freshmucker

i'm only posting this because it is relevant to how i spend my saturday being a science nerd. it has nothing to do with the fact that it's anderson cooper. almost nothing. anyway, we do this trick all the time. it also works with sand, and clear pop works better than cola. diet spritz up is the best. we did super accurate scientific testing.
the best things about this video are how he says, "freshmucker", and his laughing. i love hearing people laugh. and this is a good little chuckle.

and just as i head off to bed...

...everyone looks 573% sexier with glasses. damn.


p.s. you know where i'll be all day saturday! visits are welcome! come one, come all!

p.p.s. there are exactly 4 months till my birthday...the big 2-5...start planning!

super honesty time

so who saw postsecret this week? and did you see this one and deep down inside hope that you were were the subject of the secret? be honest. i sure did. it could have come from almost anyone. it feels good to know that people love you. but now it's friday. i'm sure that the secret poster has seen the card and the job is done by now.

wow.

the rain right now is amazing.

hilarious.

oh man. this made me laugh out loud. this combines two of my favourite things! jon stewart and cnn! is there a better way to start my day? i don't think so.

Video: Jon Stewart's I-Report *

p.s. hopefully this link works...it did for me once, and then it stopped. but it's not working for me off the cnn site either. so i dunno. sad.

save me from group projects!!

i don't ever want it to be said that i don't work well with others. i think i get along with people pretty well. i like working with people. i just don't like when those people are slackers and their slackness is going to affect my grade. if my slackness costs me marks, thats one thing. but i'm not putting up with other people's slackness. and schedules are just way too hard to coordinate. i think the problem is just that i live not so close to school. on the day when i have no classes, i'd rather just work from home. i need to move out. closer to school. really bad. who needs a roommate? eah? i'm a good bathroom cleaner! i'll just wait here quietly for the offers to come.

p.s. i am not the one with the TA crush. just to clear that up. i was just part of the conversation. even though my philosophy TA is kinda cute in an eric foreman kinda way....

yea for new shirts!

it came! today my new shirt came in the mail!

reading IS sexy...it's true...

curiouser and curiouser

so i just had a discussion with someone about TA's and crushes and where the lines are drawn. why is it that crushes are always had on the most inappropriate people? no one ever has a crush on someone who is readily available. and its not like it's this planned thing. stupid crushes on unavailable people seem to just be the way it goes. anyway, we decided that TA crushes are probably not a good idea and that all feelings should be immediately dismissed. concentrating in class/lab/tutorial is hard enough without that kind of distraction.

damn horoscopes....

its weird that yesterday i had the med school lightbulb and today, this is my horoscope....

your life has settled down enough for you to temporarily take charge of your career. you have been riding the waves of change, but now the destruction caused by the incoming waves is clearing the way for new and better goals. keep your eyes on the future, even if your nerves get rattled with uncertainty. with patience, you will reach your desired destination.


and the official outcome of that other horoscope that i was talking about a month or so ago is, i fucked up and things turned out exactly like it said they would. sad damnit.

i hate horoscopes.

scary and intimidating

so when i was on the bus today on my way home, the bus got pretty full. all the seats were full and people were standing. all the seats, except the one next to me. why? i have no idea. i had my backpack on my lap, so the seat was empty. it's not like i'm fat and take up 2 seats. and i don't play my music all blasting so everyone around me can hear it. someone can totally sit comfortably next to me on the bus. i was once told by someone that i was scary and intimidating. think that's why no one wants to sit next to me on the bus? they see me sitting there looking all scary and intimidating and so they don't sit? they'd rather stand? am i scary and intimidating? or do i just smell and no one wants to tell me?

what do you do with an undergrad?

