so here i am. 25. feels a lot like 24 right now. and 23, 22 and 21 for that matter. i never really feel like i'm getting older, but when i hear myself say my age out loud i think, what? really? no. but yup. 25.
i may not smile
as you turn and walk away
my heart just falls
on every word you say
i will not fight
cause you will not listen
i have goals for this year. the first one is stop putting so much faith in other people. yup. that's right. i trust and assume way too much and all i get is hurt. so now, you get nothing until you prove yourself worthy. some people are even being removed from my trusted list. it needs to be done.
and thought i never
led my troops to war
and though i never
learned what my life was for
and all i ever got was nothing
cause you always said one day
you always said soon i'll do it
you always said now but waited
now you've waited to long
waited to long
turning 25 feels like a new beginning. i don't know why. but it seems like a milestone of sorts. it's a clean slate. time to start doing what i want. what makes me happy. not waiting for other people to make me happy. because that's just not going to happen.
i thought you were right
cause i knew i was wrong
well you can cry if you want
cry if you want
i will hang in myself
myself
so here's to happy twenty-five. may i find what i'm looking for and become the person i want to be.
Monday, January 29, 2007
Sunday, January 28, 2007
quarter century birthday celebrations
so last night was the ale house. it was strange because i had like 4 different goups of friends, and they were all spread out all over the bar. so because none of them mingled, it was up to me to make the rounds and not just hang out with one specific group. which was annoying.
and then, all my friends who i hang out with on a daily basis left by midnight. so then there was my design school friend and the people she brought, and my work friends and the people they brought. which was cool, but again, i'm neglecting someone. i started mostly hanging out with my work friends, which was hilarious. they are too funny. of the 2 of them that i knew from work, one is engaged and the other is single. so the single one and i decided it was going to be man hunt '07. but she hooked up pretty quickly. and i did not. hahaha so that was the end of man hunt '07. haha oh well. do i want to pick up a guy at the ale house? not really.
anyway, it was a pretty fun night in the end. i saw a few people that i don't normally see. now i have dinner with my family on monday, which is my real birthday. so that will be good times.
now i need to do homework. that's the worst part of going out. the hangover that makes you want to sleep, but the mountains of work that still need to be done. damn.
p.s. why would someone become a ta just to meet chicks? that's as bad as guys who become frosh leaders just to meet girls. pretty pathetic. but i could be persuaded to play along. if it came up. and it helps when they smell so good. we'll see.
and then, all my friends who i hang out with on a daily basis left by midnight. so then there was my design school friend and the people she brought, and my work friends and the people they brought. which was cool, but again, i'm neglecting someone. i started mostly hanging out with my work friends, which was hilarious. they are too funny. of the 2 of them that i knew from work, one is engaged and the other is single. so the single one and i decided it was going to be man hunt '07. but she hooked up pretty quickly. and i did not. hahaha so that was the end of man hunt '07. haha oh well. do i want to pick up a guy at the ale house? not really.
anyway, it was a pretty fun night in the end. i saw a few people that i don't normally see. now i have dinner with my family on monday, which is my real birthday. so that will be good times.
now i need to do homework. that's the worst part of going out. the hangover that makes you want to sleep, but the mountains of work that still need to be done. damn.
p.s. why would someone become a ta just to meet chicks? that's as bad as guys who become frosh leaders just to meet girls. pretty pathetic. but i could be persuaded to play along. if it came up. and it helps when they smell so good. we'll see.
Friday, January 26, 2007
arguments, screaming, puppies and family
i'm not ready for this.
it's only been 3 weeks.
i'm not ready for a family-wide fight about new puppies. seriously, we just lost our dog. mom was pissed, bro#1 was pro-dog, bro#2 was arguing against everyone, and dad is pro-dog. i just stood there listening.
here's the worst thing. my dad works with this guy who breeds shepards. and he had this dog who he sold to a family. apparently there was an incident and the dog got aggressive with a young teen girl, but didn't actually hurt her. the family didn't like it so they gave the dog back to the breeder. they felt really bad but didn't want an aggressive dog. anyway, this dog as been back with the breeder family for 2 weeks now and the guy says that he hasn't seen anything wrong with him. he hasn't been aggressive at all towards anyone in his family or anyone who has come into the house or other animals. but since there was this complaint against the dog, they have to take it for a behavioral assessment. if the dog passes, then the guy needs to find a new home for it [potentially us]. if the dog fails the assessment, it gets put down. what? yeah. my dad said that and i was almost back in tears. it's only a year old!! but the breeder guy says that's how it goes. you can't have dogs being aggressive because it looks bad on you as a breeder.
so i am on the fence about a new dog. personally, i'm not ready. really. it's too soon. but i don't want this dog to get put down! now i want it. i feel so bad for him. dad was like, we won't know anything till next week when we know how this assessment goes. then we'll decide if we want him or not.
i wish my dad hadn't even told us about this till after the dog passed the assessment.
it's only been 3 weeks.
i'm not ready for a family-wide fight about new puppies. seriously, we just lost our dog. mom was pissed, bro#1 was pro-dog, bro#2 was arguing against everyone, and dad is pro-dog. i just stood there listening.
