should i have something profound to say?

people get to deep around new years. they look back at everything that has happened and look forward to all that could happen...

there have been good times, but nothing that is standing out as note-worthy for a year end trip down memory lane. and nothing overly bad has happened either. i think that the one thing i really realized this year is that i have regrets. and i'm only just 25 [almost]. i've realized that by 25, some people have accomplished so much more than i have. even just little things. like they don't live at home anymore. i hate that i'm a struggling student. i hate that i'm trying to be responsible and stay living at home so i can cut down on student loans. i know that's the smart thing to do, but i'm missing out on my 20's.

i feel like i've lost touch with people i love. friends from design school are a big loss this year. what happened there? we were so tight. people i just met are also disappearing from my life this year without really having a chance to leave their mark.

and why am i still playing the same games with some people? it's been too long. can we just stop.

i'm really ready to grow the hell up.

that's how i feel about 2006.

happy new year.

i'm home!!

i love my dog. i'm never leaving her again. the end.

embarrassing!

so the people i was dog-sitting for weren't supposed to get home until 8:00 tonight. i was going to have 3 hours after work to pack up my shit and clean their house.

nope.

they're home now.

and my clothes are all over the room i was sleeping in. my stuff is all over their bathroom. my guitar tab sheets are all over their coffee table. my slippers are in the middle of their livingroom. the dogs toys are all over the house. the garbage should be emptied.

and the worst part is, this guy is my boss. i bet he saw my underoos.

at least i did the dishes.

p.s. exactly one month till my birthday!

i just want to write everything

i have so much that i just want to get out.

stuff has been happening the past few days/weeks that makes me want to spill my guts on everything. i know that i could sit here right now and write my entire life story without even hesitating.

but instead i'm going to say nothing.

except, i'm tired.

i think that sums up everything.

i'm just tired. i'm ready for my life to begin. i'm tired of feeling like a kid. i'm tired of waiting around for something great to happen. i'm tired of waiting for other people. i'm tired of not being completely sure of myself. i'm tired of feeling inferior. i'm tired of feeling unattractive.

there are going to be changes in the new year. if you want to be a part of it, you better let me know. because it's all getting left behind if not.

it's almost over!

tomorrow night i get to sleep in my own bed. i can't wait. and i'm excited to get away from that annoying dog. haha my tune has change quite a bit since the beginning. the dog is just so weird. she makes me miss my dog so much.

and i got a phone call yesterday from someone i haven't talked to in probably close to two years. he's home for christmas. he said we should hang out but i have other people who i want to see who have kept in touch who are higher up on the priority list than he is. i don't know if i'll get to see him or not. i wrote before about letting people walk out of your life and how i wish it didn't happen. well, this guy was my best friend. but then he reorganized his priorities [some things are more important than your friends] and we stopped hanging out. and then stopped talking. for a while it really hurt me. i was so upset that we had grown apart [it was like he was changing back into some junior high form of himself]. but now i'm pretty indifferent. if i don't see him while he's home, it won't be the end of the world. i guess i'm sorry that's how it turned out. we were tight. oh well. shit happens.

i had an awesome night last night with pei friends who are home. we were lied to by the 4th person for why she couldn't come hang out. lame. why tell one person you have a migrane and tell the other person you're busy? you don't think we're gonna discuss the fact that you're not there? whatever. just another person lost to a relationship. it happens all the time, right?

and, do i want to baby-sit on new years eve? what else am i gonna do? might as well... haha now i kinda wish i had plans. maybe i can make some before i have to let her know tomorrow about the kid.

painful

and gone. i hate this.

i hate that this is bothering me.

i hate that i'm being such a girl.

i hate that he's not here.

i hate that he won't be here.

i hate it.

i didn't want to cross that bridge

drunk and almost famous till 4am.

now what?

i'm not sure. this is not the list i want that name on.

merry christmas!

so it's pretty much over for another year. it's amazing how much build up there is for just one day. the pressure of finding the perfect presents for everyone, all the food that needs to be cooked, decorations, parties, traveling... and then in in a span of 36 hours, its over.

and this christmas, i haven't really been home. i am doing that dog-sitting thing, which is fantastic because i am getting a little break from my family, but at the same time, i miss my house at christmas. there are no decorations here or yummy cookies being baked or my brothers or my dog. just the weird dog and scary paintings on the wall. so it's starting to get a little lonely. 4 more days.

last night i stayed at home though. and i slept like a baby. i miss my bed. and my brothers and i played board games. i can't remember the last time i played a board game, let alone with my brothers. we played trivial persuit 90's, clue, sorry and half a game of monopoly. that game is way too long. i can't stand it but it's my youngest brother's favourite so we had to. and i forced trivial persuit and clue on everyone.

my parents loved the gift my bros and i got them. a duvet. they didn't have one. so everyone was right. i wasn't sure how it would go over but i was assured by all that it would be fantastic. and i got my boots! yea!! and a really nice gift from one of my friends. who wasn't supposed to buy me a gift because i wasn't buying gifts for any friends. i told her not to and she did anyway. but i love it. thank you again.

boxing day we usually head to new glasgow to visit my family - grandmothers and various aunts, uncles and cousins. but it's looking right now like tomorrow is gonna be somewhat messy weatherwise so i don't know if we'll go or not. have to wait and see. i'd like to go, but honestly, a nice sleep in would be beautiful. i haven't slept in in over a week. i'm tired from working all last week and then going out on thursday and saturday nights and always having to get up early for one reason or another. although...i can honestly say that thursday and saturday nights were worth it. thursday for shameless, and saturday for other reasons. there were some awesome people out on saturday night.

holy blast from the past batman

i just saw my high school english teacher. i graduated from high school in 2000. and he came up to me and said hi and knew my name. colour me impressed. because the last time i saw him, maybe a year and a half after high school, he had no idea who i was. i didn't expect him to know me this time. but he did. happy. i like being remembered. this is the feel good story of the day.

dear teen burger

you may be the most delicious thing i have ever eaten in my whole life. thank you.

i'm a crier

i didn't cry because i assumed there would be more. but now that i'm re-reading it, my chest is getting tight. i might cry next time. lame, i know.

best night ever

well, maybe not ever but it was pretty awesome. i love the lower deck. lurve even. i don't know if love is strong enough to describe it. and shameless? i lurve them too. i don't know what i'm going to do in the new year. seriously. just won't be the same. hopefully i get out one more time before it changes.

a night with shameless is definitely a guaranteed wicked time for me. i want to go again right now. actually, what i want to do right now is sleep. i have to work tomrrow. boo on that. but i'd go again tomorrow night.

p.s. if you [yes you] read this, sorry i was a moron. i know you want to leave but the thing is, i never see you and talking to you makes me happy. like it or not.

what superhero am i?

you are superman
you are mild-mannered, good,
strong and you love to help others.



click here to take the superhero personality test

happy-sad

it's tonight!

my return to the lower deck! and my band will be there!!

but about my cover band. big changes are coming. i'm not happy. and i may not get to see them again, as they are now. and i'm a little sad about it.

ok, a lot sad.

it just won't be the same.

sometimes i wish i lived in a movie

now here you go again
you say you want your freedom
well who am i to keep you down
it's only right that you should
play the way you feel it
but listen carefully to the sound
of your loneliness
like a heartbeat, drives you mad
in the stillness of remembering
what you had, and what you lost
and what you had, and what you lost

-fleetwood mac

bonus!

ok, so the best part about walking a dog at the park is the cute guy who is also walking a dog at the park.

ah dog-sitting

i am in love with this dog. and this house. and the quiet.

when i'm at home, i live about a 10 minute walk from 2 different supermarkets, 2 different drug stores, the bank, and tons of other stuff. but do i ever walk anywhere? no. i despise walking around my neighbourhood. but when i lived in the city, i walked everywhere. it didn't matter how far away it was, i walked. and just now, i walked to the grocery store and it took me about 20 minutes. i loved the walk! but if i were at home, i would have either drove a car, or not gone. lazy!

and now, i'm going to take the dog for a walk. beautiful.

also, i love visitors! give me a call and come visit.

what is happening?

so its 2:30, my brother still isn't home, my dad is awake, and i'm in trouble.

what?

yeah. apparently it was up to me to stop my 17 year old brother from going out after the dance. um, no. not really my responsibility to stop him. i told him he shouldn't go. he told me not to wait up. i'm not locking him in his room.

i called him at 2:00 and he said i shouldn't be waiting up and he would be leaving soon. and then like 2 minutes later my dad got up, saw my bro wasn't here, and came to ask me. i told dad that bro was leaving soon to come home so dad waited. half an hour later, no bro. dad is pissed. he calls bros cell. he hasn't left yet.

the best part of this whole thing is that i'm getting a responsibility lecture and i didn't even get to have any fun and i'm almost 25 getting this lecture. so there is no plus to this.

and now my mom is up. and my dad is telling her how i let my bro leave. and now i hear her coming towards my room. fantastic.

