an odd empty feeling

i've never been so uncomfortable in my own house before.

since getting home from work yesterday evening, i haven't really left my room because i don't want to walk around my house and see everything that's different. i can't even look in the livingroom as i walk by because i know her pillow isn't there anymore. her blankets aren't at the bottom of the stairs and her dishes aren't by the back door so i haven't gone down stairs. even eating with my family at the table is awful because she's not lying in the kitchen doorway waiting for us to finish.

people keep asking me what happened but i still can't talk about it. my brother had the news on his msn name so people know it happened, they just don't know why.

i haven't been able to sleep much at all because every time i close my eyes, i re-live friday afternoon.

i don't know why i'm taking this so hard. you'd think i'd never lost a pet before. my last dog died when i was 18 and we'd had him since i was 3. that was pretty much the worst day of my whole life. thinking of that day can still make me tear up. i never wanted to feel that way again. and even when we got this dog, i stayed distant. for a long time. i didn't want to get attached. but in the end, she loved me almost as much as she loved my dad and way more than she loved my brothers or my mom.

i miss her so much.