i've been thinking a lot lately about the future. i don't really do that very often. i have a hard time with that vision. i don't know what brought upon this whole plan for the future business, but i've definitely woken up.
i've started thinking about the direction i want to take within my biology degree. there are lots of areas to study and i need to pick one. what i've realized from this is that i love genetics and that i've closed off some options due to my just get through right now way of living. due to the fact that my only goal was to pass the class, don't worry about how well you do, just pass it, i only got a D in first year chemistry. the thing is, i really like chemistry and when i put my mind to it, i'm good at it. but i ended up with this D and because of that, i can't take any higher level genetics or biochemistry classes because they all require a minimum of a C in first year chem. blast. and because i'm already so far behind in the whole school thing, and have already spent so much money, i don't want to get into retaking classes.
I am also starting to think about what happens after i get this biology degree. everyone i know with just an undergrad is wandering around wondering what to do with their life. they are either working jobs that have nothing to do with the 4 or 5 years they spent in school, or they are working in entry level lab jobs that they hate, or they are just taking random undergrad classes just to stay in school until they figure out their plan. an undergrad all on its own is useless. i need a plan.
So, due to a bunch of different things that would be a whole post on their own, the lightbulb that came in in my head was med school. i want to be a doctor. and the funny thing is, i have never considered doctor as a career before but i was a lifeguard for 6 years and i loved it. i know they're not even close to being on the same level, but in some ways they are similar. i loved learning about the different injuries and illnesses. and i loved learning how to treat them. as a lifeguard you are helping people in ways that not just anybody can help people. i've always known that i wanted a career where i was doing something usefull. making a difference has always been important to me. people always told me that i would make a good teacher because i've always had jobs educating children in some way. i've taught a lot of kids how to swim and about science and i really like it in those situations, but the thought of actually being a teacher makes me want to tear my hair out. i've had some really great teachers who have inspired me to be a better person. but it definitely takes a special kind of person to be a really great teacher, and i don't think i'm that person. if i'm going to do something, i want to be passionate about it. teaching is not a passion.
i've thought about a lot of different things and nothing really feels like it fits. i know i haven't tried all these things, but thinking about them kinda feels like wearing a shirt that is like, half a size too small. you can put it on, and you could probably pull it off, but its a little bit uncomfortable. right now, when i think about being a doctor, i feel like i've pulled on the right size shirt. it doesn't feel too small and that is the first time in my life that i have felt this way.
this goal is going to kick my ass. i'm nervous because i don't have a great school record. but, if i can ace this year and the next two, i might actually have a shot. thats the greatest thing about it - it's not too late. i've never felt this calm before. i really hope that this feeling lasts.

midnight phone calls

phone calls that wake me up at midnight are totally welcome when i put the phone up to my ear and i hear 'slide' being played by my favourite 80's coverband (even though slide isn't an 80's song....i need a new way to describe them....). fantastic.

yeah slide!

movie rain

it is pouring out. it's that super straight down kind of rain that people in movies are always making out in. after a heated argument, one person chases the other person down the street and yells at them to tell them how much they love them and how stupid they were. that's what kind of rain is falling right now.

the last kiss

what a great movie. funny, and heartbreaking, and optimistic. oh zach braff, your status as my celebrity crush is firmly cemented! you're so funny! and that love scene? hot. i want to see it again. the whole movie. not just the love scene. and when this movie comes out on dvd, it will take it's place, warmy snuggled up to garden state on my movie shelf.

oh the fall....

how beautiful is it out today! this is definitely my favourite time of year. i love it. this awesome time thats just summer ending and fall just starting. it's perfect. i love that crisp feeling in the air. i could have spent all day outside. but class took care of that.
ok, speaking of class, i had a philosophy tutorial today. and i have a hard enough time wrapping my brain around the whole philosophy thing. i don't want to have to explain exactly what it is that makes me not get it. because i do get it...it's just...wordy. i don't know. anyway, the classroom we were in faces the soccer field. with about 15 mins left in the tutorial (where we were talking about human rights), eye of the tiger starts blasting from the field loudspeakers. the ta was not impressed. he was like, WHAT is that? and people were like, soccer field. and he was like, there is a soccer game NOW? and he started complaining about how distracting it was and what are they thinking, blah blah blah... and then he says, this is infringing on my right to a quiet thinking environment. maybe it is, but if you made them turn it off, that would be infringing on their right to blast eye of the tiger as loud as they want to to pump up the team. so what would make your right to a quiet thinking environment more important than their right to loud music? see? this is my problem with philosophy.
anyway, i think i'm gonna hit a movie tonight. i need to get out of the house for something other than school and work. speaking of work, tomorrow should be interesting. i think that the day could go either way. we're either gonna be bored to tears because there will be no one, or we're gonna get our asses kicked because it will be so insanely busy. if you're in the city for any reason tomorrow, COME VISIT ME!!!
the forbs list of richest americans has 400 people on it, and the lowest amount of money on the list is $1 billion. that's disgusting.
and how come when wolf blitzer isn't on the situation room, john king fills in but when anderson cooper isn't on ac360, john roberts fills in. john king is so much better. john roberts is a moron.

p.s. how bad do i want to go to the copper penny this weekend? yeah, that's right. the penny. oh god, you have no idea....i miss my 80's band...and it doesn't make it any easier when some people are rubbing it in that i can't go.