all i want to do is sleep.

so maybe i'm a goodie goodie

i never got in trouble in high school. ever. my parents trusted me completely. i never had a curfew. i didn't lie to them or sneak out of the house or stay out all night without them knowing.

i have the worlds heaviest guilty conscience.

my youngest brother is in grade 12. tonight was his christmas semi-formal dance. my parents like to wait up for him to get home. he's 17 and they know it won't be really late and they just want to make sure he gets home. which is fine. it's their thing.

ok so what does this have to do with me?

i was asked to wait up for him. my parents were tired and they have to get up so early for work. ok, that's fine. the dance ends at 11:00. no problem, i'll wait up.

but when he gets home at 11:15, he tells me he's just come home to change and he's heading right back out again.

hmmm. how do i approach this?

on one hand, i don't care what he does. go out. have fun. whatever.

on the other hand, i was told to wait and make sure he gets home ok.

so. do i tell him he can't go? no, i'm not his mother. but do i still have to wait up for him? i was told to wait up. i have to wait up. do i want to wait up? heck no. i'm tired. it's almost 12:30. i need to sleep. i can't sleep in tomorrow.

i can't go to bed. if he didn't come home, and my parents got up and realized, it would be the end of the world. but he's gone. and he's just with his moron friends. they say he'll have a drive home. but who knows really.

the funny thing is, i told him to go wake up mom and dad and ask them if he could go. he said no. and he just left. i would never have done that. never. and if it had been me, it would have been my mom waiting up and i wouldn't have even asked her to go out at 11:30 after a dance on a monday night. and my brother didn't even care. he just left. he said, "mom and dad won't even know i came home and left again".

so here i am suffering because i'm still being overly responsible.

the holiday

i just got back from seeing this movie. the holiday. and i have one thing to say.












jude law is beautiful.

doing nothing

i love having nothing to do all day. it's fantastic. because i know it's going to end. it ends wednesday. then starting thursday i work every day until school starts again except xmas eve, xmas day, boxing day, new years eve and new years day.

awesome.

could you hear the sarcasm? yeah. i kinda wish i hadn't taken on all the extra days of work. i did it mostly to just get out of my house, but now that i have this dog-sitting thing all lined up, i'll be out of my house anyway. oh well. the money will be good. i need to buy text books for the winter term.

so i went today to meet the dog i will be hanging out with. she is awesome. i am so excited. she goes for walks and is so unbelievably super friendly. she's great. and the best thing about this dog-sitting arrangement is that they live a 10 minute bus ride from work. where as my house is a 50 minute bus ride. beautiful.

tomorrow i need to clean my room because it's a disaster and i don't want to come back after 10 days to a mess.

and hopefully on wednesday or thursday i'll get to hit the lower deck. and good friends from toronto come home saturday! party on wayne!

christmas is coming!

so we put up our tree last night. my dad and I went out and bought one. a real one. i think we did a pretty good job of picking one out.

anyway, i don't know how it happened, but i always end up putting all the lights on by myself. that's pretty much the worst part of tree decorating and i get stuck with it every year. so my dad put the tree in the stand and my mom pulled the lights out of the box, and then they sat down to watch me struggle with 10 strings of lights. thanks guys. after some complaining, my dad ended up helping me. so that was good. but then they stopped. there are no decorations on the tree. just lights. they said they'd put the orniments on today while i was at work. yeah...we'll see.

also, my bros and i got our gift for our parents. i hope they like it. i would like it. if they don't, they can just give it to me. nooo problem.

on a non-christmas note, my exams finished on monday. and i haven't had any beer yet to celebrate. i could have gone to the lower deck last night with some people just for the matinee [mmmmm....paul lamb....] but it was my bros 20th birthday yesteray so we did the whole family dinner/cake/presents thing last night so i didn't go. there are tentitive plans to go to the deck on wednesday or thursday this week, but we'll see how that goes. i just need to go to the lower deck. i love it so much.

know what else i love? buck 65. and he's playing on boxing day night at the marquee. oh man do i want to go. i don't really care at all about anyone else who will be performing, but i want to see buck really bad. i dunno who i'll be able to rope into that. but it would be sweet. its only $7 at the door. come on. you know you wanna.

and today? i had a major bast from the past. a guy i went to school with all through elementary, jr high and high school was here today. i couldn't believe it. i haven't seen him since high school. he goes to dal! i go to dal. i have never seen him there. maybe i will in january now that i know he's there. haha and it was funny because i saw his brother first and i don't even know his brother and his brother definitey doesn't know me and when i saw him i was like, "HEY!!" but it was more just shock that i was seeing this guy than it was a greeting. and he was like, hey! haha i'm such a moron. he has no idea who i am. i love embarrassing myself.

poor muffin

so we're still trying to figure out what is wrong with my dog. they did urine tests and they both came back weird. so then they were worried about her kidneys so they did blood work. but the blood work came back normal for her kidneys, liver and pancreas. so what's wrong with her? no idea.

we leave water sitting in a bowl for her just all the time. i mean, we change it if it gets fur or dirt in it, and if its been there all day, we put new water in. but the vet wants us to only let her drink for sure clean, new water. so we have to put water in a clean bowl, let her drink it and then take it away and not let it sit. and we need to keep track of how much water she drinks in a day.
man, i hope she's ok. my dog dying is definitely not something i want to happen right now.

yea for tshirts!!

my tshirt came today!! my first ever threadless tshirt!! i am in love with it.

i ordered 2 more last week:
























i am in love with the bear and the honey one. sooo cute.

too bad they won't be here in time for xmas though. stupid slow-ass mail...

i'm free!!!

it's over!

OVER!!

man, that genetics exam was long and hard. but i think i did ok. hopefully.

i can't believe the fall term is over already. it went by so fast. i don't think that i'm going to as well as i really hoped to do, but i am definitely doing better than any other school term i've done. there is the possibility of an a- in my ethics class. me! an a! its exciting. for me.

i need to pick another class for the winter. there is a bio class i want but the only lab time doesn't fit in my schedule. pissed. it would fit if i dropped my music class, but that class is like a shining beacon in the darkness that will be cell biology and ecology and another philosophy class with the moron ethics prof. so i'd really like to keep it. but i don't need it.

anyway, we'll see. i have 3 weeks till classes start again. so that will be my winter break project. pick a class. that and clean my room.

lipglaws

alright kids. listen up.

do you like cool digital art?

you know, photoshop type stuff?

well, i do. so i added a link. not in my link list. its a button down a little further.

there ya go. that's the one. click it and go see her work.

that is all.

oh saturday...

so here i am at work. trying to study but it's not working out so well. genetics exam on monday. yikes.

best thing about studying where everyone can see you?

super hot dads who see you with your genetics book and start talking to you about it and complementing you on your extreme genius.

*swoon*

save me!!

i can't do it! it's too much! it should be illegal to put students under this much stress. 2 exams in one day AND a paper due? that's just crazyness!

the essay writing exam on monday and the paper writing today and the extreme reading tonight is killing me.

AND to make it all soooo much better, the dal web ct site is down. that's right. no workie. and that's where my class notes live. so now what? blindly reading the text book is driving me crazy because i feel like i'm missing the details.

ugh. i can't wait until it's over. i swear, tuesday december 12th, i'm sleeping all day.

all. day.

so don't try to call me or message me or e-mail me because i won't answer. because i'll be sleeping. all day.

i did however have an enlightening conversation with an assistant dean of science today. i am in love with dr. retalack. she knows everything. so the stats class has been dropped. but i'm going to try to pick up a 3000 level bio class. could be tricky. and turns out i need to take history or something. because philosophy is a humanity credit and i need a social science. balls. also, as a minor she suggested community design. interesting. and since i had that mentioned in my msn name, i got a message from a long lost once upon a time friend. best friend even. he dropped out of my life in an instant and i haven't heard from him in...i don't even know how long. he moved to alberta without even a goodbye. i found out from his msn name. so now he wants me to call him when he's in town over the holidays? i'm not sure what to do here. i said he could call me. if he calls, there might be coffee. if not, then maybe not.

ok. back to biology. wish me luck.

we live in a beautiful world

in the midst of finals hell and my bad mood and mopeyness, i have something.... to say. i don't know what it is.

a while back i stumbled upon a blog by a girl in her first year of university. i'm not sure how i got there or what made me start reading, but what i found was a girl who is very similar to me when i was in my first year of university. difference being that she is much more eloquent than i am. i have never been overly talented with words.

she wrote about feeling alone and unsure and unhappy in her situation. she felt disconnected from everything and unsure of how to proceed. that was me. in all of her posts, i see a little bit of myself so i tend to check back, just to see how she's doing.

