ouch, i have lost myself again

how did i get back here? although, i guess i'm not entirely sure i ever left.

i guess it is a bit different. my feelings definitely changed back around the end of april. i think it's just because it's the summer and last summer was so completely different that it feels like it was a thousand years ago and i just miss the way things were.

it's strange to me how other people can just not care. how is that even possible? we were both part of the "friendship" or whatever it was. i never got the impression that it was nothing. but i don't know why i can't move on. it's been so long and i have no reason to think that we'll ever talk again. i was never lead on. it was always completely clear that nothing was going to happen. not that i even want anything to happen. i hate this. i just want to talk. just to see how things are going. i've never been just cut off so completely and finally by someone i considered a friend before. it's not fair how other people get to make decisions that have such an impact on someone else's life. i didn't get a say in this.

he told me once that he thought i tended to write pretty interesting stuff [except for lately i've been queen of the mopeys] and that's why he read my blog. i wonder if he still thinks about me since i told him to stop reading? probably not. i need to get it through my head. he's just another one to add to the list. selfish jerks who don't care.

postsecret created a short video. i love it. here it is.