volunteer oportunities

lately i have had a huge urge to do something worth while with my time. what i really want to do is go to africa. if i were a doctor or nurse or microbiologist, i would apply to doctors without borders. but since i am none of those things, i can't help them. i went on a hunt for various international aid organizations based out of canada. the one i would like to sign up with is youth challenge international. they offer 5, 6, 10 or 12 week programs to various countries including costa rica, guyana, nicaragua, ethiopia, kenya, tanzania, ghana, and vanuatu. i know some of those aren't african, but they're offered. and not all countries have the different lengths of time. like kenya only has 10 week programs. i think that i'd want to go to kenya, ethiopia, tanzania or guyana. it's expensive though. i'd have to raise anywhere between $2900 and $4000 + airfare depending on how many weeks i'd be going for. and that just includes what they need. i'd have to cover any medical issues such as vaccinations and any equipment or gear that i'd need/want. and some countries require an entrance visas. the good thing about this organization is that they offer tax receipts for people who give you money. i looked at some other ones that didn't.
anyway, how amazing would it be to go and do this? in the african countries the things the volunteers do are youth skills development, hiv/aids awareness raising and gender equality training. i think that it would be the most unbelieveable experience. to be able to help these people and get actual first hand experience of what life is like in these poor countries would be life changing. i'd have to go in the summer though because i can't miss school. i'm already way too behind there. and to go in the summer would mean that i wasn't working to make money to go to school the next year. how does that affect student loans? i could do guyana for 5 weeks in july and august and work before i went...i'd make some money. i dunno. i may never even do this. but i want to. really bad. so why not? but only if i could actually findraise the money. because there is no way that i'd ever be able to pay any of it myself. maybe i'll send them an e-mail and ask some questions. i looked at the application form and it asks you how you feel about heat, bugs, and sleeping on the ground. i hate all those things but i think that the experience would be worth putting up with those things for 5 weeks. especially where i get to come back here where i have air conditioning, no bugs and a bed. those people live there every day of their lives. and the heat, bugs and floor sleeping are the least of their worries. they have no food, no water, and are dying of aids. i want to do it. i think that i'm going to look into it some more.

profile update

i changed my random question.
i'll tell you the story if you want to hear it.
plastic cups, goggles, and 5kg of rice. how can it be a bad story?


thursday. grey's anatomy and er season premieres. don't miss them.

media-rage

so who is watching Anderson Cooper 360 right now? and who just saw that interesting little attacking Iran pro/con list? are you kidding me? what is wrong with the world? why does it have to come down to the US attacking and Iran retaliating? the best case scenario is that they just rebuild and that's it. but worst case is a list of horribleness as long as my arm. and then paula zahn asks the question, will this turn into a diplomatic showdown or have peaceful options run out? i think that if the UN is still involved, then at this point it looks like diplomatic showdown. hopefully it stays that way.
like i've said before, my trust in what we see on the news is shaky at best. i don't doubt the attacking iran best/worst case scenario. i think that could be right on. but paula zahn? you're just putting fear into peoples heads. that's why i don't like the news. just tell us what's going on. forget about all the speculation of terror. because all they're going to do is talk up potential disaster and underplay the talks with the UN. you know that's what that report is going to be like. because peaceful UN talks? not nearly as exciting as impending war.
and this whole thing about the pope's comments about the Muslim religion. have you been watching the news and thinking that every single Muslim in the world is in a complete uproar and there is killing and violence everywhere? because that's how it is coming across. but you know what this guy on 360 just said? that the killing and violent outbursts are confined to fairly small areas and groups. i don't presume to know the global extent of the outrage, or to understand the personal outrage towards the comments. that is not my point. my point is that there are now contradicting reports on the violence and outrage. so as someone who is not there, and not witnessing the situation first hand, how do i know what's true? why is there a need by the media to exaggerate everything? they are supposed to be informing the public as a non-bias, uncluttered source. personally, i don't want to hear what they think might happen. i don't want any "if's" or speculation based on events that may or may not happen. just tell me exactly what is going on in the world. let us as viewers formulate our own opinions instead of having them forced down our throats. your fear tactics just piss me off. you shouldn't have to take the news with a grain of salt.

what i learned today

i am not, nor will i ever be, a philosopher. i never really thought that i was totally science minded and would be able to handle a philosophy class, but now i know that i am definitely more of a science thinker than not. sitting in lecture with the intense eco-feminist and listening to what she's saying, my brain fights it every step of the way. everything she says, i have a "logical" response to. and the one thing that i always hated about non-science environmental classes was people who think they can change the world with a sign at a protest. i am not an activist. i am definitely a scientist. and this class? she totally promotes activism as the way to make progress. demanding that changes be made, with no actual solution isn't going to get anyone anywhere. you can't just say, stop global warming. stop it how? you need a solution. you can't just demand that it stop. maybe that's a bit of an extreme example, but do you see what i mean? or, stop using fossil fuels. are you kidding me? how are we going to just stop using fossil fuels? we have no alternative. i dunno. maybe i'm totally off in my thinking, but that's just how it is. so we'll see how it goes...