today she wrote about song lyrics. now, i know that everyone hears/reads song lyrics and relates to them. i know that. but she wrote it. and coming from her, it feels a little more real. and she wrote about the relationships you have with the people around you. she brought up the question, if you died, who do you think would come to your funeral? who would cry? who's lives would be changed because you weren't here anymore. i think about that a lot. some days, i think that no one would even notice if i wasn't here. other days i picture a room overflowing with people mourning the loss of me. depends how i'm feeling on any given day. i know a lot of people, but i'm not close to a lot of people. i can think of people who might come, just to say they knew the girl who died. that a million lifetimes ago, we had this thing that looked like a friendship. and they'd try to make it sound like we were best friends. but really we weren't at all. it's sad that i think that of some people. but i can also think of [a few] people who [i think] would definitely be there [aside from my parents and brothers]. do you think that who showed up at your funeral would surprise you? this girl thinks we'd be surprised. because we don't really know how people feel. we're all too afraid to tell each other what is really going on. so there may be people who you think would definitely be there who you think care, but who don't really that much at all. and then there are people who care about you very much and you don't even really realize it.

her conclusions? don't wait to let people know how you feel. there is no such thing as too late. people don't have to step out of your life forever.

i can think of a few people i wish i hadn't let step out of my life. and i can think of a few people that are in the process of stepping out right now. why do i let myself lose touch with people? i never tell people how i feel. well, that's not entirely true. but i tend not to. for a number of reasons. fear of rejection, fear or confrontation, fear of reciprocation.

i don't know what else to say. i'm tired and i need to write a paper. but i think i'll go to sleep instead.

there's the switch.

know what i love?

lightbulb moments.

moments of clarity where you realize what's been happening all along, but you just couldn't see because the lightbulb was off. even though you were looking for the switch. because it sucks wandering around in the dark. but i guess it's different when you know you're in the dark. when it's mostly a case of wishing the light was on, but your eyes were just closed. but no.

now the light is on.

and maybe you feel like a bit of a retard. because you probably turned the light off yourself. moron.

but hey, it happens, right?

yeah...

superb.

man, sometimes people make me so mad. i hate the games people play and the shit they tell you. i hate when people act one way around you but it doesn't at all reflect what's actually going on. this is why i don't trust people. because no one is telling the truth.

i heart great big sea!

so i got my calendar in the mail and toady i went and checked the great big sea website and some of my pictures are posted! they didn't use all of the ones i sent them. but i'm totally happy with what they selected. you can go see them here.

happy december

i can't believe its december 1 already. this term went by so fast. i'm so excited for the break but i'm not excited at all for the extreme amout of work i have to do between now and break time. i'm really lucky this year. i'm done early. dec 11. excellent. that means i get a solid 3 weeks off before next term starts. sa-weet.

i've been feeling a little mopey latey. or a lot mopey. i think it's the time of year. i think that i've realized that stress makes me all depressed. it's a pretty bad thing. right now i'm stressed out the most about my genetics exam. i pretty much need to ace it and i'm not sure that's going to happen. also causing the stress is my winter term fee assessment. $3502.50. balls. that's totally unreasonable. my brother goes to smu and his is only like $2100 or $2200. smu bastards. or no, dal bastards. and then books on top of that. where is that money supposed to come from? ugh. see? stress.

i'm so tired. all i want to do is sleep. the bright side? 10 days and it's all over. and i might be dropping a class in the winter. why take stats if it's not required? i have a meeting on tuesday with some people in the know to discuss it.

i feel like i should have something important to say. but i don't. i'm just in that kind of mood. blah. that mood. you know? i need to read ishmael and write on the environmental themes before wednesday. i also have 2 exams on wednesday. and an exam on monday. and i have to work tomorrow. oh man. sucks.

ok. that's enough whining. i promise the next time won't be so bad. i'm looking forward to a good night at the deck once it's all over. that is my light.

p.s. i really want to go to festivus at the deck on monday because last year was way too much fun, but man, thats right in the middle of everything! i can't go! balls!

winter has arrived.

damn its cold out today. i hate it. i woke up freezing cold this morning and i haven't been able to get warm all day. despite wearing wooly socks and a sweater. right now i'm sitting in the library atrium right next to a beautiful hot air vent.

feels

like

heaven

i have class in 20 mins and i do not want to move. i don't think i've ever felt so warm and cozy in my whole life.

there is no way i'm going to class without coffee or tea or some other scalding hot burn my esophagus type beverage.

p.s. 2 months till i'm 25. scary.

sleepy.

know what is not fun?

being at school at 7:15am. tim horton's isn't even open yet.

lab exams are also not fun.

p.s. in-flight safety on december 2 @ the marquee..... eh?

confusion sets in

today, awesome things happened.

my great big sea calendar came in the mail, and i got a B+ on my philosophy paper that is worth 40%. awesome.

so why is it then, on this day of awesome things, that i feel like crying?

good times.

picture messaged 'cheers' from a good friend in toronto is awesome.

cheers to you too, man. you made my night. thanks so much.

disgusted.

is it even possible to be any more of a lowlife bastard? i don't think so.

why do people need to be such unbelieveable jerks? why can't people think things through? just look 5 minutes into the future and realize that their actions have consequences. for real. i don't understand how some people can think that they are the centre of the universe.

maybe someday these people will get theirs. because no one deserves to be so completely walked on like that.

too hungover for creative titles

going out on thursday night is a good idea at the time, but it makes for one awful friday. i would give anything to be in bed right now.

anything

instead i'm sitting in the library waitng for class to start. i might not make it.

but last night was a lot of fun.

except the married guy. seriously, it's guys like him that make me hate guys. he was wearing a wedding ring. i saw it. and then he started being flirty with me, and he took his ring off! jerk! i called him on it and he started saying that he wasn't doing anything wrong. not true. he took his ring off. i bet his wife would have said that was wrong. it really annoyed me.

know what else is annoying? people who sit at computers and use their laptop. man, there are too many people and not enough computers. don't be so stupid.

anyway, that's enough whining. its time for class. i might fall asleep.

oh, and i agreed to dog-sit over xmas. so excited.

don't hate me cuz i babble

why does it feel like friday?

probably because i have to work tomorrow and i keep thinking about it and i usually only work saturdays.

it'll be good to work tomorrow. like i said, i'm only ever there saturday so there is about 98% of the staff that i never see because they work monday to friday. so that's cool. but i'm not so pumped about giving up my day off. i usually use thursdays to be totally productive. i sleep in, watch a lot of movies, wear my pajamas, catch up on my day-time tv, you know, the really important stuff. actually, what thursday has really turned into for me is a day full of guitar playing. i don't really play for people, so during the day on thursday is really the only time when no one is home. so i play then. but not this week. oh well. i need money so this will be good.

so i saw the hot bus driver again today. that's 2 days in a row. i don't know if there has actually been an influx of hot bus drivers, or if it's just that i'm getting older, but there never used to be hot bus drivers. it's only been in the last year that i've started noticing them. but i will definitely not ever be one of those women who sits at the front of the bus flirting with the driver. with the whole exaggerated laugh and all that. no way.

know what else i've seen a lot lately? people crying. a girl in my genetics tutorial started crying in tutorial yesterday. she got up and left. i don't know why she started crying. we were talking about gel electrophoresis. not a very sad topic. i think the ta saw her first. he stopped talking and was looking and then everyone just kinda looked at the girl. i hope she's ok. and then today i was in the library and i saw another crying girl. weird, eh? i cried on the bus once. it sucked. at least in a class or something you can get up and walk away but where are you gonna go when you're on the bus? but at the same time i suppose we all know who she was so next week when she comes to tutorial, we'll all think, she cried last week. but on the bus, i was totally anonymous. no one knew me. i wonder what people thought who saw me crying.

also, today i realized that new years eve is a sunday. that changes things. non-new years things. i don't have any new years plans. i'm not really a big new year's fan. its always way too built up and the night never lives up to your expectations. you work so hard to plan something and buy a new outfit and all that and then its just another drunken night but you spend the whole night waiting for the awesome to happen. and it never does. and all my friends are all in relationships this year [wow. i just realized that. all my friends are in relationships. really? yes. i can only think of one who isn't. wow]. and i'm not a couple so that kinda sucks. who wants to hang out with a bunch of couples when they're alone? no one. last year i didn't even bother trying to make plans and it was good. i'm doing the same this year. no plans.

ok. this post is starting to make me feel mopey. so i'm gonna end it now. and i doubt anyone is still reading anyway. too verbose for some, i'd imagine *wink*

iiiinteresting....

i was just asked to house/dog-sit over christmas.

for 10 days.

dec 19 to the 29. 10 days away from my family.

and they have a dog! and i could take it for walks! and they live near the hydrostone and i like that area.

this could be good...

i'm obsessed with pickles

it's true. i put them on everything. my favourite? hamburgers and tuna fish sandwiches. not hamburgers and tuna fish together. those are two seperate meals. should i write, i like pickles on hamburgers, as well as on tuna fish sandwiches? ahh i think we all know what i mean.