here's the worst thing. my dad works with this guy who breeds shepards. and he had this dog who he sold to a family. apparently there was an incident and the dog got aggressive with a young teen girl, but didn't actually hurt her. the family didn't like it so they gave the dog back to the breeder. they felt really bad but didn't want an aggressive dog. anyway, this dog as been back with the breeder family for 2 weeks now and the guy says that he hasn't seen anything wrong with him. he hasn't been aggressive at all towards anyone in his family or anyone who has come into the house or other animals. but since there was this complaint against the dog, they have to take it for a behavioral assessment. if the dog passes, then the guy needs to find a new home for it [potentially us]. if the dog fails the assessment, it gets put down. what? yeah. my dad said that and i was almost back in tears. it's only a year old!! but the breeder guy says that's how it goes. you can't have dogs being aggressive because it looks bad on you as a breeder.
so i am on the fence about a new dog. personally, i'm not ready. really. it's too soon. but i don't want this dog to get put down! now i want it. i feel so bad for him. dad was like, we won't know anything till next week when we know how this assessment goes. then we'll decide if we want him or not.
i wish my dad hadn't even told us about this till after the dog passed the assessment.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
anonymous e-mails are upsetting
it was sent on saturday but i didn't get it until today. i don't check that address very often.
if it was sent by someone random just to be mean, that's one thing. someone who doesn't even know me and is just being a jerk, well i can deal with that.
even though, the circumstances are very strange for it to be someone random.
so, if it was sent by someone who does know me and understands, then fuck you.
fuck you and your cowardice. sign your name next time.
actually, there won't be a next time. because once you see this, you'll know i got the e-mail and you won't bother coming back. ever.
why does this always happen to me? i don't get it. jesus. i'm tired of feeling like shit! this made me feel like shit and that is the very last thing i need right now. the very last. because i'm already feeling pretty fucking shitty. so thanks to you flash.
random or not, it ruined my day.
if it was sent by someone random just to be mean, that's one thing. someone who doesn't even know me and is just being a jerk, well i can deal with that.
even though, the circumstances are very strange for it to be someone random.
so, if it was sent by someone who does know me and understands, then fuck you.
fuck you and your cowardice. sign your name next time.
actually, there won't be a next time. because once you see this, you'll know i got the e-mail and you won't bother coming back. ever.
why does this always happen to me? i don't get it. jesus. i'm tired of feeling like shit! this made me feel like shit and that is the very last thing i need right now. the very last. because i'm already feeling pretty fucking shitty. so thanks to you flash.
random or not, it ruined my day.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
100 random questions [sorry, i'm bored]
1. EVER BEEN GIVEN AN ENGAGEMENT RING? nope
2. LONGEST FRIENDSHIP? probably faith? i've known people longer, but i'm still friends with her.
3. LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED? late christmas gift from my aunt. it was a vest.
4. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU DROPPED YOUR CELL? i've never dropped my new one. that's how i broke my last one.
5. WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU WORKED OUT? haha september?
6. THING YOU SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON? threadless t-shirts.
7. LAST FOOD YOU ATE? tacos
8. FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX? eyes
9. ONE FAVORITE SONG? side of the road by blue rodeo
10. WHERE DO YOU LIVE? nova scotia
11. HIGH SCHOOL YOU ATTENDED: chdhs
12. CELL PHONE SERVICE PROVIDER: telus
13. FAVORITE MALL STORE: ummm... i don't think i have one...
14. LONGEST JOB EVER HAD: my 5 year birthday at my science job is in a month. i was a lifeguard for 6 years but working at different places.
15. DO YOU OWN A PAIR OF DICE?: yeah
16. DO YOU PRANK CALL PEOPLE?: no
17. LAST WEDDING ATTENDED? anna's
18. FIRST FRIEND YOU'D CALL IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY?: i have no idea
19. LAST TIME YOU ATTENDED CHURCH: anna's wedding
21. BIGGEST LIE YOU HAVE HEARD?: ha! there have been so many....
23. WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO EAT WITH FRIENDS? ah as long as my friends are there i'm not picky.
24. CAN YOU COOK? not really.
25. WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU DRIVE?: accent that i share with my bros
26. BEST KISSER?: i don't kiss and tell
27. LAST TIME YOU CRIED?: saturday when i was asked about a sad topic
28. MOST DISLIKED FOOD: sheppards pie
29. THING YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF?: sometimes i'm funny
30. THING YOU DISLIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF: procrastinate like a champ
32. LONGEST SHIFT YOU HAVE WORKED AT A JOB? 12 hours
33. FAVOURITE MOVIE? : casablanca or cool hand luke
34. CAN YOU SING?: not even a little bit.
35. LAST CONCERT?: last real concert was....U2. but i see bands in bars all the time.
36. LAST KISS?: i'll never tell
37. LAST MOVIE RENTED?: i don't really rent movies
38. THING YOU NEVER LEAVE HOME WITHOUT?: phone and ipod
39. FAVORITE VACATION SPOT? : i've never really been anywhere.
40. DO YOU LIKE CHINESE FOOD? : loves it
42. IS YOUR ROOM CLEAN? : not. at. all.
43. LAPTOP OR DESKTOP COMPUTER?: laptop
44. FAVORITE COMEDIAN?: ron sparks
45. DO YOU SMOKE?: nope
46. SLEEP WITH OR WITHOUT CLOTHES? : with
47. WHO SLEEPS WITH YOU EVERY NIGHT? : soft ben
48. LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS WORK?: i've never been in one.
49. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN PULLED OVER BY THE POLICE? 1. and i knew him.