what i also learned today is that from mid-october until the second week of november, i will be extremely busy. stuff due like, everyday. well, maybe not that bad, but you know what i mean. its midterm season. so what that means is i won't see my favourite 80's cover band until possibly mid-november. what?! will i make it? guess we'll have to wait and see.

argh!

nobody actually knows everything!! so why do you say, "i know" after everything i say!! there is no way you know! how could you! i'm trying to help you! don't say, "i know" say, "oh really? thanks!" or say nothing! i'd rather you said nothing than say that you know...

angry.

lazy sunday

my room is clean. finally. it was such a mess. but not anymore! i still need to do some work on my closet, but i'm happy with the progress. other than the few hours i spent on my room, i've done nothing. there is plenty more i should be doing. i have some ads i'm supposed to do, a lot of reading for school, and work for the annoying summer employers that all needs to be done. working on satruday makes me want to do nothing on sundays because it's my day off. but i can't do nothing today. because everything starts again tomorrow.
speaking of tomorrow, i have this class. its a philosophy class. i've never taken a philosophy class before but it's required. so i have to take it. man, the prof is hardcore. she is this intense eco-feminist and she promises that this will not be your "typical" philosophy class, where it is required for some science students who probably don't have any prior philosophy experience. i would hate to be in a "typical" philosophy class. i have no idea what i'm doing. i'm really going to have to work my ass off. i actually have another class this term that is a philosophy class. justice in global perspective. it was on my list of accepted electives for my minor and it sounded interesting so i went for it. this prof also said that the class would not be a "typical" philosophy class. i believe this one. i think that i'm going to do way better in the justice class. we have to do a group project. my topic is terrorism and the "war on terror". i'm really excited to do this project. what project am i NOT excited for? group project on angiosperms for diversity of plants. i don't think that i've ever cared about anything less in my whole life. but i have to get over it and do well. i love my genetics class. it's going to be a lot of work, but i really like it. i think that overall this is going to be a really good year. i just hope that i can pay for it...my student loan was a LOT less than i hoped/needed it to be. i can pay my fall tuition, but winter? not so much. i have no idea what i'm going to do. i'm so worried. its not fair. school is so expensive. they make it almost impossible to go. but what can i do? just give me the money. why make it so difficult? don't even get me started on text books. bah...

upsetting thoughts

i think that someone jumped off the bridge this morning. i was driving across and all of the sudden, the truck in front of me stopped, the 2 guys got out, ran over to the bridge railing, and were looking over. they jumped across from the roadway to the bikeway to get a better view over the side. people in cars behind me were getting out to go look too. i'm feeling a little shaken up about it and i didn't even see anything. what has me upset is that my first thought was, there is no way i'm sitting here and waiting for these guys to get back in their truck and drive away. so i pulled out into the other lane and drove away. i don't like that i was just like, this is inconvenient for me. after i got off the bridge i was passed by 3 police cars with their sirens and lights going, headed towards the bridge. now that i'm sitting here thinking about it, i know that just driving away was what needed to happen. what am i going to accomplish by getting out of my car to go look? people are looking just so they can say they saw it happen. i'm not going to save the person. i can't bring them back. all i'm doing by stopping is getting in the way of emergency vehicles and people who actually need to be there. especially where i saw nothing. i don't think i'd be so upset if that had been my thought as i drove away, instead of, oh man i don't want to wait here.
i wonder what people are thinking as they fall. does a sense of calm come over you because you know that it's all going to be over soon? or is it more a sense of panic and regret? giving in and just letting yourself fall could be totally peaceful. maybe its different for everyone. but we'll never know. they're not here to tell us about it after the fact.
i coudln't concentrate in class earlier. this was all i could think about. and now that i'm here writing it down, my chest is getting tight and i am holding back tears. crying in the library is not what i want to happen.

september 15.

it is now officially friday. today is one year since my little trip to toronto for U2. that was such a fun weekend. and a fun little wait at the airport. now it's funny because i'm crazy for shameless. but at the time, i had no idea who they were and they were on my plane. if i was in the same situation this year, i think it would be a bit of a different wait at the gate.

and to anderson cooper - i don't like when you repeat segments that you just showed 2 days ago. people who watch your show watch it every day. so we've all seen this. and now its going to come back from break and show that video about the staged suicide bombing. so that will be the third time you've had that on your show this week. if you can't be there to host your show because you're flying out of afghanistan (which makes me happy), then get john roberts to host the whole thing and give us all fresh material!

