upsetting thoughts

i think that someone jumped off the bridge this morning. i was driving across and all of the sudden, the truck in front of me stopped, the 2 guys got out, ran over to the bridge railing, and were looking over. they jumped across from the roadway to the bikeway to get a better view over the side. people in cars behind me were getting out to go look too. i'm feeling a little shaken up about it and i didn't even see anything. what has me upset is that my first thought was, there is no way i'm sitting here and waiting for these guys to get back in their truck and drive away. so i pulled out into the other lane and drove away. i don't like that i was just like, this is inconvenient for me. after i got off the bridge i was passed by 3 police cars with their sirens and lights going, headed towards the bridge. now that i'm sitting here thinking about it, i know that just driving away was what needed to happen. what am i going to accomplish by getting out of my car to go look? people are looking just so they can say they saw it happen. i'm not going to save the person. i can't bring them back. all i'm doing by stopping is getting in the way of emergency vehicles and people who actually need to be there. especially where i saw nothing. i don't think i'd be so upset if that had been my thought as i drove away, instead of, oh man i don't want to wait here.
i wonder what people are thinking as they fall. does a sense of calm come over you because you know that it's all going to be over soon? or is it more a sense of panic and regret? giving in and just letting yourself fall could be totally peaceful. maybe its different for everyone. but we'll never know. they're not here to tell us about it after the fact.
i coudln't concentrate in class earlier. this was all i could think about. and now that i'm here writing it down, my chest is getting tight and i am holding back tears. crying in the library is not what i want to happen.