50. PANCAKES OR FRENCH TOAST?: pancakes
51. DO YOU LIKE COFFEE?: i lurve it.
52. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?: scrambled
53. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY?: nope
54. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?: michelle
55. LAST PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALL LIST?: my mom
56. WHAT WAS THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECIEVED?: melanie
57. MCDONALDS OR BURGER KING?: mcdonalds
58. NUMBER OF PILLOWS?: 1
59. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?: awesome threadless t-shirt and jeans
60. PICK A LYRIC, ANY LYRIC OR SONG?: ya know that women never really faint and villans always blink their eyes and that ya know children are the only ones who blush and that life is just to die
61. WHAT KIND OF JELLY DO YOU LIKE ON YOUR PB & J SANDWICH? strawberry
62. CAN YOU PLAY POOL?: haha not really. but its fun to try.
63. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO SWIM?: yes. kind of the first step of being a lifeguard.
64. FAVORITE ICE CREAM?: peppermint chocolate chip
65. DO YOU LIKE MAPS?: i guess they can come in handy
66. TELL ME A RANDOM FACT ABOUT YOURSELF?: i am an awesome balloon animal maker.
68. EVER ATTEND A THEME PARTY?: yup
69. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? summer
70. LAST TIME YOU LAUGHED AT SOMETHING STUPID? yesterday. i got a wet willie. thanks.
71. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP THIS MORNING?: 7:00
72. BEST THING ABOUT WINTER? : it ends.
73. LAST TIME A COP GAVE YOU A TICKET?: never
75. NAME OF YOUR FIRST PET?: butch
76. DO YOU THINK PIRATES ARE COOL OR OVERRATED?: pirates are awesome
77. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND?: celebrating my 25th bday!!
79. WHAT IS THE THIRD LETTER OF YOUR NAME?: e
80. HOW OLD ARE YOUR PETS?: i don't have any pets. sad.
81. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BACKPACK?: blue
82. ARE YOU SICK?: nope
84. IS THE BATHROOM OPEN?: yes?
87. ARE YOU SMILING?: right now, no. but i tend to smile quite often.
88. DO YOU HAVE ON EYELINER?: nope.
89. DO YOU MISS SOMEONE RIGHT NOW? : yes.
90. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD WHERE WOULD YOU GO?: anywhere that isn't here.
91. DO YOU HAVE A MYSPACE? DO YOU HAVE A LIVE JOURNAL? myspace
92. DO YOU WATCH AMERICAN IDOL? : no
93. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?: of course
94. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NICKNAME FOR YOURSELf?: i don't really have one
95. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHING SUIT?: i have a thousand bathing suits. mostly black. but in other colours too.
97. DID YOU GO ON VACATION LAST MONTH?: nope
98. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A CRUISE?: nope
99. DO YOU HAVE A SISTER?: nope
100. ARE YOU UPSTAIRS?: yes.
2. LONGEST FRIENDSHIP? probably faith? i've known people longer, but i'm still friends with her.
3. LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED? late christmas gift from my aunt. it was a vest.
4. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU DROPPED YOUR CELL? i've never dropped my new one. that's how i broke my last one.
5. WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU WORKED OUT? haha september?
6. THING YOU SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON? threadless t-shirts.
7. LAST FOOD YOU ATE? tacos
8. FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX? eyes
9. ONE FAVORITE SONG? side of the road by blue rodeo
10. WHERE DO YOU LIVE? nova scotia
11. HIGH SCHOOL YOU ATTENDED: chdhs
12. CELL PHONE SERVICE PROVIDER: telus
13. FAVORITE MALL STORE: ummm... i don't think i have one...
14. LONGEST JOB EVER HAD: my 5 year birthday at my science job is in a month. i was a lifeguard for 6 years but working at different places.
15. DO YOU OWN A PAIR OF DICE?: yeah
16. DO YOU PRANK CALL PEOPLE?: no
17. LAST WEDDING ATTENDED? anna's
18. FIRST FRIEND YOU'D CALL IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY?: i have no idea
19. LAST TIME YOU ATTENDED CHURCH: anna's wedding
21. BIGGEST LIE YOU HAVE HEARD?: ha! there have been so many....
23. WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO EAT WITH FRIENDS? ah as long as my friends are there i'm not picky.