and speaking of anderson cooper in afghanistan, at one point he's wearing a kevlar vest. so yeah, they protect the central area of your chest, but what about your abdomen? or your neck? or head? you're still completely vulnerable! and standing in the middle of the desert in afghanistan, a stupid little kevlar vest isn't going to help you when a rocket falls on your head.

hahahahaha oh stephen colbert! you are so funny!!! he's ripping up peter mackay and condoleezza rice and the little "romance" they may or may not have. how funny was that! man, i'm glad i saw that. another point for stephen colbert. are they actually going to name the bridge in hungary after him? that's rediculous. but hilarious at the same time. i heard that in hungary bridges can't be named after people who are alive. hahaha and i guess its true. but they're going to discuss it? interesting. perhaps i'll stay ontop of this....

why am i still awake? its 12:45. i have to get up at 7:00. i'm not even tired. i haven't been sleeping. i'm not sure why.

dispatches from the edge

looking for a good read? dispatches from the edge: a memoir of war, disasters and survival by anderson cooper is what i'm recommending. i understand that maybe i'm a little bias as i was an anderson cooper fan anyway. i like to know the news, but generally, i have a distrust of the media. i think it's a back stabbing, blood thirsty, ratings hungry fiasco and we don't get the real news. or the important news. and the reporters are fake. when i watch anderson cooper report, i feel like i'm watching a real person. his reports don't seem like he's just standing there reading a teleprompter. even though he is a reporter and he does go after the bloody stories, he just seems different. i don't know what it is. maybe it's that silver hair. whatever it is, when his book came out, i read the excerpt on the 360 blog. i was curious and went looking for more snippits of it. after visiting many an anderson cooper fansite, i realized i was going to have to read it for myself. so i got it on sunday. i started it on monday [yesterday] morning on the bus on my way to school. and i finished it today on my way home. let me point out that i am a reader. i have read a lot of books. fiction and non-fiction. i have gotten attached to characters in books i've read and i've cried over sad things and gotten excited and angry and all the other emotions. but no book has ever had the effect on me that this book had. i don't even know what to say about it. i want to say everything, but i don't have the right words. i don't know where to begin. i can't relate to the loss he's suffered, or the terrible things he's seen, but i know what it's like to feel lost. his honesty is, i think, the biggest thing. his honesty makes it all so real. the jacket describes the book as, "gripping, candid, and remarkably powerful", "striking, heartfelt and utterly engrossing". i know that these words are all just "jacket speak" to suck you in, but to me, this book was all these things and more. maybe i'm too into it and maybe i'm crazy and maybe i've taken the bait and just been sucked in by a ratings hungry reporter. but i'm going to read it again.

super.

there aren't many people that i just do not want to see ever. actually, i can only think of one. and he's in my 9:30 class. fantastic.

i love good moods

man, that song really kicked that black cloud. if i had known that a little video killed the radio star was all it would take, i'd have thrown it on the ipod days ago. i'll remember that for the next time a crazy bad mood hits [which isn't really all that often].

so last night was the big anniversary party. my mom's family is kind of.....country. not country like cowboy hats and chaps. country like backwoods and small town. i mean, don't get me wrong, i love them. they're my family. its just funny to listen to their stories about growing up and the people they knew and the things they did. my mom has 3 brothers and a sister. when i was younger [not like, little kid younger, just like, teenager younger], i identified most with my mom's youngest brother. he's only 9 years older than i am and we always seemed to get along the best, joking around and stuff. but now, he seems so immature. i'm not sure what it is, but i feel like i'm older than he is. i always thought that as i got older, we'd get closer and he'd be like, my cool uncle, you know? more friend than uncle. but not so much. my favourite in that family now is the oldest brother. and his kids are my favourite cousins. anyway, whenever there is some big family event and i'm going to spend the day with all them, i'm always so excited. but when i'm there and it's all happening, i never end up having an awesome time. i always end up kind of on my own. it has always been that way. my brothers are the same age as the favourite cousins so they've always had each other. and then the adults were always sitting around talking about adult stuff. and even though at 24, i'm now old enough to hang out with the adults, because i am one, i don't do it. i never really feel like i fit in. so i end up sitting on my own somewhere reading or something. they all get together and start talking about the good ole days or whatever, and i don't have anything to contribute. but last night was still good. i like seeing them because i don't get to all that often. and my parents really appreciated everything. they had no idea. so they were surprised. and my brothers and i pulled out the big guns and we're paying for a family portrait for them. my mom has wanted one forever but we never got our shit together and just did one. so the bros and i decided that we should commit and it would be a great gift. mom was pumped. doug was fairly indifferent, but i wouldn't expect anything else.