anyway, what i actually wanted to say was that while i was on the bus on my way home, i had this great thing that i wanted to write about. but i didn't have my computer with me. and now that i'm home and have eaten my gouda and pickles, i forget what it was that i wanted to say. balls.

but i will say this. tonight is the goo goo dolls concert. and i'm still not going. and i'm still pissed. if i could hear 'slide' being performed live by the goo goo dolls, i'd be a happy happy girl. but alas, it won't be happening. did i mention i was pissed?

and it annoys me when you have a joke with someone, and when you first had the joke it was hilarious but the other person then proceeds to keep making the joke, 340957234 times over. and then it's not funny anymore. but they still keep making the joke. and by this point its so ground and beaten and smashed into such a fine, gray powder, it is no longer recognizable as the hilarious thing it once was.

and the song of the day should be slide in honour of the goo goo dolls, but it's not. the song of the day is windfall by son volt. you should all go listen to it. i'm not going to post lyrics because i want you to listen to it and hear them for yourself.

ok, maybe slide gets to be the honourary song of the day. like how movie stars get honourary degrees from universities. it's just a status symbol. but the real meaning just isn't there. it didn't work to get to be the song of the day. it just is by default. windfall actually put it's heart and soul into being the song of the day. slide did not. but i love it anyway. so here it is.

and i'll do anything you ever
dreamed to be complete
llittle pieces of the nothing that fall
may put your arms around me
what you feel is what you are
and what you are is beautiful
may do you wanna get married
or run away

-goo goo dolls

lets just go lie on the ice. for real.

grr-argh

tomorrow is the goo goo dolls concert. and i'm not going. and this is how i feel about it:


p.s. i realized today that the next time could be the last time. i'm undecided on how i feel about that. it's shit for sure but maybe it's not at the same time. i dunno.

p.p.s. my dog lived through the night. incase you were wondering. we're still not sure what was wrong with her. we're gonna change her food to some low-fat, easy to digest for dogs 7 and older food. even though she's not going to be 7 until january. she didn't go to the vet though. they suggested we try the food first. still scary. this is her. she's awesome.

p.p.p.s. i love that as my "friend", such concern was shown for my sick dog... thanks for calling/text messaging/e-mailing me to ask if she was ok after my freak out on saturday night... oh no wait, you didn't do any of those things. am i surprised? no.

p.p.p.p.s.[how many of these can you have?] i just ordered this shirt off threadless. i love their shirts. and this one makes me happy.

aaaaand sober.

nothing sobers you up after a night of drinking quite like 1:35am phone calls from your brother in a panic because he thinks your dog is dying.

yeah.

and what can possibly be done about it from the copper penny parking lot? your options are:

1. call the parents and tell them [and freak them out to no end - what can they do from cape breton?]

2. shut the hell up about it because there is nothing i can do until i get home so just wait

3. pick her up and drive her to the vet emergency

what was picked? option 2.

i get home and we proceed to have a 1.5 hour conversation about what's wrong with her and what we should do about it.

we decided that since she got up and walked, and drank some water and went outside, and came back in and lied down, we should just wait till tomorrow morning to call the parents. but there is definitely something wrong with her.

she better still be breathing when i get up tomorrow morning.

man, i'm not going to sleep at all tonight. worried.

p.s. not to take anything away from the situation with my dog cuz it's pretty much the scariest thing ever, but seriously? heels? what was i thinking?

helloooo weekend!

i love fridays.

i love that i can not do homework on friday night and it's guilt free.

this is what i did today:

1. wrote a paper for my justice and global perspective class

2. got a flu shot and now my arm hurts a lot

3. went to the mall - i bought shoes! i never buy shoes! black and high heals! so cute!

4. ate awesome supper that i got for my brother and i - i love macaroni salad and gouda cheese

i think i'm gonna go to bed early tonight because i've not been sleeping well lately and i have to work tomorrow and i'm going out tomorrow night. yeah, i know i said i was skipping the out tomorrow night, but its going to be cloudy so i won't be able to see the meteors anyway. but i'll probably still drive. i need to not spend money and i don't want to be hungover on sunday. know what i might do sunday?

go back to the mall!

i need some business casual [what that is exactly, i'm not sure] for the awards next week. i have a skirt but i need a good shirt to wear with it. and i have my new shoes now! happy!

i wish my arm didn't hurt so much though...

do you love awesome?

then you will love 'death of me' by buck 65.

you can download it for free on his website. buck65.com. then go to show and tell. i can't give you the direct link because he uses frames. damn frames. but there are 5 new songs there for free download.

they all will blow your socks off. but 'death of me' takes the cake. awesome.

however

you need to listen to it with headphones on. to really hear it. i'm not lying. try it.

i don't know how he does it, but he blows me away every time.

conundrum!

i might skip shameless on saturday night.

i know. shocker, eh?

this meteor shower thing has me crazed. i want to see it so bad.

so.

bad.

but skipping fun times with friends just leaves me alone to go see the meteor shower. and as much as i want to see it, sitting alone on the beach in the middle of the night is not how i want to do it.

actually, i don't even care. i'll sit at the beach by myself. i really want to see the meteors!

[weather update - 10:30pm: IT'S GOING TO RAIN ON SATURDAY!!! BOLLOCKS!!!!]

celebrations and sadness

first the celebration

this is post number 200 for me! 200!! wow. that's a lot of random ramblings from me.

next the sadness

i really want to see the meteor shower on saturday night. this could be the last good one ever [well, maybe not ever...but for a very very long time]! the comet is on it's way back out into the solar system and the next 33 year fly by might not happen because of jupitor! bitches!

my friends at space.com say that you will probably be able to see some meteors [a few every hour] in the pre-dawn hours friday, saturday and sunday but they expect a burst of activity around 11:45pm est [a few every minute]. this burst of activity is expected to last for 2 hours or so.

so even if i get out of the penny around 2 [ast] and the meteors are still seeable until 2:45ish, i'm going to be in the middle of the city!! boo-urns. i'd like to say that i'll get up on friday or saturday at some crazy pre-dawn hour to see the meteors, but i have class on friday morning and work on saturday morning. so i probably won't be getting up pre-dawn. i could just stay up saturday night...

if i don't have any beers and drive to the penny on friday....i could leave there and go out to the beach and see the meteors.

beautiful

anyone want to come with?

watch it.

good times had by all

man, how much fun was last night?

it was a mini reunion. island friends, vancouver friends, here friends, all back together! i love that we were all friends in high school and we're still good friends now. and we all get together and its just like it always was! we are the only people i know who loved high school.

and i saw one of my ta's. not the philosophy one. the biology one. he's only 22! he didn't think that i was almost 25. i don't feel like i'm almost 25. anyway, he's in one of my philosophy classes now and we have another philosophy class together after xmas but he said before he was gonna drop it because he was sucking at this one. last night i tried to convince him that we should be philosophy buddies. i don't know if i was convincing or not.

oh lab will be interesting on tuesday...

and can i just say, i heart the lower deck! i love that even if there is a huge crowd of people waiting to order drinks, i get one slid my way. it pays to be a regular. however, i haven't been there so regularly lately. it makes me a little sad actually. but my bank account loves it.

happy sunday!!

oh man. can't wait. out of towners are home for the weekend and tonight, it's all about the lower deck.

i am so excited.

i haven't been to the deck in a while [friday after the navy boat doesn't count - it was 30 seconds] and i have yet to witness the new signal hill.

plus friends from the island!

and it might be a reunion too! vancouver friends and island friends haven't seen each other in years! [hopefully vancouver friends come]

so happy!!

friday night good times

know where i wish i was right now?

anywhere but sitting in my room,

doing nothing,

with no plans at all.

BORED!!

november means meteor shower!!

that's right kids. every november we get to see the leonid meteor shower. what is the leonid meteor shower? it is debris from the comet temple-tuttle that crosses the earths path every 33 years. so every 33 years, the show is supposedly amazing. the last one was 1998 and between then and 2002, the meteors were more than 1000 per hour. i saw the one in 2001. it was amazing. i had never seen a meteor shower before. cold sitting out at lawrencetown beach, but totally worth it.

i haven't seen it since then. probably because no one wants to go sit out at a beach in november.

so apparently this year shoudln't be overly spectacular because the comet is on its way back out to the far reaches of the solar system. but i guess they're predicting meteors at the rate of 100 to 150 per hour. not too shabby. according to space.com the peak will be on saturday november 18 at 11:45pm EST [12:45am AST]. i want to see it.

but

i will be at the copper penny. or so the plan is at this point. i don't think that if i run out into the parking lot at 12:45 i'll be able to see anything. i'll be in the middle of the city. you need to be not in the middle of the city to see it. damnit.

so when is the next great meteor storm? 2028. i'll be around for that.

but

apparently that year jupitor is expected to throw comet temple-tuttle off from its current course through space. so we won't see it.