24. CAN YOU COOK? not really.
25. WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU DRIVE?: accent that i share with my bros
26. BEST KISSER?: i don't kiss and tell
27. LAST TIME YOU CRIED?: saturday when i was asked about a sad topic
28. MOST DISLIKED FOOD: sheppards pie
29. THING YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF?: sometimes i'm funny
30. THING YOU DISLIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF: procrastinate like a champ
32. LONGEST SHIFT YOU HAVE WORKED AT A JOB? 12 hours
33. FAVOURITE MOVIE? : casablanca or cool hand luke
34. CAN YOU SING?: not even a little bit.
35. LAST CONCERT?: last real concert was....U2. but i see bands in bars all the time.
36. LAST KISS?: i'll never tell
37. LAST MOVIE RENTED?: i don't really rent movies
38. THING YOU NEVER LEAVE HOME WITHOUT?: phone and ipod
39. FAVORITE VACATION SPOT? : i've never really been anywhere.
40. DO YOU LIKE CHINESE FOOD? : loves it
42. IS YOUR ROOM CLEAN? : not. at. all.
43. LAPTOP OR DESKTOP COMPUTER?: laptop
44. FAVORITE COMEDIAN?: ron sparks
45. DO YOU SMOKE?: nope
46. SLEEP WITH OR WITHOUT CLOTHES? : with
47. WHO SLEEPS WITH YOU EVERY NIGHT? : soft ben
48. LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS WORK?: i've never been in one.
49. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN PULLED OVER BY THE POLICE? 1. and i knew him.
50. PANCAKES OR FRENCH TOAST?: pancakes
51. DO YOU LIKE COFFEE?: i lurve it.
52. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?: scrambled
53. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY?: nope
54. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?: michelle
55. LAST PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALL LIST?: my mom
56. WHAT WAS THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECIEVED?: melanie
57. MCDONALDS OR BURGER KING?: mcdonalds
58. NUMBER OF PILLOWS?: 1
59. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?: awesome threadless t-shirt and jeans
60. PICK A LYRIC, ANY LYRIC OR SONG?: ya know that women never really faint and villans always blink their eyes and that ya know children are the only ones who blush and that life is just to die
61. WHAT KIND OF JELLY DO YOU LIKE ON YOUR PB & J SANDWICH? strawberry
62. CAN YOU PLAY POOL?: haha not really. but its fun to try.
63. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO SWIM?: yes. kind of the first step of being a lifeguard.
64. FAVORITE ICE CREAM?: peppermint chocolate chip
65. DO YOU LIKE MAPS?: i guess they can come in handy
66. TELL ME A RANDOM FACT ABOUT YOURSELF?: i am an awesome balloon animal maker.
68. EVER ATTEND A THEME PARTY?: yup
69. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? summer
70. LAST TIME YOU LAUGHED AT SOMETHING STUPID? yesterday. i got a wet willie. thanks.
71. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP THIS MORNING?: 7:00
72. BEST THING ABOUT WINTER? : it ends.
73. LAST TIME A COP GAVE YOU A TICKET?: never
75. NAME OF YOUR FIRST PET?: butch
76. DO YOU THINK PIRATES ARE COOL OR OVERRATED?: pirates are awesome
77. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND?: celebrating my 25th bday!!
79. WHAT IS THE THIRD LETTER OF YOUR NAME?: e
80. HOW OLD ARE YOUR PETS?: i don't have any pets. sad.
81. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BACKPACK?: blue
82. ARE YOU SICK?: nope
84. IS THE BATHROOM OPEN?: yes?
87. ARE YOU SMILING?: right now, no. but i tend to smile quite often.
88. DO YOU HAVE ON EYELINER?: nope.
89. DO YOU MISS SOMEONE RIGHT NOW? : yes.
90. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD WHERE WOULD YOU GO?: anywhere that isn't here.
91. DO YOU HAVE A MYSPACE? DO YOU HAVE A LIVE JOURNAL? myspace
92. DO YOU WATCH AMERICAN IDOL? : no
93. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?: of course
94. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NICKNAME FOR YOURSELf?: i don't really have one
95. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHING SUIT?: i have a thousand bathing suits. mostly black. but in other colours too.
97. DID YOU GO ON VACATION LAST MONTH?: nope
98. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A CRUISE?: nope
99. DO YOU HAVE A SISTER?: nope
100. ARE YOU UPSTAIRS?: yes.
Monday, January 22, 2007
oh ron sparks you crack me up
hahaha i have ron sparks as a "friend" on myspace. he's really good at commenting back which is hilarious. i invited him out for beers on my birthday. but he can't make it. halifax is just too far. hahaha how hilarious would it have been if ron sparks had showed up for beer on my birthday! oh i would have lost it.
and i would have been the coolest girl in school. you know it.
and i would have been the coolest girl in school. you know it.
where is my prince charming?
there is a ball at school this weekend.
a ball.
haha i know that just means a formal dance/gathering, but they're calling it a ball and i want to be cinderella.
i know there is a ball because i invited someone to good times at the ale house on saturday night and was told that he would be attending the charity ball on saturday night so he couldn't come party it up with me. which is fine. casual acquaintence. him not being there won't make or break my night. i was just being friendly.
anyway.
the point is, i want to go to a ball. i want to wear the dress and look spectacular and have a great guy with me and dance all night. how fun!
it won't happen this weekend. but i'd even take a great guy at the ale house. or at dinner. i'll still try to look spectacular. but there are no guarantees. heh.
a ball.
haha i know that just means a formal dance/gathering, but they're calling it a ball and i want to be cinderella.
i know there is a ball because i invited someone to good times at the ale house on saturday night and was told that he would be attending the charity ball on saturday night so he couldn't come party it up with me. which is fine. casual acquaintence. him not being there won't make or break my night. i was just being friendly.
anyway.