today i went to chapters. trouble. i could spend a million dollars there and still not have every book i want. i really wanted to get killing yourself to live: 85% of a true story by chuck klosterman. but i didn't. i have sex, drugs, and cocoa puffs. it's awesome. maybe i'll put this one on my christmas list or something. what i did decide on was anderson coopers book, dispatches from the edge, which i'm SUPER pumped about. and the postsecret book. as soon as i got home i sat down and read the whole thing. everyone should read it. seriously. all the weird little issues/problems/fears you have, and think are the only one who has this thought, someone else has it too. for real. i read so many secrets in this book that i could have just as easily sent in. and i never really felt terribly alone, but seeing "my" secrets in this book, made me feel not alone. i read the website every week. new secrets every sunday and i'm there. i have seen a few that i was like, wow. that's touching/painful/funny, but i've never REALLY been overly affected by any of the ones i've seen on the website. but reading through the book, one of the secrets in particular, as soon as i read it, my eyes were filled with tears. if anyone wants to read the book, i will lend it to you. but if you don't return it, i will hunt you down.

oh saturday....

have i ever mentioned that i love working here on saturdays? because i do. despite the irritating start to my day [due partly to my nearly week long bad mood, partly to the fact that the bridge was closed and i didn't know until i got there and then had to drive 20 mins out of my way to get to work by the other bridge], i am in a fantastic mood right now. what pulled me out of my sourness? as i passed through the tolls on the bridge, video killed the radio star came on the radio. oh the 80's...how i love you... it instantly lifted the dull gray that has been hovering over me lately. and now i'm here, working where i love. no more bad mood for me. even being officially introduced to someone's girlfriend didn't faze me. not that i care anymore. i just thought it would be weird. because sometimes it is.
anyway, tonight is my parents 25th wedding anniversary party. 25 years. that kind of blows my mind. not that i don't want to spend 25 years with someone. i would love to. i just question my abilities to find that person who will be able to put up with me for 25 years...

what is going on?

why am i so irritated lately? everything and everyone is getting on my last nerve. my mother? she's driving me up the fucking wall. lately shes been talking to me like i don't have a brain in my head, when in reality, she's the one who doesn't have a clue what's going on. i hate that i'm 24 and complaining about not getting along with my mother, but that's just how it's working out.

i'm not going to bars because i don't have a lot of money and i'm just tired of being drunk and being around drunk people. so please don't harass me about it. i'm not going. but that doesn't mean i don't want to hang out. going to bars isn't the only thing there is to do. i want to do normal, sober activities. movies? that's my favourite thing to do! who wants to go to a movie? hollywoodland? black dahlia? barnyard? let's go! the palace? the ale house? the lower deck [even though i love you]? no thanks. i will come to you guys when i want to go to a bar.

i need somewhere to study that isn't my bedroom or the library. in my room i just sleep instead of study and the library crushes your soul. any suggestions?

ugh! i need to get out of this rotten mood! maybe i'll clean my room and get some flowers....but not tomorrow because i have to work. maybe sunday. unless something better comes up. heh.

sleepy.

class tomorrow. going to bed.

feel like crying...not sure why.


why am i posting this? not sure of that either....

the way my mind wanders

it's funny how you're just sitting, doing nothing, and you see or hear something and it takes you somewhere that makes your stomach jump. it can be good or bad. it has happened to me 3 times in 2 days. yesterday it was a smell. i was at the bookstore and i walked past a guy and he smelled awesome. it doesn't matter who he smelled like, but my stomach jumped. it's been a long time. today it happened twice. first it was a song. nothing brings me back to my grade 8 grad dance like black hole sun [i wonder what happened to that guy...]. it came on the radio and there it was again. my stomach jumped. then, just now, as i'm watching gilmore girls [that's right. i love it], logan is talking to rory and his mannerisms sent my stomach jumping. the faces he was making, and the way he was moving his head - just everything - made me think of someone else.

one of those days...

school starts tomorrow. well, technically today was the first day of classes, but i don't have class on thursdays. but whatever. that's not what this is about. do you ever think about what you're doing with your life right now and compare it to what you thought you'd be doing with your life at this point? i don't really know what i thought i'd be doing at 24. i was never good at imagining myself in the future. but now that i'm here and things are the way they are, this isn't where i want to be. i can't wait to finish school and start my life. why didn't i do it the first time?