DAMNIT!

oh andy!

i'm dreamin 'bout those dreamy eyes!


apparently cnn has implemented a dress code - black suit, white shirt, royal blue tie. anderson and john king are pretty much twins tonight with their silver hair and blue eyes. their suits were even both pin striped.

david gergen was even following the plan. michael ware however seems to have not gotten the memo. casual navy button up shirt and fleece jacket? nice try. good thing he has that sexy accent to make up for this indiscretion.

i actually do watch the news to be informed...i'm not just about attractive anchormen [although it is a nice little plus]... attractive anchormen can only take you so far. you have to actually have an interest to be the cnn addict that i am.

p.s. the awesome shots of the "twins" are courtesy of phebe at all things anderson.

i hate the library.

why? because the super quiet you're all alone study areas are too creepy quiet. i don't like extreme isolation. but in the more open study areas you end up with jack johnson look-a-likes and their annoying girlfriends sitting across from you at your table. it was my table first! i mean, i have no problem sharing. the table is big enough. but seriously, don't come sit down across from me, facing me, and start being all tickling each other and pretending you're studying and passing notes. because it's distracting. i didn't join your snuggle fest. you joined my study fest. i have a genetics exam in less than 3 hours. i need to focus. so stop it.

and what's up with her just eating your food? dude i watched her take the spoon right out of your hand!

i need a new table.

also, looks like i'm going to a wedding next summer/fall. interesting. there's another reason the library is weird. it's so quiet and i'm sitting here trying not to laugh out loud...

p.s. i love my cell phone.

[edit] reese cups!!! i forgot i had them!! yum.

[edit again] ok, the democrats winning the house in the US election is fantastic. but they could win the senate as well! AND rumsfeld is stepping down! ha! what a great day in american politics.

nurse! pass me a scalpel!

man, i want to go to med school so. bad.

i have never felt so sure about anything in my whole life. for me, that's really saying something. i have never been overly confidant of my abilities to cross certain bridges and have wimped out in the past. but upon facing these same bridges again recently, i have managed to make my way across. slowly, and with a bit of an upset stomach, but i made it none the less.

my inspiration to go to med school comes from a bit of a stupid source that i'm not really comfortable blogging about. but i am grateful for it, and someday [if i make it] i will tell you all what hit me.

and no, it wasn't hoping that i'd run into a super hot john stamos-esque med student along the way. although, that would be a bonus.

why am i on this rant today you ask? because this morning i dissected a cockroach. if you know me at all you know that is a near impossible to comprehend sentence i have just put together. yes, ladies and gentlemen, I dissected a cockroach. if i can do that, i can do anything.

now all i need to do is not let myself down. i am a super-procrastinator extraordinare and i tend to disappoint myself quite often when it comes to school work. but recognizing that you have a problem is the first step to over coming it, right?

on that note, i'm off to study genetics.

tomorrow.

who knows what tomorrow is? that's right! election day in the US. why am i mentioning this? because the outcome of this election has the potential to change the world. it's amazing how the elections and the people in power in a country that is not your own can have an affect on your life none the less. the US is the worlds superpower and whether we like it or not, they have the control. look at the iraq situation! they dove head first into that without the backing of the UN. sketchy. and now they're in over their head. this election can change everything. hopefully the people get out and do what they need to do and then AC360 can stop being about all the stupid campaign games that are being played.

maybe i am a philosopher?

after that B i got on the first paper, i was pretty pumped. but then i got a C+ on the next paper. so i was ripped back down out of the clouds pretty quickly. and then? A+! WHAT?! yeah. now, i can't take all the credit. it was a group project. but still. wow. i've never gotten an A+ on anything ever in my whole entire life. this philosophy thing is totally new to me. and i'm happy. now i just need to get an A+ on my genetics exam on wednesday and on the philosophy paper i just handed in today... doubtful.

blah

i have to write my ethics essay. to be discussed: is nuclear energy an environmentally responsible solution to the energy crisis? value on my term: 40%

but i can't focus.

i feel like dirt for the pre-edit version of my entry from friday night. why was i such a moron? the annoying thing about it is, i'm not usually that moronic. i don't know what came over me. actually, yes i do [i think this is the answer to the moron question]. drinking is nothing but trouble. and drinking combined with feelings [that do actually exist] leads to an over reaction on the grandest of scales.

damnit.

i am truly sorry.


song of the day

this is the last time
that i'm ever gonna come here tonight
this is the last time, i will fall
into a place that fails us all, inside

-dishwalla

yikes.

i am so sorry.

i broke my own blogging rules. i forgot it even happened until i got home from work.

it's my fault. it will stop. i promise.

see you around.

yes. i am drunk blogging.

so in an unexpected turn of events, i got to see my favourite cover band tonight. not for very long though. but short is better than nothing. first, i was on a canadian navy ship. that's right. on a navy ship. drinking beer. for free. that's where your tax dollars are going. free beer for our navy guys and gals, and their friends. and tons of food. tonight i saw the biggest mountain of chicken wings i have ever seen in my whole life. i went through a phase of wanting to join the navy. but then i was on the ship. and i would definitely have a clausterphobia attack. holy cramped quarters batman. anyway then we went to the lower deck. and saw my cover band.
so tomorrow i have to work. 6 hours and 20 mins till i have to get up. that sucks. come visit.
i know the rule is no drunk blogging but i'm waiting for food to cook. i can't help it. and the foods are ready so this is the end.

ever hung upside down from your shower curtain rod?

because that's what we talked about today in my philosophy tutorial. i think that everyone had the same mental image of the ta hanging from his shower rod. we all laughed. a lot. and so did he.

and he read us this poem. by adam dickinson. i don't remember what it was called, and it's really bugging me. anyway, there was this line that said something like, my hands in your hair... i don't really remember that either because all i could think was, don't drool. haha it was so funny because i think that a lot of the girls in my class have a crush on him and they were all just like, *blank stare* as he was reading it. i'm definitely included in the crush on ta group. every time i see him i get a little more crushy. haha! it's just because he's so well spoken and funny. and a phd student. so, smart? although i think that's just a "stereotype" of the phd student. i'm sure there are some dumbass phd students out there. but whatever. it's not a real crush. it's just one of those stupid like, fangirl crushes you get that you have absolutely no expectations of ever turning out. a "healthy" crush, i like to call it. it's the same as my crush on marc garneau, or zach braff.

make that three things...

3. is it weird that i sympathize with crazy stressed out burnt hand girl?

two things...

1. i HATE self-absorbed, shallow people.

2. that scene in the first 5 minutes of er is pretty much my dream. oh my god john stamos. did you see that? hot.

the long morrow

that is true love.

happy halloween!

ok. i admit, an anderson cooper pumpkin? maybe that's a bit too much. but come on! its totally awesome at the same time. you know it.

and no. i did not carve it.



this is the picture it is based on:

yeeaaaa!!!

who got a B on their first ever philosophy paper? THIS GUY!!!

i want to jump and scream and do cartwheels.



so. happy.

i heart mitch albom

i've never been a witness to his skills as a sports broadcaster, but i love love LOVE his skills as a writer. maybe tuesdays with morrie was too sentemental. but i liked it. and the five people you meet in heaven was touching and really made me think. today i bought his new book, for one more day. i'm excited. i probably shouldn't be doing things like buying new books when i have school work to be doing, but i can't control myself when i go to chapters.

and that wasn't the only book i bought. i also got my secret. the new postsecret book. man, i don't know what it is about those postcards, but i'm hooked. the happy ones, the sad ones, the crazy ones, i love them all.

before i read anything i got today, i need to read some ethics. boo.

also, after missing out on the lower deck last night, i'm feeling the itch.

i need some reese's cups...


ps. 3 MONTHS TILL I'M 25!!

pissed.

i realize that bitching people out in a public forum probably isn't the wisest/most mature thing to do, so i won't do it, but i'm so tired of the bullshit.

this was the only guilt free weekend.

also i'm more pissed than i normally would be because i'm angry at myself for other things. don't you hate that? the affect that other people have on you? and it's completely out of your control. bastards.

yeah slide

i want to go to the goo goo dolls concert so bad i can taste it.

pearls of wisdom from grandpa timberlake

so i'm still awake [i have no idea why] and watching the tonight show for what could possibly be the first time ever. and justin timberlake is on. which is quite a treat. haha! anyway, he tells this story that his grandfather told him when he was about 10. i'm going to tell it to you now.

so once there was this dog. and the dog walked the same route everyday. along this route there were train tracks he crossed. so one day the dog is walking his route and the end of his tail gets caught in the train tracks. so he gets a little panicked because he looks down the tracks and he sees the train coming. so he doesn't know what to do and instead of pulling on his tail to try to get it out of the tracks, he turns his head around and tries to use his teeth to pull his tail out of the tracks. and just then the train comes by and the dog gets his head ripped off.

moral of the story?

don't lose your head over a little piece of tail.


excellent lesson.

am i argumentative?

i like to think i only argue when provoked. with some people, it happens more often. i don't purposefully pick fights or try to force my opinions on other people.