the point is, i want to go to a ball. i want to wear the dress and look spectacular and have a great guy with me and dance all night. how fun!
it won't happen this weekend. but i'd even take a great guy at the ale house. or at dinner. i'll still try to look spectacular. but there are no guarantees. heh.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
why can't i just write the paper? because birthday planning is more fun.
i have a 750 word paper due tomorrow. and i haven't even started it yet. and i know that 750 words isn't even that much and i could probably write it in 2 hours if i would just do it. that's what's annoying me the most. that i won't just write the frigging paper.
i also have a formal lab report to write for tuesday. bah. it's really long but i don't think it will be that hard to write up. it has graphs and stuff i'll need to do. that's kind of annoying.
i'm such a slacker.
so it was my dad's birthday yesterday. my bros, my mom and i have been frantic trying to come up with stuff to get him. he's impossible to buy for and says he doesn't want anything. but you can't not give him anything. can you? i dunno. anyway, we got him a few things and he didn't like any of it! my mom took everything back today. except for the tim horton's money, which he also knocked by saying, i make my coffee every morning and take it with me. WELL NOW YOU DON'T HAVE TO!! geeze. so frustrating.
speaking of birthdays....mine is in a week. 25. wow. it's strange to think about. 25. i don't feel like i should be 25. i'm not where i thought i'd be at 25. but oh well. whatever. i'm not going to dwell on it. i made some plans for saturday night. dinner and then to a bar for some drinks. and no, i'm not going to the lower deck. surprised? yeah i kinda am too. shameless will be there but i'm not interested in sitting at a table and focusing on a band on my birthday. even though i had a blast last year. and i want to see the new shameless really bad. this year i think i'm gonna hit the ale house. i usually have a good time there. and i usually run into people i know. so that could be cool. hopefully everyone shows up. i invited my girls from work. they're hilarious. if they come, it will be a good night.
ok. paper time. for real.
i also have a formal lab report to write for tuesday. bah. it's really long but i don't think it will be that hard to write up. it has graphs and stuff i'll need to do. that's kind of annoying.
i'm such a slacker.
so it was my dad's birthday yesterday. my bros, my mom and i have been frantic trying to come up with stuff to get him. he's impossible to buy for and says he doesn't want anything. but you can't not give him anything. can you? i dunno. anyway, we got him a few things and he didn't like any of it! my mom took everything back today. except for the tim horton's money, which he also knocked by saying, i make my coffee every morning and take it with me. WELL NOW YOU DON'T HAVE TO!! geeze. so frustrating.
speaking of birthdays....mine is in a week. 25. wow. it's strange to think about. 25. i don't feel like i should be 25. i'm not where i thought i'd be at 25. but oh well. whatever. i'm not going to dwell on it. i made some plans for saturday night. dinner and then to a bar for some drinks. and no, i'm not going to the lower deck. surprised? yeah i kinda am too. shameless will be there but i'm not interested in sitting at a table and focusing on a band on my birthday. even though i had a blast last year. and i want to see the new shameless really bad. this year i think i'm gonna hit the ale house. i usually have a good time there. and i usually run into people i know. so that could be cool. hopefully everyone shows up. i invited my girls from work. they're hilarious. if they come, it will be a good night.
ok. paper time. for real.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
and procrastinating some more...
saturday night at the lower deck.
i need to get my own camera because there were some random pictures that i'd post here with a story if i had them. but i don't. they got deleted.
anyway, here are two pics - us girls, and me with the happy couple [notice my awesome threadless tshirt].
i need to get my own camera because there were some random pictures that i'd post here with a story if i had them. but i don't. they got deleted.
anyway, here are two pics - us girls, and me with the happy couple [notice my awesome threadless tshirt].
some things are more important than ecology
i got sucked into facebook. damn. what a waste of time that is. i'm addicted to looking up people i haven't seen in forever. and joining groups like, if i were an enzyme i'd be dna helicase so i could unzip your genes [ahh hahahahahaha! it's funny because dna helicase is the enzyme that unwinds the double strand of dna in preperation for dna replication! hahaha! ...no? just me? oh.].
and i need to get my head into this ecology class. it's killing me. i'm not interested so i'm not doing the work i need to be doing. there is a lot of annoying stats calculations that need to be done. and i could care less about the material. my lab today was measuring the length and weight of plants grown in different numbers in pots. blah. i am not going to be an ecologist.
now cell biology. there is something i spend my time reading.
p.s. less than 2 weeks till my birthday!
and i need to get my head into this ecology class. it's killing me. i'm not interested so i'm not doing the work i need to be doing. there is a lot of annoying stats calculations that need to be done. and i could care less about the material. my lab today was measuring the length and weight of plants grown in different numbers in pots. blah. i am not going to be an ecologist.
now cell biology. there is something i spend my time reading.
p.s. less than 2 weeks till my birthday!
Sunday, January 14, 2007
so sleepy but happy at last. or at least for now.
that was exactly what i needed. a crazy fun night at the lower deck. just to get a break from all the feeling badness.