song of the day:

well she wants to live her life
then she thinks about her life
pulls her hair back as she screams
i dont really wanna live this life

-train

some pictures?

so this was friday night at cheers. i finally got the pictures. these are some of them.

so despite the look on my face in picture 1, this was taken at the very beginning of the night. there was not that much beer consumed at this point in the evening. i was laughing. it was unexpected. see number 2. its much better when i know it's coming. lets talk about her shirt... i did the drawing. do you love it? anyway, apparently, the guitar player doesn't like it when she wears her, "i'm with the drummer" tshirt. so she wanted one for him. she couldn't find one, so i used my illustrator skills and drew her one up. i guess he loved it. i included a picture of the guitar player in question. he loved the shirt, she loves him. but that's a whole different topic. and then the co-worker! it was so funny how we came to realize our mutual love of local 80's cover bands... and the girls love the beer. one more than the other apparently...which is classy... and then we have a nice little shot of some of the band. no flash is the way to take pictures. i'm pretty surprised it turned out actually. and finally, a gratuitous sparkle guitar shot...couldn't be helped.

creepy.

so back on august 27 i wrote about a weird, seemingly accurate horoscope i read. and like i said then, i really don't take horoscopes to heart. i really don't. but in the case of this one, i think that i didn't follow its advice and things are going to end up like it said they would. i can pretty much put my finger on the exact thing i did that was me not doing what it suggested i do. and so here i am. the funniest thing is, it would have been so easy. it wasn't like, you will travel to exotic places. it was really small.

consoling me at this moment? anderson coopers tie really brings out his eyes. i've stopped listening to the annoying what do americans think because it's voting time babbling. trying to analyze what americans are thinking is stupid and useless. all these polls are split like 47%/53%. you're not going to be able to figure out what way it's going to go. the only poll that isn't split down the middle is, are americans happy with the way things are going. 10% are happy, 90% aren't. but you know what? they weren't happy the last time there was an election and ended up with bush again. so i'd say just let it go and wait to see what happens. lets just focus on anderson's eyes....

what would make you head-butt someone?

the zidane head-butt on materazzi that rocked the world cup was all over the news for a while after it happened. they had to go to fifa hearings and pay fines, but neither of them ever told exactly what was said. there was all kinds of speculation. it was reported that materazzi said everything from insulting zidane's mother/sister, to accusing him of being a terrorist. professional lip readers were brought in and the men were asked repeatedly. and now, just when you thought you'd just have to go through life not knowing what was said, it has come out. materazzi finally tells us what he said. apparently, while pulling on zidane's shirt, zidane said something like, 'if you want my shirt so bad i'll give it to you afterwards'. and materazzi said, 'i'd prefer your sister'. now, i don't have a sister, so i can't really say what i'd do in the same situation, but i'm assuming i woudln't head-butt someone. i've had people make comments like that about my brother and i've never hit anyone for it. and especially in a situation like that, you know it's not a serious thing. he's obviously just trying to get you worked up. zidane has been playing the game long enough to know that. but whatever. now we know what was said. we can all finally sleep soundly.

calm now

ok. so i took a shower, relaxed and now i'm good. we can return to our regularly scheduled blogging.

first i want to start off by saying, i was very sad to hear about steve irwin. i love the crocodile hunter. people try to look for the positive thing in a tragedy like this and i guess you can say at least he died doing what he loved. not that there is really anything positive about it at all. the attention it is getting is crazy. the prime minister of australia said some really great things about him. when you see all kinds of media attention for someone who has died, like an entire country is heartbroken, do you ever think about who will be heartbroken when it's you? kind of a depressing line of thinking. but i can't help it. either way, steve irwin dying is awful. he was great.

on a little bit of a happier note, i had a totally fun filled weekend. friday night at cheers was awesome. i ran into a girl i used to work with so that was super fun. we bonded over our love of shameless when we worked together. we were fast friends. as it turned out, i didn't get a sparklecaster. its ok. i'll wait. but i did get a picture of it! look how beautiful it is! too bad i'd had a few too many even by that point and i'm holding it all weird. and what's with the camera all on an angle? someone is going to lose their photographer privlidges. whatever. got the pic, had the fun, it was a successful night. i missed one person on my way out the door though, which kinda sucked. there are more pictures...i just don't have them yet. i may or may not get to post them here.

saturday night was birthday dinner/beers. it was fun at dinner, and the early part of the beers but i didn't last long due to the shenanigans the night before. but they went out full force and i think the birthday girl ended up having a decent night.