i need some feedback here.

does it seem like i always need to be right?

because i'm finding myself more and more annoyed every time i talk to a few people. every single time, i end up pissed. i hate feeling this way... and i hate that i think its the other person always needing to be right. because things happen like, i get asked a question, or for my opinion, and no matter what i say, i'm wrong. or they already know. so why am i even being asked? and why do i always listen to people whine about the same problems over and over and over again? not that what i have to say is all that pressing or important, but can't anyone listen to me whine? just a little bit? and yes. i realize i'm being selfish. but everyone needs to whine a little bit sometimes and needs people to listen to them do it.

oh my god i'm so annoyed.


and another thing. watching madonna on oprah and listening to her talk about her messed up adoption does not make you an expert on world events and the situation in africa. madonna on oprah. seriously? that's where you're getting your information.

we are definitely a tabloid nation.

i need to go for a run.

or someone to hug.

bus blogging

you know whats great about having a laptop? bus entertainment. seriously. i think of it everyday but usually i'm not in a position to haul it out and make it work. but today, everything is working out in my favour! i wrote my tutorial response question thing for my philosophy class. i didn't send it because i have no internet, but its written. i waste 2 hours a day on this damn bus. not to mention walking to and from the bus stop. i wish busses had internet access. that would be superb. imagine what i could accomplish then! the only thing that's creepy is the woman who isn't directly beside me, there is one set between us, she keeps trying to read my screen. does she think i don't realize she's doing it? it makes me think of that commercial for the screen cover thing and the guy is on the airplane and the 2 guys on either side of him keep trying to read his screen. haha that's such a funny commercial.

speaking of commercials, my ethics class today was about living the good life and what does that actually mean, the "good" life. so obviously we got into a huge discussion about consumerism and all of its negative aspects. that's one thing that i'm realizing about philosophy [this class anyway], it's so negative. all this class does is talk about negative things. how horrible people are and how fucked up our society is. it brings me down. anyway, i'm not saying that we don't all lead overly commercialized lives. we do. but i don't think that there is anything we can do about it. we live in the society we live in and that isn't going to change. sitting in my philosophy class with a bunch of people who think the same thing is pointless. its like preaching to the choir. we know there is a problem. the preaching needs to be done to the people who don't think there are any problems out there. but maybe i don't get it. i never claimed to be a philosopher. today the prof asked the question, who feels a sense of fulfillment?. out of the whole class, i'd say 3 people raised their hands.

i don't know where i was going with that.... is this me having a non-argument with myself? wow. that's pretty bad. its bad enough when you have non-arguments with other people, but with yourself? yikes.

the people sitting in front of me are being all kissy. i'm gonna puke.

parisian weddings and oldies tunes

if lorelai and chris come back from paris married, i will not be a happy girl.

and what was up with luke being at the town meeting? and participating? luke hates town meetings.

weird.



i did like how they played a little jay and the americans at the end of the episode. come a little bit closer. [you're my kind of man. so big and so strong.] how can you not love oldies? the boppy tune, the innocent lyrics... i can just see the poodle skirts twirling. even though this song is from 1964.

what's with today, today?

i over slept. i missed my lab. i missed the squid dissection. but my other lab was great. i think that genetics is really interesting, but i suck at it.
i need to write my ethics proposal. i am not really sure how to go about doing that.
i came across this picture on a friends msn space. i think it was taken at one of the tequila parties that happened back in may.

i miss my guitar. even though it is sitting right there. i can almost touch it from here. but i miss it. i haven't played in weeks. it is starting to collect dust. i keep thinking i should put it in its case, but then i feel like if i put it away, i really won't play. there was a guitar class that i wanted to take at school this year. but i wasn't sure how i felt about dragging my guitar back and forth to shcool. on the bus...could be annoying. so i didn't take it. i'm kinda sad. i wish i lived closer to school. imagine how much better i'd be if i took that class. sigh.

maybe i'll play just one song...


p.s.

song of the day

now if i wrote you a love note
and made you smile with every word i wrote

what would you do

would that make you wanna change your scene
and wanna be the one on my team

tell me would you

- justin timberlake

i'm probably gonna go to hell for this...

people who read the bible on the bus freak me out.

non-drunken nights at cheers

i know i said no more 4am blogging, but i'm not completely breaking the rules. i am not drunk. i write this with a clear head. i know, amazing, eh? i survived a saturday night at cheers sober. but i had my buds and my boys [not really my boys. i just think they're super] so it was a good time.

a high point of the evening was the awesome chats that were had during the band's down time. being used for your table isn't so bad when the company ends up being hilarious and fantastic. can the tables be turned? if i don't have a table and want to sit, can i go find where our table moocher is sitting and mooch off that table? curious.

we lost one member of our group towards the end of the evening. not sure where he wandered off to. but it was good he came out.

anyway, its definitely time for bed. i kinda wish the cabbie had stopped at mcdonalds. i could use a burger. starving. maybe tomorrow on my way to work. ugh. work. shoot me. come visit.

AHHHH!!! SO EXCITED!!!!

oh my god. guess what just happened.

ok. way back in march, i went to the great big sea concert when they were here. i somehow managed front row seats and they allowed picture taking so i got some prime shots. the great big sea website wanted people to send in their shots from the tour and they'd post them on the website. so i sent in a whole bunch. but then they never got posted! i was pissed!

HOWEVER

today i got an e-mail from helen, who is part of the great big sea team, and she said that my pictures really stood out from the bunch and she kept them in a separate folder for potential use at a later date. now. that could be bullshit. maybe she kept everyones pictures and this e-mail got sent to like, 3000 other people. but what she said was that she wanted to use one of my pictures for the great big sea 2007 calendar! hahaha! how funny is that! she said that the picture would be credited with my name and i'd get a free calendar when they were printed! I'm pretty excited because i'm a huge great big sea fan.

i wonder if it's gonna be like, a big picture for a month, or just like, a little down in the corner picture....curious...

BUT EXCITED!!!!!

also today, i spoke for the first time ever in my philosophy tutorial. know what i said? "the sum of the square of the sides of a right angle triangle is equal to the square of the hypoteneuse". who's a geek? this guy.

are you kidding me?

you are so full of shit it's not even funny. just stop talking. you're driving me crazy.

it's a dinglehopper

so after an hour long battle to find all the required cords, remote controls and whatnot to make a vcr work [yeah, a vcr. remember video tapes? big rectangle things?], i am now watching the little mermaid. oh man. i want it on dvd SO BAD!
its funny because i'm watching this for the first time in years and i still know every single word. oh man. i love this movie. and it never really occured to me before [probably because i was like, 8 the last time i watched this], but ariel is only 16. she's running off and getting married at 16! that's a little young, don't you think? but i guess it was way back in the days of princes and sailing ships.
and when ariel is sitting on the side of the ship and she's trying to point eric out to scuttle, she says, the one playing the snarffblat. wouldn't that have been the old guy? and what exactly are those little things that ursela turns the merpeople into?
i need this dvd.

pictures pictures!!

i love my girlies...

rain rain

usually the worst thing about the rain is how the bottoms of my jeans get all wet cuz they touch the ground and then my legs are cold and my feet are cold when i get home and when i sit on my legs in class [which i do all the time] my ass gets wet. but the worst thing about the rain today was i was wearing my pumas. and they got wet. bitches.

media ratings and tabloid stories

so the most recent post on my favourite anderson cooper blog, all things anderson is about ratings [news specific] and what kind of trash people are interested in. you can read it here. it was stated by sheryn [the author of the post] that john mark karr did an interview with larry king, and right after was on fox. so to make sure that you don't change the channel, cnn dedicated the first half hour of anderson cooper 360 to analyzing the karr interview. complete with experts on law and psychology. that way, you'd stick wtih cnn for something new than switch to fox for another interview. amazing how the cable news world works. but not surprising. as i've said before, the news media is nothing but a bunch of blood-thirsty, ratings-hungry story-tellers. i have little to no faith in anything i see on the news. maybe i'm overly critical, but that's what happens.

my point to this whole thing is that it's disgusting that cnn even agreed to interview him. and that there was a ratings battle over it. who cares! people are rediculous! why do you want to give this guy the time of day? the more interested people are in him, the more he is going to get out of it! he's going to end up with a book deal or something and that is just wrong.
so sheryn asks the question, "are we a tabloid nation?". the answer is definitely yes. a ratings war over scum like john mark karr? there are way more important things going on in the world. can you say, nuclear north korea? and even if cnn feels the need to stay within their own country, that's fine! there is plenty going on there! they have an election coming up!

i didn't watch anderson cooper last night. because i just don't care about karr or what he has to say. i left a comment on ata about this post [which i thought was awesome - the post, not my comment] but i think it got mis understood. someone commented back that to not watch 360 just because we don't like a story is to cut our noses off to spite our face. if we don't watch, 360 gets low ratings, and then we lose 360 [except she said we lose anderson]. i wasn't not watching to try to damage cnn. this wasn't about teaching them a lesson. i just didn't care. and she writes back,