Friday, January 12, 2007
and the tears come streaming down your face when you lose something you can't replace
it's been a week. but it feels like it's been a hundred years. and i'm still crying.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
sometimes you just need a little lower deck
so i said i wasn't going to post about my dog anymore. so i'm not going to say anything about how i still feel like shit because every time i come around the corner at the bottom of the stairs i expect to see her lying there, because never get met at the door anymore, because when i'm sitting in my room on my bed she doesn't come in and lie down, and because when i'm home alone, the house is actually empty.
this post is about happy things.
like the lower deck on saturday. it's going to be a marathon evening. supper and matinee and then straight through till the end. should be good times. there will be a core duo there the whole evening with special guest appearances for the supper portion, and then for the later portion. i'm looking forward to it. i need something to get my mind off things. it's not my usual band, but these guys have never disapointed in the past. so we'll see.
this post is about happy things.
like the lower deck on saturday. it's going to be a marathon evening. supper and matinee and then straight through till the end. should be good times. there will be a core duo there the whole evening with special guest appearances for the supper portion, and then for the later portion. i'm looking forward to it. i need something to get my mind off things. it's not my usual band, but these guys have never disapointed in the past. so we'll see.
Monday, January 08, 2007
being sad is bad enough
i'm so pissed at my mom. my brother and i got a drive home from school with her today. all she did was rip up shay for being this horrible dog the whole way home. her and my brother argued about getting a new dog. mom used the example of how awful shay was to argue her point for not wanting a new dog.
i cried the whole way home.
she was not an awful dog at all. my mother is just being a bitch. yeah shay chewed stuff when she was a puppy, but dogs do that. she totally grew out of it. she hasn't chewed anything in years. we could leave her alone in the house and she didn't pee on the floor, or eat people shoes, or chew on the chair legs or eat the plants. i think she was pretty frigging great. her only problem was she wasn't very social. which was a pain when people came over. but we dealt with it. all mom ever did was bad mouth her. her whole life. and she's still doing it. and then mom got annoyed with me because i didn't agree with with she was saying. and asked me why i was crying and told me to stop. cuz she was just a dog.
just a dog? that dog was my best friend.
i think i'm going to stop writing until i have something else to talk about other than this.
i cried the whole way home.
she was not an awful dog at all. my mother is just being a bitch. yeah shay chewed stuff when she was a puppy, but dogs do that. she totally grew out of it. she hasn't chewed anything in years. we could leave her alone in the house and she didn't pee on the floor, or eat people shoes, or chew on the chair legs or eat the plants. i think she was pretty frigging great. her only problem was she wasn't very social. which was a pain when people came over. but we dealt with it. all mom ever did was bad mouth her. her whole life. and she's still doing it. and then mom got annoyed with me because i didn't agree with with she was saying. and asked me why i was crying and told me to stop. cuz she was just a dog.
just a dog? that dog was my best friend.
i think i'm going to stop writing until i have something else to talk about other than this.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
an odd empty feeling
i've never been so uncomfortable in my own house before.
since getting home from work yesterday evening, i haven't really left my room because i don't want to walk around my house and see everything that's different. i can't even look in the livingroom as i walk by because i know her pillow isn't there anymore. her blankets aren't at the bottom of the stairs and her dishes aren't by the back door so i haven't gone down stairs. even eating with my family at the table is awful because she's not lying in the kitchen doorway waiting for us to finish.
people keep asking me what happened but i still can't talk about it. my brother had the news on his msn name so people know it happened, they just don't know why.
i haven't been able to sleep much at all because every time i close my eyes, i re-live friday afternoon.
i don't know why i'm taking this so hard. you'd think i'd never lost a pet before. my last dog died when i was 18 and we'd had him since i was 3. that was pretty much the worst day of my whole life. thinking of that day can still make me tear up. i never wanted to feel that way again. and even when we got this dog, i stayed distant. for a long time. i didn't want to get attached. but in the end, she loved me almost as much as she loved my dad and way more than she loved my brothers or my mom.
i miss her so much.
since getting home from work yesterday evening, i haven't really left my room because i don't want to walk around my house and see everything that's different. i can't even look in the livingroom as i walk by because i know her pillow isn't there anymore. her blankets aren't at the bottom of the stairs and her dishes aren't by the back door so i haven't gone down stairs. even eating with my family at the table is awful because she's not lying in the kitchen doorway waiting for us to finish.
people keep asking me what happened but i still can't talk about it. my brother had the news on his msn name so people know it happened, they just don't know why.
i haven't been able to sleep much at all because every time i close my eyes, i re-live friday afternoon.
i don't know why i'm taking this so hard. you'd think i'd never lost a pet before. my last dog died when i was 18 and we'd had him since i was 3. that was pretty much the worst day of my whole life. thinking of that day can still make me tear up. i never wanted to feel that way again. and even when we got this dog, i stayed distant. for a long time. i didn't want to get attached. but in the end, she loved me almost as much as she loved my dad and way more than she loved my brothers or my mom.
i miss her so much.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
so what now?
i've never not wanted to go home after work before. i don't want to go home to my dog not meeting me at the door. i'm actually dreading it. right now i feel like i never want to go home again.
