should i have something profound to say?

people get to deep around new years. they look back at everything that has happened and look forward to all that could happen...

there have been good times, but nothing that is standing out as note-worthy for a year end trip down memory lane. and nothing overly bad has happened either. i think that the one thing i really realized this year is that i have regrets. and i'm only just 25 [almost]. i've realized that by 25, some people have accomplished so much more than i have. even just little things. like they don't live at home anymore. i hate that i'm a struggling student. i hate that i'm trying to be responsible and stay living at home so i can cut down on student loans. i know that's the smart thing to do, but i'm missing out on my 20's.

i feel like i've lost touch with people i love. friends from design school are a big loss this year. what happened there? we were so tight. people i just met are also disappearing from my life this year without really having a chance to leave their mark.

and why am i still playing the same games with some people? it's been too long. can we just stop.

i'm really ready to grow the hell up.

that's how i feel about 2006.

happy new year.

i'm home!!

i love my dog. i'm never leaving her again. the end.

embarrassing!

so the people i was dog-sitting for weren't supposed to get home until 8:00 tonight. i was going to have 3 hours after work to pack up my shit and clean their house.

nope.

they're home now.

and my clothes are all over the room i was sleeping in. my stuff is all over their bathroom. my guitar tab sheets are all over their coffee table. my slippers are in the middle of their livingroom. the dogs toys are all over the house. the garbage should be emptied.

and the worst part is, this guy is my boss. i bet he saw my underoos.

at least i did the dishes.

p.s. exactly one month till my birthday!

i just want to write everything

i have so much that i just want to get out.

stuff has been happening the past few days/weeks that makes me want to spill my guts on everything. i know that i could sit here right now and write my entire life story without even hesitating.

but instead i'm going to say nothing.

except, i'm tired.

i think that sums up everything.

i'm just tired. i'm ready for my life to begin. i'm tired of feeling like a kid. i'm tired of waiting around for something great to happen. i'm tired of waiting for other people. i'm tired of not being completely sure of myself. i'm tired of feeling inferior. i'm tired of feeling unattractive.

there are going to be changes in the new year. if you want to be a part of it, you better let me know. because it's all getting left behind if not.

it's almost over!

tomorrow night i get to sleep in my own bed. i can't wait. and i'm excited to get away from that annoying dog. haha my tune has change quite a bit since the beginning. the dog is just so weird. she makes me miss my dog so much.

and i got a phone call yesterday from someone i haven't talked to in probably close to two years. he's home for christmas. he said we should hang out but i have other people who i want to see who have kept in touch who are higher up on the priority list than he is. i don't know if i'll get to see him or not. i wrote before about letting people walk out of your life and how i wish it didn't happen. well, this guy was my best friend. but then he reorganized his priorities [some things are more important than your friends] and we stopped hanging out. and then stopped talking. for a while it really hurt me. i was so upset that we had grown apart [it was like he was changing back into some junior high form of himself]. but now i'm pretty indifferent. if i don't see him while he's home, it won't be the end of the world. i guess i'm sorry that's how it turned out. we were tight. oh well. shit happens.

i had an awesome night last night with pei friends who are home. we were lied to by the 4th person for why she couldn't come hang out. lame. why tell one person you have a migrane and tell the other person you're busy? you don't think we're gonna discuss the fact that you're not there? whatever. just another person lost to a relationship. it happens all the time, right?

and, do i want to baby-sit on new years eve? what else am i gonna do? might as well... haha now i kinda wish i had plans. maybe i can make some before i have to let her know tomorrow about the kid.

painful

and gone. i hate this.

i hate that this is bothering me.

i hate that i'm being such a girl.

i hate that he's not here.

i hate that he won't be here.

i hate it.

i didn't want to cross that bridge

drunk and almost famous till 4am.

now what?

i'm not sure. this is not the list i want that name on.

merry christmas!

so it's pretty much over for another year. it's amazing how much build up there is for just one day. the pressure of finding the perfect presents for everyone, all the food that needs to be cooked, decorations, parties, traveling... and then in in a span of 36 hours, its over.

and this christmas, i haven't really been home. i am doing that dog-sitting thing, which is fantastic because i am getting a little break from my family, but at the same time, i miss my house at christmas. there are no decorations here or yummy cookies being baked or my brothers or my dog. just the weird dog and scary paintings on the wall. so it's starting to get a little lonely. 4 more days.

last night i stayed at home though. and i slept like a baby. i miss my bed. and my brothers and i played board games. i can't remember the last time i played a board game, let alone with my brothers. we played trivial persuit 90's, clue, sorry and half a game of monopoly. that game is way too long. i can't stand it but it's my youngest brother's favourite so we had to. and i forced trivial persuit and clue on everyone.

my parents loved the gift my bros and i got them. a duvet. they didn't have one. so everyone was right. i wasn't sure how it would go over but i was assured by all that it would be fantastic. and i got my boots! yea!! and a really nice gift from one of my friends. who wasn't supposed to buy me a gift because i wasn't buying gifts for any friends. i told her not to and she did anyway. but i love it. thank you again.

boxing day we usually head to new glasgow to visit my family - grandmothers and various aunts, uncles and cousins. but it's looking right now like tomorrow is gonna be somewhat messy weatherwise so i don't know if we'll go or not. have to wait and see. i'd like to go, but honestly, a nice sleep in would be beautiful. i haven't slept in in over a week. i'm tired from working all last week and then going out on thursday and saturday nights and always having to get up early for one reason or another. although...i can honestly say that thursday and saturday nights were worth it. thursday for shameless, and saturday for other reasons. there were some awesome people out on saturday night.

