn't expect anything else.

today i went to chapters. trouble. i could spend a million dollars there and still not have every book i want. i really wanted to get killing yourself to live: 85% of a true story by chuck klosterman. but i didn't. i have sex, drugs, and cocoa puffs. it's awesome. maybe i'll put this one on my christmas list or something. what i did decide on was anderson coopers book, dispatches from the edge, which i'm SUPER pumped about. and the postsecret book. as soon as i got home i sat down and read the whole thing. everyone should read it. seriously. all the weird little issues/problems/fears you have, and think are the only one who has this thought, someone else has it too. for real. i read so many secrets in this book that i could have just as easily sent in. and i never really felt terribly alone, but seeing "my" secrets in this book, made me feel not alone. i read the website every week. new secrets every sunday and i'm there. i have seen a few that i was like, wow. that's touching/painful/funny, but i've never REALLY been overly affected by any of the ones i've seen on the website. but reading through the book, one of the secrets in particular, as soon as i read it, my eyes were filled with tears. if anyone wants to read the book, i will lend it to you. but if you don't return it, i will hunt you down.

oh saturday....

have i ever mentioned that i love working here on saturdays? because i do. despite the irritating start to my day [due partly to my nearly week long bad mood, partly to the fact that the bridge was closed and i didn't know until i got there and then had to drive 20 mins out of my way to get to work by the other bridge], i am in a fantastic mood right now. what pulled me out of my sourness? as i passed through the tolls on the bridge, video killed the radio star came on the radio. oh the 80's...how i love you... it instantly lifted the dull gray that has been hovering over me lately. and now i'm here, working where i love. no more bad mood for me. even being officially introduced to someone's girlfriend didn't faze me. not that i care anymore. i just thought it would be weird. because sometimes it is.
anyway, tonight is my parents 25th wedding anniversary party. 25 years. that kind of blows my mind. not that i don't want to spend 25 years with someone. i would love to. i just question my abilities to find that person who will be able to put up with me for 25 years...

what is going on?

why am i so irritated lately? everything and everyone is getting on my last nerve. my mother? she's driving me up the fucking wall. lately shes been talking to me like i don't have a brain in my head, when in reality, she's the one who doesn't have a clue what's going on. i hate that i'm 24 and complaining about not getting along with my mother, but that's just how it's working out.

i'm not going to bars because i don't have a lot of money and i'm just tired of being drunk and being around drunk people. so please don't harass me about it. i'm not going. but that doesn't mean i don't want to hang out. going to bars isn't the only thing there is to do. i want to do normal, sober activities. movies? that's my favourite thing to do! who wants to go to a movie? hollywoodland? black dahlia? barnyard? let's go! the palace? the ale house? the lower deck [even though i love you]? no thanks. i will come to you guys when i want to go to a bar.

i need somewhere to study that isn't my bedroom or the library. in my room i just sleep instead of study and the library crushes your soul. any suggestions?

ugh! i need to get out of this rotten mood! maybe i'll clean my room and get some flowers....but not tomorrow because i have to work. maybe sunday. unless something better comes up. heh.

sleepy.

class tomorrow. going to bed.

feel like crying...not sure why.


why am i posting this? not sure of that either....

the way my mind wanders

it's funny how you're just sitting, doing nothing, and you see or hear something and it takes you somewhere that makes your stomach jump. it can be good or bad. it has happened to me 3 times in 2 days. yesterday it was a smell. i was at the bookstore and i walked past a guy and he smelled awesome. it doesn't matter who he smelled like, but my stomach jumped. it's been a long time. today it happened twice. first it was a song. nothing brings me back to my grade 8 grad dance like black hole sun [i wonder what happened to that guy...]. it came on the radio and there it was again. my stomach jumped. then, just now, as i'm watching gilmore girls [that's right. i love it], logan is talking to rory and his mannerisms sent my stomach jumping. the faces he was making, and the way he was moving his head - just everything - made me think of someone else.

one of those days...

school starts tomorrow. well, technically today was the first day of classes, but i don't have class on thursdays. but whatever. that's not what this is about. do you ever think about what you're doing with your life right now and compare it to what you thought you'd be doing with your life at this point? i don't really know what i thought i'd be doing at 24. i was never good at imagining myself in the future. but now that i'm here and things are the way they are, this isn't where i want to be. i can't wait to finish school and start my life. why didn't i do it the first time?

song of the day:

well she wants to live her life
then she thinks about her life
pulls her hair back as she screams
i dont really wanna live this life

-train