Friday, January 05, 2007
i don't even know what to say
i can't stop crying. my dad just took our dog to be put down. i don't know what to do. i just want someone to hold me so i can cry forever. i'm so angry.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
what!
so shameless' new bass player is the guy from rant?!
i loved rant! i was sad when they stopped coming around! i can't believe it!
ok. now i'm excited.
but i feel a little guilty about that...
maybe they'll be awful.
nooo not possible. they'll be good.
but it still won't be the same. i'll always prefer the other guys. who will i have to talk to on the break when i have a table? the people i came with? pfft...
i loved rant! i was sad when they stopped coming around! i can't believe it!
ok. now i'm excited.
but i feel a little guilty about that...
maybe they'll be awful.
nooo not possible. they'll be good.
but it still won't be the same. i'll always prefer the other guys. who will i have to talk to on the break when i have a table? the people i came with? pfft...
plants and civilization
update on this class.
it. is. awesome.
haha i think that it's really going to be fantastic. the prof seems super nice and very enthousiastic about the material.
the best part?
one of our assignments is a research project on a particular crop [mine is the pear] and we have to write about it as if we were writing for school aged children! with illustrations and stuff! ah! so exciting! yeah, this could be the best class ever. it's still early though. but it's definitely the leader at this point.
it. is. awesome.
haha i think that it's really going to be fantastic. the prof seems super nice and very enthousiastic about the material.
the best part?
one of our assignments is a research project on a particular crop [mine is the pear] and we have to write about it as if we were writing for school aged children! with illustrations and stuff! ah! so exciting! yeah, this could be the best class ever. it's still early though. but it's definitely the leader at this point.
oh school...
it feels like the whole christmas break never even happened. sitting in class, i feel like i never left. blah.
anyway, i've had 3 of my 4 classes so far today.
cell biology, although may kill me, will be damn interesting. it will be like genetics. i loved genetics, i just sucked at it. the prof gave us a list of about a thousand words and we're expected to know all of them and their definitions. dun dun dun....
and ecology? yeah, that's probably going to be the most awful, boring class ever. but we'll see how it goes i guess.
the philosophy class is pretty much the same as the ethics class from last term because it's the same prof. except she has a group project/presentation thing. balls. i hate group projects. the funniest thing about this class is my ta from one of my biology classes last term, the one who was in my ethics class, he's in this class with me again. it's funny because he made a huge deal about wanting to drop the class and i told him not to so we could be philosophy buddies. haha i know that he didn't actually stay in the class to be my philosophy buddy. it's just funny.
i really want to do well this term. i'm really going to try to stay on top of the readings and those stup - i mean lovely definitions for cell bio. he said that if you don't know anything but those definitions, you'll get a B in the class. so that's encouraging.
now i have one more bio class this afternoon. i still can't remember what it's called... ok, plants and civilization. this is what the descriptions says:
The course covers the botany, domestication, development,
distribution, production, processing, history and economic and
social impacts of plants which have become major world crops.
Topics include the cereals (corn, rice and wheat), flowers (tulips
and orchids), fruits (apple, blueberry, citrus, grape, olive, pineapple
and strawberry), vegetables (alliums, beets, legumes, lettuce,
potato and tomato) and industrial crops (cocoa, coffee, cotton,
hemp, rubber and sugar), and the development of novel
bioproducts (bio-fuels, etc) from plant sources. Course includes
field trips and laboratories.
yippie skippie... why did i sign up for this again? haha we'll see how it goes. it probably won't be that bad. it's cross listed as an environmental studies course so i don't think it will be that intense. i'm curious about the field trips though...
and you know what i just noticed? it lists tomato as a vegetable. i thought tomato was a fruit... it actually makes sense that the tomato is a fruit. a fleshy fruit. because it contains the seeds. so it's the ripened ovary of the tomato plant. beets, legumes, lettuce and potato are nothing like a tomato. hmm...curious...
anyway, i've had 3 of my 4 classes so far today.
cell biology, although may kill me, will be damn interesting. it will be like genetics. i loved genetics, i just sucked at it. the prof gave us a list of about a thousand words and we're expected to know all of them and their definitions. dun dun dun....
and ecology? yeah, that's probably going to be the most awful, boring class ever. but we'll see how it goes i guess.
the philosophy class is pretty much the same as the ethics class from last term because it's the same prof. except she has a group project/presentation thing. balls. i hate group projects. the funniest thing about this class is my ta from one of my biology classes last term, the one who was in my ethics class, he's in this class with me again. it's funny because he made a huge deal about wanting to drop the class and i told him not to so we could be philosophy buddies. haha i know that he didn't actually stay in the class to be my philosophy buddy. it's just funny.
i really want to do well this term. i'm really going to try to stay on top of the readings and those stup - i mean lovely definitions for cell bio. he said that if you don't know anything but those definitions, you'll get a B in the class. so that's encouraging.
now i have one more bio class this afternoon. i still can't remember what it's called... ok, plants and civilization. this is what the descriptions says:
The course covers the botany, domestication, development,
distribution, production, processing, history and economic and
social impacts of plants which have become major world crops.
