i love good moods

man, that song really kicked that black cloud. if i had known that a little video killed the radio star was all it would take, i'd have thrown it on the ipod days ago. i'll remember that for the next time a crazy bad mood hits [which isn't really all that often].

so last night was the big anniversary party. my mom's family is kind of.....country. not country like cowboy hats and chaps. country like backwoods and small town. i mean, don't get me wrong, i love them. they're my family. its just funny to listen to their stories about growing up and the people they knew and the things they did. my mom has 3 brothers and a sister. when i was younger [not like, little kid younger, just like, teenager younger], i identified most with my mom's youngest brother. he's only 9 years older than i am and we always seemed to get along the best, joking around and stuff. but now, he seems so immature. i'm not sure what it is, but i feel like i'm older than he is. i always thought that as i got older, we'd get closer and he'd be like, my cool uncle, you know? more friend than uncle. but not so much. my favourite in that family now is the oldest brother. and his kids are my favourite cousins. anyway, whenever there is some big family event and i'm going to spend the day with all them, i'm always so excited. but when i'm there and it's all happening, i never end up having an awesome time. i always end up kind of on my own. it has always been that way. my brothers are the same age as the favourite cousins so they've always had each other. and then the adults were always sitting around talking about adult stuff. and even though at 24, i'm now old enough to hang out with the adults, because i am one, i don't do it. i never really feel like i fit in. so i end up sitting on my own somewhere reading or something. they all get together and start talking about the good ole days or whatever, and i don't have anything to contribute. but last night was still good. i like seeing them because i don't get to all that often. and my parents really appreciated everything. they had no idea. so they were surprised. and my brothers and i pulled out the big guns and we're paying for a family portrait for them. my mom has wanted one forever but we never got our shit together and just did one. so the bros and i decided that we should commit and it would be a great gift. mom was pumped. doug was fairly indifferent, but i wouldn't expect anything else.

today i went to chapters. trouble. i could spend a million dollars there and still not have every book i want. i really wanted to get killing yourself to live: 85% of a true story by chuck klosterman. but i didn't. i have sex, drugs, and cocoa puffs. it's awesome. maybe i'll put this one on my christmas list or something. what i did decide on was anderson coopers book, dispatches from the edge, which i'm SUPER pumped about. and the postsecret book. as soon as i got home i sat down and read the whole thing. everyone should read it. seriously. all the weird little issues/problems/fears you have, and think are the only one who has this thought, someone else has it too. for real. i read so many secrets in this book that i could have just as easily sent in. and i never really felt terribly alone, but seeing "my" secrets in this book, made me feel not alone. i read the website every week. new secrets every sunday and i'm there. i have seen a few that i was like, wow. that's touching/painful/funny, but i've never REALLY been overly affected by any of the ones i've seen on the website. but reading through the book, one of the secrets in particular, as soon as i read it, my eyes were filled with tears. if anyone wants to read the book, i will lend it to you. but if you don't return it, i will hunt you down.