"Lastly, you're right that money drives so much of what goes on. If he gets a book deal, it's because people will buy the book. They don't give book deals if they don't believe they will make money on it."

obviously. but that's the frustrating part. that people will buy it. and someone will make money. that's what makes me mad. the fact that people are so frigging nosey about the most retarded things! why do you want to read all the fucked up details? all these interviews and books aren't about trying to figure him out for the greater good. they knew he was trouble in 2001 and they blew it. they lost the evidence. all the signs were there and they knew he was sketchy. now its about money. frigging greedy bastards who just see dollar signs.

i'm so frustrated i can't even think straight.

welcome to today!

man, i am in a great mood. and i had to get up at 6:00 this morning. it doesn't even matter! today is great. so far. it is so nice out, i went to freak lunchbox and got some candy, my worm lab was fun [yes, i said worm], and i got an awesome present last night from miss mellie's new york trip.
WHO LOVES REESE CUPS!!! oh man. that's right. that tin is full of little mini reese cups. and you know what the little reese cup in front is? LIP GLOSS!! haha that's right. it tastes so good. who wants a kiss? there is nothing wrong with tasting like reese cups. especially if you love them as much as i do. and the bowl! i love bowls. i have this bowl with a cow on it that i got as a happy moving in gift from my old roommate and i love it. even though that friendship went completely sour...but whatever. this is about the frigging wicked reese bowl! look at that! and the inside has a picture of a reese cup! i'm afraid to add it to the pile of dishes for my retard family to use. it's bad enough that moo bowl is out in the mix. man, happy days. and there is a new gilmore girls on tonight. can today get any better? i don't think so. too bad i have to study for my climate change exam i have tomorrow. boo-urns. oh well. i have the weekend to look forward to! the most fun ever dr. poo's birthday dessert-a-thon on friday and the second most fun ever on saturday with shameless [except i feel a little weird about the last time i saw them...]! ah great times. great times indeed.

my touch, eh?

you are rain



you can be warm and sexy. or cold and unwelcoming.
either way, you slowly bring out the beauty around you.

you are best known for: your touch

your dominant state: changing

who likes music!

i just wanted everyone to know that i am in love with the new killers cd. in. love. i was pretty head over heals for their first cd and i was scared that this one wouldn't live up to my expectations, but it totally did. so happy.

sleepy saturday night

after the good times on thursday night, i woke up friday feeling kinda gross and assumed it was a hangover. but saturday i still felt gross and i gained a stuffy nose. sucks.

anyway, because i was in no shape for anything last night, i laid in bed and watched stupid movies on the w network. jersey girl was supposed to be on and even though it's a whole lotta bennifer cheese, i was gonna watch it [ben affleck is hot. admit it]. but they showed some random movie that did not have ben affleck in it. turns out, there is another movie called jersey girl. from 1992 with dylan mcdermott. it was cute! total chick flick. i mean, to the max. the girl saw the guy, wanted the guy, went for the guy, got the guy, the guy broke her heart and in the end, she got a grand gesture, kissing in a downpour AND the love of her life. does the world get any better than that? i don't think so. now the ben affleck version is on. man, i'm on a mushy movie roll. i watched the notebook this afternoon. how hot are ryan gosling and rachel mcadams? i had a huge crush on ryan gosling when he was on breaker high! haha don't laugh, you know you remember it! anyway, i didn't really like the notebook. but i love the 2 of them, so i had to see it.

beer + free beer =

drunken blogging. damnit.

wasn't that a rule? no more blogging at 3am? yeah, i thought so. delete...

but the night was so worth it. i had a blast. i got a birthday celebration sprung on me 2 hours before it was to begin. we hit dooly's, the pogue and half of us made it to the ale house on the promise that friends were bartending so there would be free beer. the birthday boy went home at midnight. what a trooper. but a former coworker, 2 people i hadn't met before thursday night and i left the pogue and went to the ale house. the new folks i met were great. boot camp friends of the birthday boy. i don't know their first names because they were introduced to me by their last names! anyway, the ale house was fun. it was not a double date, but thanks for asking. jealous is cute. no worries.
out on a school night kicked my ass. never again.

always on duty.

who says day-time tv is shit? inspector gadget is on! no way! i frigging love this show!
i always wanted to be just like penny. i loved her computer book! i used to have this musical book thing and i would pretend that it was my computer book. but my dog wasn't as smart as brain.
and dr claw should just give up. he's never going to "destroy gadget!". penny will always save the day. or he'll just live through his clueless bumbling.
i remember being little and at my babysitters house watching this show. it was on at noon and i used to lie on her livingroom floor and watch it every day. it's amazing that i remember that. i stopped getting babysat there when i was 4.
i also used to have nightmares about what dr claws face looked like. becaues they never ever showed it. so i assumed it was awful.
go go gadget imagination!

books. love them.

one book that changed your life

dispatches from the edge - anderson cooper [more...eye opening than life changing, but it had an impact none the less. i know. lame. but true.]

one book you've read more than once

east of eden - john stienbeck [and you thought your family was messed up]

one book you’d want on a desert island

persuasion - jane austin [unrequited love. what could be better?]

one book that made you laugh

the stinky cheese man and other fairly stupid tales - jon scieszka & lane smith [yeah it's a kids book. so what? read it. you'll laugh so hard you'll snot on the page. so get your own copy. see? i'm just like a kid]

one book that wracked you with sobs

the time traveler's wife - audrey niffenegger [sobs isn't even the right word. but bawling doesn't mean bad. possibly my favourite book]

one book you wish had never been written

mostly harmless - douglas adams [book 5 in hitchhiker series - stupid he should have quit while he was ahead]

one book you’re currently reading

genetics: a conceptual approach - benjamin a. pierce [no time for real reading. only textbooks]

one book you’ve been meaning to read

the two towers - j.r.r. tolkien [i know! i'm sorry! i only read the first one!]

if you give a pig a party

is that anything like, if you give a mouse a cookie?

i was reading the list of winners of the quill awards, which are awards given to authors. it's kind of a people's choice thing. anyway, i noticed that for children's illustrated, the winner was if you give a pig a party, by laura joffe numeroff. as soon as i read the title i thought of this book i had when i was a kid called if you give a mouse a cookie. i loved that book! it was so cute! i highly recommend it to anyone who has not read it. so anyway, turns out that this book is by the same person! i need to read it! i know what kind of trouble that mouse gets into for a cookie. i can only imagine the shenanigans that a pig at a party gets into! i think that a trip to chapters is most definitely needed.

if you want to read the article, you can do so here.

this song makes me want to cry. every time.

she lets herself go like an angel in the snow
she lays down on her back
down on her back - she goes

take me over when i'm gone
take me over make me strong
take me over when i'm gone
will they burn for me

she pulls me in and strips me down
she pulls me in and turns me out
she pulls me in and strips me down to the ground

-dishwalla

stewart/colbert '08

all i can say is, how awesome would that be?

read it

turkey dinner #2

so in light of the fact that i am having another turkey dinner today, i decided i would list a few things that i am thankful for because there are people out there who aren't even getting one regular dinner, let alone one turkey dinner. and i'm having two. so here we go.

i am thankful for my family being happy and healthy, having a roof over my head, two turkey dinners on the table, my dog, all my friends, my job that i love, the fact that i live in a beautiful peaceful country, my university education, [hopefully] the opportunity to go to ethiopia, for all the loser fun i have [*cough*shameless*cough*], my guitar, and broccoli salad.

so i think that just scratches the surface of all the things that i have to be thankful for.

have you made your list?

happy turkey day

i. am. so. full. i love turkey dinners with my family. yum.
but for as much as i love the eating, i don't always love the sitting around and chatting that happens after. they are always asking me where my boyfriend is and why i never bring him around the family. well, first off, there is no boyfriend. i'm getting a little tired of answering questions about it. like, why don't you have a boyfriend? what do you say to that? but i guess that's their job, eh? as my fmaily, they need to torment me about stuff like that. and they love me and they're great and i only get to see them a couple of times a year. so it's all good.
anyway, as much fun as i had with my family eating turkey, it totally kicked my ass. i'm so tired now! i need to have a turkey nap! i need to do my ethics write up first though.

maybe after one more piece of pie...

lookie what i found!