Topics include the cereals (corn, rice and wheat), flowers (tulips
and orchids), fruits (apple, blueberry, citrus, grape, olive, pineapple
and strawberry), vegetables (alliums, beets, legumes, lettuce,
potato and tomato) and industrial crops (cocoa, coffee, cotton,
hemp, rubber and sugar), and the development of novel
bioproducts (bio-fuels, etc) from plant sources. Course includes
field trips and laboratories.
yippie skippie... why did i sign up for this again? haha we'll see how it goes. it probably won't be that bad. it's cross listed as an environmental studies course so i don't think it will be that intense. i'm curious about the field trips though...
and you know what i just noticed? it lists tomato as a vegetable. i thought tomato was a fruit... it actually makes sense that the tomato is a fruit. a fleshy fruit. because it contains the seeds. so it's the ripened ovary of the tomato plant. beets, legumes, lettuce and potato are nothing like a tomato. hmm...curious...
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
random babblings pt 2
so mark darcy dumped his fiance, quit his job, and flew back to london from new york for bridget. and she was never very nice to him. even when she told him she liked him, she was a little bit rude. except for that speech.
and his line? he forgot to kiss her goodbye...
anyway. enough of that.
i ordered another threadless tshirt
it's funny because i'm a biology student. i love it. it has the atomic number and mass of carbon on it! it's fantastic.
i also want this one
but i'm not so sure. i like what the little wishes are. but i'm not sure about it as a shirt.
and his line? he forgot to kiss her goodbye...
anyway. enough of that.
i ordered another threadless tshirt
it's funny because i'm a biology student. i love it. it has the atomic number and mass of carbon on it! it's fantastic.
i also want this one
but i'm not so sure. i like what the little wishes are. but i'm not sure about it as a shirt.
random babblings
first of all, school starts tomorrow. i am not ready for classes. christmas vacation was too much! i need a vacation to recover from my vacation. but i had a blast. seriously. lots of great people home for the holidays, lots of good nights out, lots of good food and good music and good times. i'm happy with the way it all went down.
i'm not happy about two people who i have no idea when i'll see again. one is back to newfoundland till possibly next christmas, and the other, well, who knows. maybe i'll run into him on the street some day. *wink*
anyway, about this school thing. i'm only taking 4 classes this term which is good, but 3 of them are biology classes. so this term could be the death of me. i'm not sure. i'm definitely not excited for cell biology. apparently it is the equaly as evil twin brother of genetics. and we all know how awesome that turned out... yikes. ecology will just be boring. which will make it hard to study. but all the marks are tied up in exams. which are not my forte. so we'll see how that goes. and then i have some random plant class..i don't even know what it's really about. plants and how humans use them and stuff i think. either way, the lab is described as including field trips. so that's strange. and what's my fourth class? oh it's another philosophy class. wicked. and the best part? its the same crazy prof from the ethics class last term. the only positive to this is that i got a B+ in that class. so this one should be similar. right?
all this talk of weddings is blowing my mind. i mean, it's happy. if someone wants to get married, it's a happy thing! and i'm happy they're happy. it just seems...strange that people i'm so close to are getting married. i've been to friends weddings before. but they've always been older than me. anyway, in this wedding, i get to be the flower girl, ring bearer, maid of honour, and witness. wow. that's some responsibility. haha! i can handle it. and then there will be the par-tay! it's this spring. keep your calendar open. you may get the call to be my date.
and in closing, i'd just like to say that i love video on trial. and ron sparks might be my newest celebrity crush.
i'm not happy about two people who i have no idea when i'll see again. one is back to newfoundland till possibly next christmas, and the other, well, who knows. maybe i'll run into him on the street some day. *wink*
anyway, about this school thing. i'm only taking 4 classes this term which is good, but 3 of them are biology classes. so this term could be the death of me. i'm not sure. i'm definitely not excited for cell biology. apparently it is the equaly as evil twin brother of genetics. and we all know how awesome that turned out... yikes. ecology will just be boring. which will make it hard to study. but all the marks are tied up in exams. which are not my forte. so we'll see how that goes. and then i have some random plant class..i don't even know what it's really about. plants and how humans use them and stuff i think. either way, the lab is described as including field trips. so that's strange. and what's my fourth class? oh it's another philosophy class. wicked. and the best part? its the same crazy prof from the ethics class last term. the only positive to this is that i got a B+ in that class. so this one should be similar. right?
all this talk of weddings is blowing my mind. i mean, it's happy. if someone wants to get married, it's a happy thing! and i'm happy they're happy. it just seems...strange that people i'm so close to are getting married. i've been to friends weddings before. but they've always been older than me. anyway, in this wedding, i get to be the flower girl, ring bearer, maid of honour, and witness. wow. that's some responsibility. haha! i can handle it. and then there will be the par-tay! it's this spring. keep your calendar open. you may get the call to be my date.
and in closing, i'd just like to say that i love video on trial. and ron sparks might be my newest celebrity crush.
Monday, January 01, 2007
happy new year
so here it is. 2007. is it everything you hoped it would be?
did you ring in the new year with a bang? or with a passing glance?
i was hoping that the band would forget. but they didn't. so i counted down and welcomed in another new year. alone. surrounded by kissing couples. and all i could think was, i should have kissed him when i had the chance.
happy 2007. i hope it all happens for you.
did you ring in the new year with a bang? or with a passing glance?
i was hoping that the band would forget. but they didn't. so i counted down and welcomed in another new year. alone. surrounded by kissing couples. and all i could think was, i should have kissed him when i had the chance.
happy 2007. i hope it all happens for you.
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