the lower deck last night was fantastic. i don't think that i've ever had so much fun at the deck. as it turned out, it was greg's last night with signal hill. he said he's being replaced right away. it won't be the same without him. i don't like change. and it seems there is a lot of it going around. anyway, the deck kicks ass. i can't wait until next summer for more patio parties. here are some pictures.

cory tetford was playing with what i'm assuming was wreckhouse because it was a 3-piece paul lamb band, but the regular drummer wasn't there and the bass player wasn't there. cory tetford is so hot. he stood there and waited for me to take this picture. i wish it was closer and framed better. i wish i could sing like him. but no body plays guitar like paul lamb.

two happy little beer drinkers. this was night 3 in a row for these girls. that's some dedication. but that's what happens when the first day of school is barreling down on you like a freight train at top speed and you just can't seem to get out of the way in time and you know its going to hit you and be all over.

and i'm surprised that the singer lets me get this close to him after the ass slapping incident of last summer...yikes...





sexy!








too bad this didn't turn out so well. it makes me laugh that i took this picture. because i don't really know the guy. just from going to the lower deck so damn much. i need to get out to the red stag. maybe for food sometime. who's in?

things never really change

i had a bunch of great stuff i wanted to write about, and fun pictures to post, but i'm just not in the mood. why does he have to be such an ass hole? why is it that as soon as i walk in the door after 12 hours at work, the first words he says are barking orders? i just got home! it's not my fault! it's so great being the disapointment. why is he different with everyone else but i still get the same treatment? i don't even want to think about it. it pisses me off. it's so stupid and petty.

woo!!

oh man its 3am and i had so much fun!! what a great last night in a bar!! i love signal hill. i can't believe greg is leaving. it just won't be the same without him! there will be pictures. stay tuned....

argh!

i just want to go to work now! why wait until 2 and then have to stay until 7! that's ridiculous. and this needs to get done! harold and kumar is not a priority. i wouldn't mind staying until 7 if we went in earlier and we were really getting a lot done. but having to stay until 7 because other people are lazy and don't want to go right now is annoying. and i can't even just go. i can't get into the building. i have no keys. and i don't know what i can do alone anyway. and 5 hours isn't even that much time. we didn't get very much done yesterday in just 5 hours. ugh. frustrated.

and people want to go out again tonight! i can't do it! i can't afford it at all. but its the lower deck and it's always a good time. signal hill is playing and it's a patio party so that's awesome. and it'll be my last night in a bar for a while. so i'd be happy if it was the deck. we'll see i guess.

i'm really excited to have all week off. well, until friday. i'm probably gonna head over to school before classes start though so i can pick up some books and my bus pass [woo hoo bus pass!!!]. and probably drop into work to see some people who i miss a lot [sally].

the tops of my fingers are peeling. thats gross. it's because i haven't played my guitar in a while and the toughness is peeling off. so what that means is that i need to pick it back up. i love my guitar, but i want a new one really bad. i don't see me being able to get one for quite some time though. if i ever have an extra $1000 kicking around, there are plenty of other things that i need to use it for, before things i don't need. like a guitar. oh well. at least i have the one i have, right? right.

enough of this babbling. i need food.

it's 2am i'm drunk again

it's not really 2am. it's more like 12:45am. and i'm not really drunk. i was drunk. but now i'm just tired. we went for dinner and then to the pogue. it was pretty good at the pogue. i like it there. ten mile house was playing. i totally would have stayed there but girlie 1 and girlie 2 wanted "hot boys" and apparently there were none at the pogue. they wanted to leave and go anywhere else. girlie 1 tried to convince everyone that cheers had hot boys, guaranteed [there is definitely one hot boy at cheers. but thats all i can guarantee]. no one was interested in going to cheers, which was definitely for the best. i wasn't into going anywhere else. they decided on peddlers. i decided on a cab home. so now here i am. i never want to drink again.

the end.

current mood: sad.

song of the moment:

now this angry little girl,
drowning in this petty world,
and i'm,
who you run to.
swallow all your bitter pills,
that's what makes you beautiful.
you're all or not,
i don't need what you ain't got.
and i'm torn in pieces,
i'm blind and waiting for,
my heart is reeling,
i'm blind and waiting for you.

-goo goo dolls

i'd probably pass out...

so i was just reading some headlines on cnn.com and there is a story about a bartender at an applebees in kansas who got a $10 000 tip from some customer. apparently he was a regular and always tipped well. like, $15 on a $30 tab. that's a REALLY good tip. then out of the blue he leaves this chick $10 000! what would you do if someone just gave you $10 000? the restaurant is going through the process of making sure it's real. the man said that it was for real. so at this point, i'd like to just say, lower deck, i love you, but i am never going to leave you $10 000.

p.s. HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!