so i was digging through my desk and found some old zip disks from my design school days. i wanted to see what was on them so that meant digging out my zip drive. of course it was the most difficult thing ever to find. anyway, i got it and there were some good things on them! so i'm gonna share some of them with you now.
first we have the chicken. this came from an illustration for an article. i don't really remember what the article was about...ink blot tests or something. i drew a little guy looking at at ink blot and then this chicken was in his little thought bubble. everyone in my class loved the chicken for some reason and he kinda became my trademark. he ended up on everything i did. it was really weird. i mean, don't get me wrong, i love the little guy, but it was just a 2 second illustrator drawing. anyway, that's the story of the chicken. i'm actually really happy that i found this file. i don't have the file of the whole drawing he's from though. i wonder where that is...
this picture was a drawing i did from another drawing. it was to teach technique with these fancy coloured pencils [that cost like $35/box...and i needed 2 boxes]. it took me HOURS to do this. oh man, you had to layer the colours...like, start with the lightest colour that could be the base of the whole thing, and then the next colour and the next and the next. so some places have like, 10 layers of colour. i just sat and watched tv and coloured for hours. i ended up getting totally impatient with it and kinda started slacking on it a bit in the end. which resulted in me only getting a B on it. but i think that that also had something to do with the fact that the teacher hated me. but whatever.
oh the still life. this took hours too. and i had no idea what to draw. the criteria was, draw anything. so this is a random collection of things i have in my room. some parts of it i am so amzingly happy with i could do a dance. but then other parts i'm not so thrilled with. i won't point out the problem areas. i'll let you decide for yourself. but i know that i'm being overly criticle of myself because in the class critique it was picked out as one of the best and i got an A on it. fantastic.
hahahaha do you know what this is? this was for a self portrait project. the rules were, marks would be awarded for creativity. so if you just sat down with a pencil and did a drawing of your face, it could be completely the most amazing thing to ever be represented in graphite but you're not going to get an A because its not at all creative. so i found these rediculous colours of clay in my house and just was being a moron more than anything, but in the end, it totally worked out so i handed it in. the teacher loved it. i got a little bit of flack for the extreme colours, but the whole clay thing wasn't planned! i just fell on it! so that's the story of clay me. and its way more impressive in person. i still have it. haha!
and last but not least, we have the mirror drew barrymore. for this we had to find a photograph of a persons face, cut it in half right down the middle, and then draw what we saw on the photograph on the other side. so it ended up being a mirror image. we were suppoed to find pictures of people who were looking straight on. because if it wasn't straight on, you'd get an odd mirror image. kinda like i did. its funny because the photograph really did look pretty straight on. but the drawing looks weird. i really liked that project. also, surprise surprise, it took hours.

so those are a few of the things i did in design school. i miss art classes. i want to take some more. i really want to take the black and white photography class at nscad but its a few hundred dollars to register plus i have to buy film and all that...i'm not made of money. so looks like no.

ok, now i just want to say that there should be some way for blogger to know that you're drunk when you're typing things, and not let you do it. holy drunken blogging batman. i'm not going to delete it because i wrote it and its been there all day, but i'm going to try to never drunk blog again. ever.

last night, in my drunken state, i somehow ended up in a wrestling match. my stomach feels all bruised. owie.

this is a really long post, but it's worth it.

drunken

i am way too drunk to deal with tomorrow. its 3:15am. ugh. i have to get up at 7:30.

also, my love for anderson cooper goes way WAY beyond my physical attraction for him.

and i had a huge discussion [as serious as one can get when 6 to 8 beer have been consumed] about what is attractive and what i am looking for and what i deserve in a relationship. it was decided amongst the group that i deserve way more than what i want at this moment in time. but i think that i deserve exactly what i want. i know what i want and what kind of people want me and i think that what i want is exactly right for me at this time [i don't know who wants me at this exact moment in time, but i know the people who used to want me, are not what i want. but the people i want are exactly what i'm looking for, as far as i know].

ok. it is 3:20am. anderson cooper 360 is on and talking about the humanitarian crisis in Africa. I still need to call the student loan people to find out if i can go to Africa. it all rests on them. which sucks. because i'd like to go more than anything. too bad i'm not independently wealthy.

random thoughts

i love the cadbury commercial with the little chocolate man and the song and it says,
"and if a shark came up and tried to bite you,
you could say i'm chocolate i invite you"
hahaha so funny.

pour some sugar on me makes an excellent ringtone. so does big machine by the goo goo dolls.
i can't decide which one i want.

i am NOT going to the goo goo dolls concert because no one wants to go with me.
pissed.

i saw the best of she-ra: princess of power dvd at hmv today and i wanted to buy it. but didn't. maybe some day.

i can't design 2 ads in 3 days when i have 800 million other things to do.

i need to start drawing more. i miss it.

superman band-aids ARE cool. so shut up.

nothing smells better than fresh cut grass. nothing.

asshole

man, what is wrong with me? why do i attract such fucking morons? am i a bad person? do i deserve this shit? i didn't even do anything wrong and i feel like i kicked a baby. HE came onto ME. I had NOTHING to do with it. i mean, i was there and it takes two but he wouldn't stop and i was drunk and i didn't sleep with him, despite what he's told people. it's shitty because i really like his girlfriend. and i told him to back off. but she doesn't like me because she thinks i'm gonna steal him away from her. know what? he is all yours. i have zero interest. zero. and it happened like 5 months ago! why am i still dealing with this? and why is he still telling people? doesn't he remember how it turned out the last time he was telling people stuff? apparently he didn't learn his lesson. i feel like shit. i've been used and hurt before, but it always went away. i can't seem to get away from this. i feel disgusting.

ugh.

why am i still putting myself through this? it's all awesome when i'm in the moment, but after, i spend days being pissed off about it. and then i end up talking about it, and i get even more pissed off. but it'll blow over, and i'll forget about it for a while, and then i'll be right back in it. and the whole thing will start again. because it always does.

law students are hot

it's true. there is a hot law student sitting across from me right now. and he has a mac. awesome. i see hot law students in the computer science building all the time. i don't know what it is about them.

there is one major downfall of the law student though. and that is, they're law students.

damnit.

man, nothing frustrates me as bad as i frustrate myself. how is that even possible? there are some things/people out there who make me pretty crazy. but nothing comes close to what i do to myself.
i just wrote a plant diversity midterm. it was 30 multiple choice questions. and it was so easy! like, these questions, not tricky at all. but because i'm such a retard slacker, i hardly studied at all. i definitely passed the exam, but if i had actually put the time in, i could have probably gotten like, 100 on this. i'm such a moron! can somebody please kick me? seriously.

bedtime music

tied up in ancient history
i didnt believe in destiny
i look up you're standing next to me
what a feeling

-aqualung

a lesson

the last 2 numbers are 1 and 29. that's my birthday.

*sigh*

my baby has been diagnosed.
it's not good.
chanandler needs a new screen.
and i don't have $700.

:(

nervous! nervous, nervous!

ok. i get up in front of crowds and talk all the time! ALL THE TIME!! so why is it that my stomach is in knots over this stupid plant lab presentation tomorrow morning? i have no idea! i will have notes in front of me, and up on a screen. i don't get that when i usually get up in front of crowds! i do things like light money on fire! i should be more nervous about that than talking about flowers!

and poor chanandler still has his line. so he won't be able to assist in the presentation. so that means that we'll have to use my partners laptop. hopefully he remembers to bring it AND his connector for the projector. dun dun dun....

ok. i need a break.

i can only take so much reading about the hisotry of the angiosperm. seriously. did you know that the history of the angiosperms had been a subject and debate for many years? Darwin called the origin of the angiosperms an "abominable mystery". It appeared to him that the angiosperms had simply appeared in the fossil record with no obvious ancestors, in the early Cretaceous period. There is argument that angiosperms did exist as early as the Jurassic period (the Nymphaeaceae (water lily)). There is also an argument for "angiosperm-like" pollen in the Late-Triassic period, however it is rare. In most cases it makes up less than 1% of Triassic palynofloras and for the most part, this idea is rejected.
Angiosperms are thought to be monophyletic (all descendants derived from a common ancestor) and there are an abundance of fossils from the mid-cretaceous period, however, abundance does not mean origin, so the exact time of angiosperm origin is still widely debated. It is thought that insects played a major role in angiosperm development so the evolution of both need to be explored to fully understand angiosperm origin (according to some). Even geographic origin is widely debated between high-latitudes, and a more tropical location and migrated from there. [http://www.sunstar-solutions.com/sunstar/Why02/why.htm http://www.geocities.com/we_evolve/Plants/angiosperm.html]

exciting.

anyway, the lower deck posted pictures from the other night so i'm gonna put some up here. i always look like a moron in pictures.

chanandler! what has happened!

today is a sad day. this morning, when i opened my beloved ibook [named chanandler] i noticed a strange line across the screen. i had a panic attack and tried restarting thinking maybe he was just a little scrambled. restart did nothing! the line is there! it isn't all that distracting because its about half an inch from the bottom of the screen, but still. upsetting. if this just ends up being the first of many problems with chanandler, i'm in trouble. i can't afford to fix or replace him. but i don't think he's that old...he'll be 3 in february...that's not too bad. hopefully nothing else happens....

p.s. this is completely unrelated, but everyone should watch anderson cooper 360 this week [11pm-1am ast]. they will be reporting from darfur and the congo about everything that is going on. i'm glad that this is now going to be in the 'real' news and not just on entertainment tonight because george clooney is involved.