holy blast from the past batman

i just saw my high school english teacher. i graduated from high school in 2000. and he came up to me and said hi and knew my name. colour me impressed. because the last time i saw him, maybe a year and a half after high school, he had no idea who i was. i didn't expect him to know me this time. but he did. happy. i like being remembered. this is the feel good story of the day.

dear teen burger

you may be the most delicious thing i have ever eaten in my whole life. thank you.

i'm a crier

i didn't cry because i assumed there would be more. but now that i'm re-reading it, my chest is getting tight. i might cry next time. lame, i know.

best night ever

well, maybe not ever but it was pretty awesome. i love the lower deck. lurve even. i don't know if love is strong enough to describe it. and shameless? i lurve them too. i don't know what i'm going to do in the new year. seriously. just won't be the same. hopefully i get out one more time before it changes.

a night with shameless is definitely a guaranteed wicked time for me. i want to go again right now. actually, what i want to do right now is sleep. i have to work tomrrow. boo on that. but i'd go again tomorrow night.

p.s. if you [yes you] read this, sorry i was a moron. i know you want to leave but the thing is, i never see you and talking to you makes me happy. like it or not.

what superhero am i?

you are superman
you are mild-mannered, good,
strong and you love to help others.



click here to take the superhero personality test

happy-sad

it's tonight!

my return to the lower deck! and my band will be there!!

but about my cover band. big changes are coming. i'm not happy. and i may not get to see them again, as they are now. and i'm a little sad about it.

ok, a lot sad.

it just won't be the same.

sometimes i wish i lived in a movie

now here you go again
you say you want your freedom
well who am i to keep you down
it's only right that you should
play the way you feel it
but listen carefully to the sound
of your loneliness
like a heartbeat, drives you mad
in the stillness of remembering
what you had, and what you lost
and what you had, and what you lost

-fleetwood mac

bonus!

ok, so the best part about walking a dog at the park is the cute guy who is also walking a dog at the park.

ah dog-sitting

i am in love with this dog. and this house. and the quiet.

when i'm at home, i live about a 10 minute walk from 2 different supermarkets, 2 different drug stores, the bank, and tons of other stuff. but do i ever walk anywhere? no. i despise walking around my neighbourhood. but when i lived in the city, i walked everywhere. it didn't matter how far away it was, i walked. and just now, i walked to the grocery store and it took me about 20 minutes. i loved the walk! but if i were at home, i would have either drove a car, or not gone. lazy!

and now, i'm going to take the dog for a walk. beautiful.

also, i love visitors! give me a call and come visit.

what is happening?

so its 2:30, my brother still isn't home, my dad is awake, and i'm in trouble.

what?

yeah. apparently it was up to me to stop my 17 year old brother from going out after the dance. um, no. not really my responsibility to stop him. i told him he shouldn't go. he told me not to wait up. i'm not locking him in his room.

i called him at 2:00 and he said i shouldn't be waiting up and he would be leaving soon. and then like 2 minutes later my dad got up, saw my bro wasn't here, and came to ask me. i told dad that bro was leaving soon to come home so dad waited. half an hour later, no bro. dad is pissed. he calls bros cell. he hasn't left yet.

the best part of this whole thing is that i'm getting a responsibility lecture and i didn't even get to have any fun and i'm almost 25 getting this lecture. so there is no plus to this.

and now my mom is up. and my dad is telling her how i let my bro leave. and now i hear her coming towards my room. fantastic.

all i want to do is sleep.

so maybe i'm a goodie goodie

i never got in trouble in high school. ever. my parents trusted me completely. i never had a curfew. i didn't lie to them or sneak out of the house or stay out all night without them knowing.

i have the worlds heaviest guilty conscience.

my youngest brother is in grade 12. tonight was his christmas semi-formal dance. my parents like to wait up for him to get home. he's 17 and they know it won't be really late and they just want to make sure he gets home. which is fine. it's their thing.

ok so what does this have to do with me?

i was asked to wait up for him. my parents were tired and they have to get up so early for work. ok, that's fine. the dance ends at 11:00. no problem, i'll wait up.

but when he gets home at 11:15, he tells me he's just come home to change and he's heading right back out again.

hmmm. how do i approach this?

on one hand, i don't care what he does. go out. have fun. whatever.

on the other hand, i was told to wait and make sure he gets home ok.

so. do i tell him he can't go? no, i'm not his mother. but do i still have to wait up for him? i was told to wait up. i have to wait up. do i want to wait up? heck no. i'm tired. it's almost 12:30. i need to sleep. i can't sleep in tomorrow.

i can't go to bed. if he didn't come home, and my parents got up and realized, it would be the end of the world. but he's gone. and he's just with his moron friends. they say he'll have a drive home. but who knows really.

the funny thing is, i told him to go wake up mom and dad and ask them if he could go. he said no. and he just left. i would never have done that. never. and if it had been me, it would have been my mom waiting up and i wouldn't have even asked her to go out at 11:30 after a dance on a monday night. and my brother didn't even care. he just left. he said, "mom and dad won't even know i came home and left again".

so here i am suffering because i'm still being overly responsible.

the holiday

i just got back from seeing this movie. the holiday. and i have one thing to say.












jude law is beautiful.